Angelina Jolie to endorse a presidential candidate, world waits with bated breath, I eat a sandwich

August 11th, 2008 // 131 Comments

First, the world waited to see the first photos of Angelina Jolie’s newborn twins. Now, we wait to see who she’ll endorse to be President of the United States. My God, how much power does this woman have? How do we know her breasts aren’t intergalactic weapons of doom that will conquer us all? You don’t see Hannity & Colmes tackling that issue. For the record, I volunteer myself to investigate. Wilshire & Washington reports:

“I have not decided on a candidate,” Jolie says, “I am waiting to see the commitments they will make on issues like international justice, refugees and how to address the needs of children in crisis around the world.”
Unlike many other celebrity endorsements, Jolie’s carries the weight and influence of her extensive humanitarian work around the world, as the goodwill ambassador for the United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees. Her statement was an indication that she would be open to choosing a candidate.

Yeah, all that stuff. But who is Angelina leaning towards? Turns out it’s a toss-up:

In June, when Entertainment Weekly asked her whether she talked politics with Clint Eastwood, a longtime Republican, on the set of the upcoming movie, “The Changeling,” she said, “Actually, we don’t disagree as much as you’d think. I think people assume I’m a Democrat. But I’m registered independent and I’m still undecided. So I’m looking at McCain as well as Obama.”

To put things into perspective: Angelina Jolie’s father Jon Voight wrote an op-ed piece for the Washington Times essentially claiming Barack Obama would turn America into Louis Farrakhan Land and enslave the white race. So, for all you political junkies out there, look for Angelina to endorse whichever candidate has a firm stance on kicking your old man down the stairs when he forgets his pills. (Psst. Probably not McCain.)


  1. Well #100
    You seem like real ‘intellectual’.
    Having any problems with ‘free fall collapse speed trough undamaged steel structure.
    That type of thing.
    If any questions feel free to query the hundreds of ‘building pros’ at this link.

  2. Cliff Notes

    (Shhh….this is like shooting pigs in a barrel ‘Frank’)
    (Frank’ from 16th floor : Shhh….I’m a vegetarian Cliff.)
    {Cliff Notes : Oh.)

  3. Batgirl

    11. I thought the same thing re. her hands…

    they will look like madonnas soon…

    those are the hands only a trucker lookin’ for a handjob could love :’(

  4. j

    My early Xmas wish is that Jolie and Bonno dissapear from the face of the planet.

  5. Who gives two chocolately shits about this dumb bitch.

  6. Who gives two chocolately shits about this dumb bitch.

  7. Swissboy

    I actually couldn’t care less what two generations before me had done or hadn’t done … Bush is president right now and he got elected by the American people (well, maybe he wasn’t elected in 2000, but who cares?).

    Producing masterminds is simply a numbers game. More people, more masterminds. And by the way, nowadays is Switzerland one of the most innovative countries in the world, we actually have to be. We are too small for big industry, all we can offer is brain power. If one of your NASA-Rockets is off to Mars, you can be sure that some parts have been developed in Swiss labs.

    And I prefer our brotherly love … Of course, it’s got to be cool when you have 2 million of your citizens in prison and more than 10’000 murders a year, but it’s still not really my cup of tea.

    We enjoy your internet? The one that was developed at CERN, in Switerzland?
    Do you enjoy our watches that brought back the Apollo 13 crew? The telephone, invented by Bell, was actually Scottish and only for 2 years on US soil before creating the telephone. Nuclear power? European scientist … As you can see: Giving a country credit for making inventions is a pretty silly thing to do.

  8. lori

    She’ll pick McCain. Her dad’s a raging Republipuke, and a lot of his asshole qualities have rubbed off on her. Besides, look at the two of them..they look too stupid and full of themselves to know much about what either one of the candidates stand for. Wait a minute. I could be talking about the majority of the American public here.

  9. qwerty

    bxf ‘/hfnhjkl,tsheasaweraknjplq;lknbazxkbnm;.,dgc

    that is all

  10. #108 Unfortunately I think you’re right Lori.

  11. Rose

    Wow~~ a hot discussion there! Anyway, she is a talent actress. Many fans of her are busy talking about this at where celebrities connect! So amazing!

  12. Thanks for that Rose. I think I’ll check it out.

  13. Mama Pinkus

    As she ages, Ms. Jolie seems to be turning into bondage queen Betty Paige

  14. Brad Pitt

    107 Swissboy

    > We enjoy your internet? The one that was developed at CERN, in Switerzland?
    > (snip)
    > As you can see: Giving a country credit for making inventions is a pretty
    > silly thing to do.

    You swiss animals didn’t invent the internet…

    …Al Gore did.

  15. @99 FCS…

    So your concern is what?…Innocent American lives?..You mean the ones who signed up for the job (military)?..or the tens of thousands of innocent Americans that are killed every year by illegal aliens? know, from drunk driving, murders and assaults (12 Americans are murdered every day by illegal aliens…that’s more than 21,900 murders by illegal aliens since September 11, 2001)? or how about the 1 million sexual assaults committed by illegals? Does that bother you?

    How about this you fucking cock garage…worry about the innocent Americans, not those of us that signed up for the job and knew (and hoped) wed be out sniping terrorists and killing the fucking cavemen in the middle east.

    We dont need your pacifistic, white guilt ridden ass speaking for us.

  16. Ted from LA

    Hi Binky!

  17. Ted from LA

    Inside job?

  18. I think it could be Ted.

  19. cinnamon

    I am SO tired of these two attention-seeking, kid-collecting, trendy-hollywood-twins-having, rich-as-crap-donate-some-and-get-called-philanthropists, adulterous, pretentious nobodys. Go away, please. The world has far greater things to ponder than your latest big-headed babies or adoptee du jour. Soon they’ll break up and Angelina will become the next Mia Farrow and Brad Pitt will spotted in nightclubs doing cocaine with 25 year olds.

  20. don't listen to this squaking whore

    I have very low expectations of this fake worthless bitch, but the fact that she has to think about it suggests that she is even worse a human beig than I ever imagined. If she votes McCain she is proving once and for all that this entire little sharade she’s being carrying on is just that; a sharade.

    These two turds claim to be humaitarains who care OH SO MUCH about third world poverty whilst living in a 70 million dolllar chateau in France, owning at least 7 multi million dollar homes, two airplaines and more hugely expensive uneccessary shit than the world’s largest shopping centre.
    Even though she is a hypocritical whore who lived a life that was the exact opposite of her little baby collecting life I did believe that somewhere deep deep down this morbid veiny bitch did care a tiny bit about the world, but the fact that she has to think about it suggests that she really is a rich republican spoiled little brat who is as much a humanitarian as Paris Hilton is a virgin.

    P.S.Look at Shitt Pitt’s face here, he looks completely weirded out by her snake veins. The sad thing is there are people who will base their decision on what the fakers say. Why the world admires the actor who plays a firefighter more than the real life firefighter is fucking beyond me, but it sure explains why the world is such a fucked up shithole.

    LOL @ 11. That is truth personified. One can only hope #119.

  21. V

    How about these 2 douchebags crawl back under their french rocks where they belong.

    Since when does role-playing/acting underscore a great intellect?

    Brad Pitt is a fairy….Angelina is a slutdog.

  22. neil

    120. don’t listen to this squaking whore – August 12, 2008 8:58 AM

    ,,,the world is such a fucked up shithole…..

    So, who is so negative, so cynical, so full of themselves; who is contributing to making the world such a fucked up shithole? Do you people ever read what you write? Look up, irony, for a clue.

  23. you are here

    122. Douch you have NO idea what a person does or how they live their life from one comment. Scroll up and check what fucking website you’re on, everyone has the right to vent a little, especially when it comes to these fake worthless loosers, who influence millions of half wits to believe that a charitable life means living in mansions and being a giant whore consumer, poluting the world world with greed and consumption while throwing a few crumbs at charities (and don’t go believing it’s anything more than crumbs, because it isn’t, no matter what is said).

    These idiots are paid MILLIONS to play make believe, it’s fucking nauseating, no one should have that kind of money, especially turds who don’t even save lives for a living. Even the most positive person can get a little pissed off at the state of things. It’s unhealthy to bottle it up, so vent, let it out, and then get back to leading a good life and working for important causes.

  24. elle

    OMG, her hands!!!

  25. elle

    OMG, her hands!!!

  26. she sux

    Angie is disgusting!

    ‘Nuff said…

  27. her opinion doesn’t mean crap to me, but here’s a hint: OBAMA

  28. stingrae

    I hate when people say there’s no choice other then McCain or Obama! You watch too much TV. There are other choices and they GOOD choices too. Chuck Baldwin from the Constitution party and BOB BARR from the Libertarian party are two other candidates that are running, not to mention a few others. Seriously… look them up, read about them. Make an informed decision… don’t let the media pick for you. Which one am I voting for???? Which ever one RON PAUL endorses that’s who. I could always just Ron Paul’s name in too. Many options here people! Vote for who you WANT to win, not who you THINK can win. A vote for the lesser of two evils is STILL a vote for evil. I’d rather vote for someone whom I like and agree with and have him lose then to vote for someone I don’t like at all and have him WIN. Don’t be a sheep. Obama and McCain are the same, both very bad for our country. If you want real change you’ll go with someone else.

  29. Narcissist

    The Cryptkeeper looks GOOOOOD…not.

    @128 – do they still have that thing Ralph Nader mentioned? Have a McCain and an Obama both vote for an indie type, so a new party will be brought in? (Your vote would have no impact on which of the lesser of two evils wins. The votes would just help bring in another option at the next election.)

  30. Tiredofthebs

    Tell Angelina to smile, look pretty and STFU.

    Nobody CARES who she is endorsing.

  31. Tiredofthebs

    Tell Angelina to smile, look pretty and STFU.

    Nobody CARES who she is endorsing.

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