Angelina Jolie to endorse a presidential candidate, world waits with bated breath, I eat a sandwich

August 11th, 2008 // 131 Comments

First, the world waited to see the first photos of Angelina Jolie’s newborn twins. Now, we wait to see who she’ll endorse to be President of the United States. My God, how much power does this woman have? How do we know her breasts aren’t intergalactic weapons of doom that will conquer us all? You don’t see Hannity & Colmes tackling that issue. For the record, I volunteer myself to investigate. Wilshire & Washington reports:

“I have not decided on a candidate,” Jolie says, “I am waiting to see the commitments they will make on issues like international justice, refugees and how to address the needs of children in crisis around the world.”
Unlike many other celebrity endorsements, Jolie’s carries the weight and influence of her extensive humanitarian work around the world, as the goodwill ambassador for the United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees. Her statement was an indication that she would be open to choosing a candidate.

Yeah, all that stuff. But who is Angelina leaning towards? Turns out it’s a toss-up:

In June, when Entertainment Weekly asked her whether she talked politics with Clint Eastwood, a longtime Republican, on the set of the upcoming movie, “The Changeling,” she said, “Actually, we don’t disagree as much as you’d think. I think people assume I’m a Democrat. But I’m registered independent and I’m still undecided. So I’m looking at McCain as well as Obama.”

To put things into perspective: Angelina Jolie’s father Jon Voight wrote an op-ed piece for the Washington Times essentially claiming Barack Obama would turn America into Louis Farrakhan Land and enslave the white race. So, for all you political junkies out there, look for Angelina to endorse whichever candidate has a firm stance on kicking your old man down the stairs when he forgets his pills. (Psst. Probably not McCain.)


  1. Vote McCain

    Hell 8 trillion in debt and being essentially owned by China (by the way, they are getting stronger by the day and are uh inherently better organized than us) and the middle east is not that bad a thing. I mean if you are like rich and all. If not than you would have to be either a brain-washed religious wack nut (Judeo-Christian) or a war mongeror who has no concern for the country’s future. I am ok with this. This is a somewhat free country. Just not for much longer.
    Anyway vote for McCain for some more awesome war that we will go deeper into debt and inflict the next generation with as a hideous burden and uh never be able to retire and I am not sure where all these 60 plus year old fucks are gonna get jobs when they won’t be able to retire. Not to mention as oil gets more expensive food will be next. So we will be leaner soon.
    I guess somehow this is all a good thing.
    Heil Hitler or whatever fascist dirtbag is in charge

  2. What a stupid cunt!

    She just uses them for a paycheck!

  3. my comment

    Name ONE thing that Obama has accomplished. Just one…

    He’s an empty suit and an over-hyped speaker with a paper-thin resume and and underlying hatred of America.

  4. coffeebean

    If Obama wins you can bet the first three things that he will change are:

    1 Replace the CIA with Al-Qaeda
    2. Replace the Secret Service with the Black Panthers
    3. Replace the picture of George Wahington in the Oval Office with some velvet art of a cheetah.

  5. Jumpin_

    Oh please, Ron Paul, PLEASE let it be Ron Paul…

  6. Biff

    The election depends on Bush. If he tries to improve his legacy at the last minute, he’ll increase diplomatic negotiations, withdraw significant troops from Iraq, and push hard on economic and energy initiatives. That’ll screw McCain. But if he wants McCain to win, all he has to do is pull out troops from the wrong places in Iraq, triggering a huge uptick in violence and killings and chaos there, and then start fucking around with the “terrorism threat level” back here in the U.S. That’ll throw the election to McCain, hands down.

    I’m guessing Bush goes with option #1. He wants a non-terrible legacy, and he really hates McCain.

  7. Well #53

    Obama decided to go back to Chicage to help the community around there instead of making a hell a lot of money as a lawyer … I think that’s one thing he has accomplished.

    But I guess you prefer somebody like Bush, who doged going to Vietnam … Or you messed up your whole country … Gotta love you Americans!

  8. Juanita Lemmon

    I say she votes for Paris! :)

  9. Clem

    Ask yourself – would I vote the way I did in 2000 and 2004 if I knew then what I knew now?
    - Would anyone vote to create the biggest ever national deficit from a comfortable surplus?
    - Would anyone vote for corporations not to pay tax and for the rich to play way less tax than the other 99.5%
    - Would we vote to allow corporations to make our domestic and foreign diplomacy decisions?
    - Would we vote so that the US$ could lose almost half it’s value?
    - Would we vote for $4 gas, the recession, the housing crunch disaster, the outsourcing of millions of jobs? I think not.
    I’m not saying the dems are right but the grass couldn’t be any less green could it?
    It seems we are not very good at voting and given the amount of damage we do on the world stage I think we should open the decision to the rest of the world.

  10. oBama went back to Chicago to make millions associating himself with domestic terrorists, racist preachers and civic leaders and corrupt felonies slumlords from libya.

    He has made tens of millions on the only thing he has ever accomplished, two books on his favorite subject. Himself.

    He is a pathetic narcissist, and a danger to this country and the Western way of life!

  11. rough daddy

    are you kidding me how did this chick becomes mother theresa all of a sudden? if she can her image around so can the bimbos,,,you know the usual suspects…

  12. my comment

    # 57
    Oh? Obama ‘HELPED’ his district?

    Take a look at a helicopter view of Obama’s ‘community’ that he ‘helped.’

    Obama has accomplished NOTHING except to exacerbate race relations in the US with his racist preacher.

  13. Clem you are an Idiot!

    The wealthiest 2% of Americans pay 96% of all federal and state taxes.
    Big corporations like Exxon pay 49 cents of every dollar earned to the federal government while making 7-8 cents in profit.
    For six years oil and gas prices remained stable and debt was being reduced.
    This all changed when pelosi and reid took over the houses doubling the price of energy, and reducing employment while raising the deficit!

    Bush announced he would lift the executive ban on offshore drilling and oil IMMEDIATELY fell 22 dollars and now is at 113 a barrel down from 147.

    Read a newspaper you fucking twit!

    reference USTB.

  14. Henry Kissinger

    Yeah, that’s what a president is for: to bring justice to the world, help non-US refugees, and stop poor people from having babies in Mozambique.

    In his free time, he gets to deal with less important things like the USA.

    Yet another pathetic example of Hollywood tits and teeth thinking that they have brains as well.

    Angelina, I have some advice for you: take your clothes off and make your money – because your marketability ends the day those beauties start to sag. I’ve seen opossums with more gravitas and emotion than “Mrs. Smith…”

    …but none with nicer boobs.

  15. #63 – “The wealthiest 2% of Americans pay 96% of all federal and state taxes.”

    So… what’s it like to ride a unicorn to Pixieland? I hear they’re horny (shrugs shoulders)…

  16. pat

    It would barely qualify as news if she HAD picked a candidate. Announcing that she hasn’t decided is the epitome of non-news to me. Has Lindsay Lohan picked a candidate? If not, shouldn’t that be just as newsworthy as Angelina not having picked one?

    If Angelina hasn’t decided tomorow, will it be in the news again? After all, it will be just as important tomorrow as it is today.

  17. T-Bone

    I’ll believe she’s an independent when I see her vote for McCain. Otherwise, she’s just another Hollywood Dumbocrat.

  18. nicole richie

    Vote Obama for slave reparations. They still haven’t got their 40 acres and a mule, only hundreds of billions in welfare checks.

  19. rob roy

    Vote for the one who isn’t back by Big Welfare. Do you want Jesse Jackson, Piss Daddy, and Louis Farrakhan in the White House? Don’t let these scumbags take your money to help the welfare queens breed like cockroaches

  20. Caroline

    In response to #44: LMAO you lying cunt!

    -” Have you ever been to Europe? I live here … Our highways are in best shape, everybody has health insurance, we dont’ have hoboes on the street, the education is a lot better: All in all, our living standards are around twice as high as in the USA. ” No HOBOS on the streets? Europe is full of Hobos! Not only are the streets of Europe strew with garbage and hobos, but the average European resembles a hobo with a home. The best education system? lool Is that why Americans Universities, along with two English universities (who do not consider themselves European), rank as the best of the best in the world? You do have medical coverage, but we have the best system in the world, if one can afford it.

    “He said, America should be damned for what it does. And he’s right. I love it when you come up with your “What would Jesus do?” Well, would he kill innocent people in Iraq? Would he leave kids without education? Would he leave the rich guys with all the money instead of sharing it (taxes)? Would he shout his friend in the face while hunting ducks?” Wasn’t this atrocity started by Europeans? I believe Iraqis were first killed by Europeans, along with just about every other Arab, Muslim, Asian, Black and South American.

    “I love it that you think you are god’s chosen nation. Not only that it is already idiotic to believe in a god, it’s even better to think that he loves you most! You know who does that as well? Islamic groups :D … They attack you because they think their God wants that.” Ignorant comment about Muslims, clearly, like most Europeans, you know nothing about Islam, and ignorant comment about America- clearly, you know nothing about American and take everything at face value, as an idiotic simpleton such as yourself is expected to perceive things.

    As to your comments about race, let’s not even go there. Not in a million years would the provincial, barbaric Europeans even entertain the possibility of voting for a Black or part Black person. After all, it was not long ago that you were roasting Jews in ovens :) and yes, most Europeans were in on this.

  21. Sky

    Who cares who this heroin-addict supports? Both candidates suck and it is quite shocking that a nation such as ours chose these two at such a momentous period in our history. It is time to retool our government, who seem more interested in investing overseas than in this country.

  22. That’s probably the first thing I can think of that fits what I could really give two shits about.

  23. Rob Roy,

    Thats funny because oBama’s a porch monkey!

  24. Mary

    @44: Take your provincial head out of your smelly barbaric ass and start analyzing your filthy history & reality objectively. Now what part of Europe are you from? Despite the fact that Europeans are once again imitating Americans and essentially duplicating our system , as they have always done with everything, including those highways you boast of, it still remains a dirty, dingy ‘continent’ that no one will seriously think of as a United States of Europe, but as the saying goes: imitation is the best form of flattery :) too bad you’re an ungrateful scumbag. Comical too is your need to accommodate Eastern Europe, a mass of Hobos and barbarism, in order not to become extinct. P.S. Have you ever visited France? I believe that is the country in which THE HOBO made his debut :)

  25. well

    Nope, there are no hobos …. I guess that’s my judgement since I leave here and you don’t. About the education: How much do you have to pay to get into Harvard per semester? 50’000$? How much for an average college? 20’000$? Here in Switzerland, you pay 500$ per year and our University is ranked number 27. Not so bad if you ask me, since we are paying 1/100 …

    Well, you know, around here we think it’s barbaric just to let somebody die simply because he cannot afford health care … But you stick to that idea, it’s what Jesus would do!

    Yeah, Europe has a bloody histroy, and I think it’s a point by itself that you half to come up with the crusades to back up your arguments :D … We are living in the 21th century, that’s what counts.

    Yep, every European is a Nazi, you got it. Especially England, Franche, Poland, Netherlands, Belgium, Switzerland and so on …

    And to #74: We are duplicating you? How?

  26. Paolo Maldini

    This chick is so irrelevant. Who cares who she votes for. She is a rich celebrity who pretends to care about poor people all while doing things to line her own pockets. Nothing worse then someone who openly despises Capitalism yet tries be one. People who truly care do it behind the scenes and without attention.

    I am a capitalist and proud to be one. I am thankful oil companies are willing to invest to find the oil so I can drive my BMW 7 series. I hope they make all the money they can. We can actually invest in these companies if we want. Take their profits and it is the people who pay. There are other industries where the profit margin is much higher. If we dont like what they charge, we either dont pay it or use less. If the demand is there, and it is at $4 a gallon, then that is the market. The price would go down if Democrats wanted to drill. Ill bet they want to drill after Obama gets elected. Keep the prices high now and blame Bush. Now that is caring.

    For everyone else who says the economy is bad, I wonder what kind of vacations you take, the clothes your kids have, and how big your TVs are. We live in the most prosperous times in history. The only people whose life has not improved are lazy Democrats who will always be poor because they expect the government to take care of them and despite this they continue to vote Democrat. If Bush was not in office, we would be facing a lot more terrorist attacks on home soil. War isnt a video game and despite the mistakes, we are winning even if Democrats wants us to lose.

    Angie just drinks the liberal cool aid like everyone else who thinks it is cool because the media has tried to make it that way. Im not a McCain guy, but Id vote for him over Obama anyday.

  27. #75

    switzerland isn’t the land of nazi’s-but they sure took the gold fillings the nazi’s collected from the millions of jews they gassed. you are hardly the moral authority…

  28. Uwant Data?

    Top 2% don’t pay 98% of the income taxes: they only pay 50%.

    But they DO pay 50%. That data can be found all over the internet (google “who pays taxes” or something like that).

    Top 10% of wage earners pay >70% of the total income tax haul.

    The bottom 50%? Less than 3%.

    Dude, if you’re not grossing >$40,000 these days you basically don’t pay income taxes.

    It’s time to call “tax cuts for people making less than $50,000/year” what they really are: WELFARE. You can’t cut zero taxes any lower – you can only redistribute other people’s money, Comrade.

  29. my comment

    #75 World War 2 and the holocaust wasn’t THAT long ago.

    By the way, how are those ‘no go zones’ in Europe coming along?

    Or the weekly, car-b-ques in Paris? hmmm??

  30. Lola

    Fuck Angeli-ck-a-cock-Cunt…. What I really want to know is, “Fish, how was your sandwich?”

  31. dsjkld

    I might be wrong, but wasnt 9/11 during Bush’s presidency?

  32. my comment

    and the first attack on the WTC in ’93 was during Clinton’s. What’s your point?

  33. Lola

    To #44

    Ok so everything you were writing about was sounding all good and educated and shit until you start talking about believeing in God and calling that idiocity. It’s obvious you went to school and didn’t drop out like most of us Americans, cuz your vocabulary is up there. Either that or you’re taking your time looking up words on a dictionary. And motha-fucker, fuck you talking shit about America. If we’re so horrible, why are alot of Europeans coming here to the US? Please take back your idiots Beckhams and the rest of your trash. You stole Madonna from us and we’re NOT taking her back either.
    Dumb fuck. All the free insurance yet you bastards have horrible teeth and drink tea all fucking day. Focus on your own country and leave unknown territory alone

  34. Gianmarco

    To #44 You are a complete piece of shit if it wasn’t for us Americans you Euro trash would be doing the goose step and saying Heil Hitler, we saved your pussy asses in two world wars, I

  35. To #84

    Hey yu stupid unlearned asshole who the fuck do you think funded Hitler? It is truly a pity how ignorant and easily fooled the average human really is.
    I bet you stayed tuned to Fox Network for all your propaganda too, right?

    Ahh the world sure is simple being on the side of the Theocrats!!!!!
    God Bless you Retards.

  36. sharpeidude

    She will endorse a head of cabbage. OOPS! We’ve already had a head of cabbage the last 7+ years. Maybe time for an ear of corn????

  37. NY Ted

    I hear she is going to put 100% of her support behind Paris Hilton…!!!

  38. shels

    Gas prices went down because Pelosi forced Bush to stop buying up oil to stock our Strategic Reserves last month. Once he stopped paying these fucking inflated prices, the price went down $20. Offshore drilling wouldn’t lower prices for TEN YEARS, dumbass.

  39. Gianmarco

    To #85 Eat shit you fucking liberal puke oh so we funded Hitler where did you growup asshole ,and no I dont listen to Fox or any other media trash, I read my history and several newspapers both pro and con to make my decesions you ignorant jerk,And yes I support my country whether right or wrong. If you can’t handle it move to Europe if your not already living there.


  40. GREG

    What intelligent, thoughtful comments AGAIN rapping Angelina. I thought we were talking about voting in this election. I don’t think there is anything to consider whom
    anyone else is voting for but I’m surprised at her reticence,
    too. Anyway, ugly, profane, off point language and stupid attacks on her, hardly lends to d of any sort, whatsoever.But the name “Superficial” titling this article, certainly covers most of you and your venom.

  41. Ann

    keep it superficial and don’t bother with the politics. Makes the dumbasses crawl proudly and loudly out of their holes.

  42. 88 Dumbass,

    After the house voted to stop filling reserve NOTHING happened. That was two months ago.

    In the 5 days following Bushs’ announcement oil dropped 22 bucks.

    If pelosi would allow a vote on offshore drilling it would go down another 30-40 dollars immediately! Within days!
    We would have $2.00 gasoline.
    And we could be getting millions more barrels per day of more oil in two or three years. Tops! Anwar would take longer 4-8 years.
    It would not take 10 years dems just make that shit up!

  43. So Bill Clinton – having any problems with freefall collapse speed – that type of thing ?

  44. Hey Bill – I see your link is related to an Israeli story questioning Obama’s birth certificate.
    Any comments on this link ?

  45. #94, Mr. Notes

    Sorry forgot that was there.
    I just thought it was hilarious!

  46. israelinsider
    “As Obama stonewalls on uncertified birth certificate, official doubts mount”.

    You can’t make this stuff up !
    (I did not have sex with that woman)

    How stupid etc..think… Americans are ?

  47. BaconRain

    Wow I just found out the US apparently funded Hitler. I wasn’t even aware he needed funding. The things you can learn on the Superficial are amazing.

    The Black Plague? CIA plot. big time.

  48. FCS

    Geez I throw bring back the draft out there and not one peep out of the Bushcain lovers out there. Typical pussies, then again if you prponents of illegal war as a foriegn policy had any balls you would have enlisted already.

  49. Cliff Notes

    I think you need a third party down there.
    The two there now seem happy invading smaller countries at random.
    Government of the people, for the people, by the people, as long as you have 500 mil to a billion cash to run your campaign.
    I’m having a bit of a disconnect here.

  50. JungleRed


    Hey Swissboy,

    Merck, Bayer, and many other European companies funded Hitler. Most of them continue to exist and profit. American companies are also culpable. But it was ultimately the people of Europe who allowed the rise of fascism.

    Be careful of comparing Switzerland to the US. One of our countrymen Orson Welles once noted, “In Italy for 30 years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder, bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, and the Renaissance. In Switzerland they had brotherly love, they had 500 years of democracy and peace. And what did they produce? The cuckoo clock.”

    Switzerland owes its stability to being a mercenary state, initially mercenaries of war, later of financial institutions. We enjoy your chocolate. Please enjoy our computers, internet, telephone, airplane, blue jeans, movies, music, lightbulbs, polio vaccine, sewing machine, refrigerator, oil well, motor cycle, contraceptive pill, nuclear power, moon landing, and all the other advances either pioneered by us or made better and more available through American ingenuity and entrepreneurship.

    You’re welcome.

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