Angelina Jolie steals people

September 23rd, 2005 // 43 Comments

Angelina_Steals.jpgDespite claiming in adoption papers that the biological mother of Angelina Jolie’s newly adopted daughter, Zahara, was dead, Britain’s The Sun has reportedly tracked down 18-year-old Mentaweb Dawit, who claims she is Zahara’s birth mother. Although she does not object to the adoption, her reappearance may cause some problems for Jolie:

“The adoption could be illegal because the law in Ethiopia says that if the mother is still alive she must give her consent and in this case that may not have happened. The adoptive mother must appear in court to nullify the old papers and re-apply for adoption. The baby’s mother must also appear to give her consent.”

I’m no legal expert, but doesn’t this make Angelina Jolie some sort of serial kidnapper? Yet she hasn’t been subjected to the law, and why? Because she’s a celebrity, that’s why. She steals a person’s child and another person’s husband, and she gets called a “philanthropist” and a “sexy siren.” Meanwhile, I lure a few teenage girls into the shadows and suddenly I’m a “flasher” and a “pimp” and a “diagnosed psychopath.”

Equality under the law my ass.


  1. Proteon

    It’s good to see the fine journalists at The Sun tacking hard hitting news articles.

    Tomb Raider is the best movie ever made.

  2. She just can’t be happy getting her own things. I think that W magazine shoot is hilarious with all the aryan children in her ficticous family with her ficticous husband. Seeing how her real family is a bunch of african children and a stolen man.

  3. annaleigh

    Be careful, you’re starting to lose your hilarious voice in these entries. Perhaps it’s the fault of the new editor(s)?

  4. mutterhals

    ^^^I concur, the new editor is starting to suck huge horse dildo

  5. Lizardqueen

    With all the perfectly good unwanted children in the world you’d think Angie could scoop up some of those. If one more person tells me I look like her I think I’ll self combust. Is it because I’m a psycho? Or is it the Billy Bob tattoo? I’m quite offended. My lips look nothing like a cow’s asshole.

  6. brettburns

    Lizardqueen- you look like Angelina? Wow, give me your number. I’d love to cheat on my wife with you.

  7. Lizardqueen

    P.S. Her man jaw rivals that of Jennifer Aniston. No?

  8. Proteon

    What is attractive about Angelina Jolie? I’ve seen her movies, I’ve slept through them, I’ve napped in the shadow of her lips, but I can’t for the life of me see what the fuck is so great about her. She and Charlize Theron could have a yawn-off.

  9. bone_daddio

    from what i hear she steals the babies, has some of their fine baby fat extracted via lipo and has it injected to keep her lips plump and moist.

  10. jon


  11. mac2048

    Yes, giving the child back to the impoverished, teenage mother, who didn’t want her to begin with, is a LOVELY idea.

    Just kill the child quickly and painlessly now, if that’s what will ultimately happen. Better that than dying slowly of starvation in a poverty-stricken shanty town.

  12. Ms. Dilligaff

    Hey hey HEY. Now let’s not get hasty and start saying beautiful women *shouldn’t* get whatever they want, whenever they want and not have to pay. I’d no longer get my free scoops of Ice Cream at Baskin Robbins, and I’d reeeally miss my free oil changes at the Jiffy Lube!

  13. grasshopper

    she is so hot she can have anything she wants… plus she can kick ass if they dont let her just have it!!!!

  14. Diana

    I really doubt she stole the baby, it just doesn’t make sense considering there are so many babies needing to be adopted.

    Proteon- I agree with you, I just don’t see the appeal of her, she looks trashy to me.

  15. mysticstar

    i don’t think Angelina is in the wrong. See, why is mother suddenly appearing out of nowhere AFTER angelina adopted her daughter? she wants to cause trouble?-> for money?

    we don’t know. but i still think angelina is not in the wrong… =)

  16. stinkypinky

    Well if Zahara was stolen she can always get back at Angelina by stealing Brad when she is older. That will teach Angelina a lesson. KARMA!

  17. DallasFish

    Angelina Jolie can do whatever she wants, to whomever she wants, whenever and however she wants.

    Aside from defacing her incredible body with tattoos, being a mental freak, adopting little monkeys, soul kissing her brother, breaking up marraiges, making Tomb Raider, adopting more monkeys, making Tomb Raider 2, geting off while slicing herself as she’s being drilled and wearing a vial of Billy Bob Thorton’s blood, she is a sex-ah goddess and makes my pants go crazy.

    The only reason I would kick her out of bed is to do it on the floor. Or if she said something mean about bunny rabbits. Shit like that just pisses me off.

  18. mac2048

    I just read that the birth mother said (in an interview) that she is happy Angelina adopted her daughter and is giving her a good life. She doesn’t want to cause trouble and will not fight for custody.

  19. Lizardqueen

    mac2048 said:
    “Just kill the child quickly and painlessly now, if that’s what will ultimately happen. Better that than dying slowly of starvation in a poverty-stricken shanty town.”

    May I add “Better that than dying slowly of starvation in the gold paved, diamond studded land of Hollywood, ala every anorexic rich douche bag under the sun.”

  20. Ragin_Pope_Angus

    Angelina, please come to Dallas.

    I want to be adopted by Tribe Jolie, too.

    Momma Angelina would (ahem) nurse me back to health.

    I’d never wean off the tap.

  21. Joe Mamma

    Hell, she can have both my children if I can f*ck her once. It would be the best 90 seconds ever!

  22. reigne

    Did anyone even notice that at the bottom of the article it says, “Dawit’s mum, Almaz Blfnhe told authorities that her daughter had died in childbirth.” WTF??? The lady that claims this child is hers isn’t even backed up by HER mom.

  23. stinkypinky

    That is weird. I don’t know what a rape and illegitimate child does for a girls reputation in Ethiopia but possibly she did it to protect the girls future chances of getting married and having a “normal” life. There might just be a few men in Ethiopia that aren’t up on all the Hollywood gossip. Maybe then somebody waved some cash in front of Metwab’s face for the story and she resurrected herself.

  24. mac2048

    To Lizardqueen:

    Nah, I’d still rather die rich and spoiled among the Paris Hilton’s of the world than among the conditions in prensent day Africa.

  25. *le-le79*

    how could any human, man or woman, not be attracted to Angelina??!!!

  26. Roxy

    easy *le-le79*…. we have taste! go figure!

  27. *le-le79*

    taste? i have taste, just a different taste from yours apparently

  28. Sam

    she is hot

  29. ImRichBitch!

    She probabably looks better than most ppl who have posted.

  30. Juliette

    I’m sick of hearing about her. Until her and Brad start talking about their sex life, I’m tuned out.

  31. I’m pretty sure she had no idea the adoption was illegal if in fact that is true.

    I’m also pretty sure she didn’t steal any husbands…just because she fell in love with a guy who was still married does NOT mean the marriage wasn’t already over.

    Read Here

  32. eatme

    have you ever heard of SARCASM ??- take 10 valiums and calm down

    she is hot but a skank – ummmmm yummy hot skanks

  33. Grey

    im a woman and i think angelina is hottttttttt.. id totally do her!!! i dont care who or what she steals!! and something is different with the articles, theyre definately not as funny as they once were. so sad.

  34. heifferzzz

    discovered this site recently and love it, love it, love it!!! dayum, i’ve been missing out all this time, whoever writes this shit is HILARIOUS!!!hehe!! ok, i can’t get over how funny=good this site is!!

  35. Excuse me?

    She is is so disgusting !
    How can she adopt children with all her mental issues? I bet cause she is rich and that is the only reason !

    She belongs in a Mental Asylum

  36. i forgot what you wrote.. that picture is a major distraction :~)

  37. Lizardqueen

    To mac2048: I thought we were gonna kill the baby anyway. That being preferable to turning into Nicole Richey. Duh. Hollywood or the dark continent? I’m going drunken whore on stilettos all the way.

  38. dizzydallas

    Dallasfish too much thats the T izzy…and Lizardlips…whatever…anyone that has lizard in their name can NOT look like angelina…no lips im sure you dont have…. She is a hot bitch so get off on a Duff or sumthin…whaa

  39. Harry Kryshnah

    This is an old story that’s been discredited. I don’t think the Sun printed the discreditation, though.

  40. seminole

    put me in the “Angelina can adopt me” camp.

    I require…no, no, I DEMAND to be breast fed.

    although I do wish these hot actresses would stop mucking up their bodies with shitty tattoos. I’ll give Angelina a pass because I think she’s mentally ill and she’s still 99.98% hot instead of 99.99%.

  41. him_lover

    what is wrong with the tattoos? i think they are sexy as all hell. shit, i think she needs to get some with colour, maybe a hottie pin-up girl on her thigh…
    angie is soooo fucking hot. i’m a chick, and i would suck her clit all night.
    as for brad, who cares? jennifer looks like a horse, and she’s a whiny bitch. give me a hot crazy opinionated woman over a whiny horse any day.

  42. seminole

    I didn’t say there was anything wrong with tattoos per se, just big ugly ones that cover half your stomach and back.

    when a woman has a perfect body, I see no need to cover it with the bad artwork of some biker circus freak…

    angie is soooo fucking hot. i’m a chick, and i would suck her clit all night.

    or maybe I do. forget everything I just said.

  43. It could be a small number of men in Ethiopia, they are not all Hollywood gossip. Maybe then someone waved a little money before the face Metwab for history and resurrected itself.

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