Angelina Jolie rides the train

November 13th, 2006 // 71 Comments

For some reason, Angelina Jolie getting on a commuter train is big enough news that every major news agency is reporting on it. She bought tickets from a city station and boarded the Mumbai train but was so well protected by bodyguards that nobody could get near her for an autograph. And that’s it. She got on a train and wouldn’t sign autographs. That’s the news. I don’t want to tell Reuters or the AP how to do their job, but if they’re actually paying people to write these articles they might as well be shooting their money out of a cannon into an elephant’s butt. This is the sort of hard edged investigative reporting you’d expect from a 3-year old.


  1. yuckyfresh


  2. hisforalways

    oh my god she looks awful. what the fuck is wrong with her.

  3. ebayfan414

    Ummm that’s whitney houston. Damn poppyroozy and their mistaken identities.

  4. Captain Handsome

    Slow news day aparently…
    #3 makes a good point – she’s on a one way train to witney-ville (or houston-town)

  5. danielle

    Wrong Casting.

  6. Binky

    My sources tell me her right elbow was the inspiration for that thing in Alien

  7. Malphesto

    she look horrible what uglly hair

  8. Spunkbubble on J. Alba's chest

    Jesus Christ! Can you say, “looks busted!” Apparently Brad Pitt is riding that thing like a redneck on the gravitron at the county fair! Rough and repeatedly. She’s getting close to Nicole Richie territory with that weight. Hold her down and throw a burger down her throat!

  9. WOW – she looks like crap – what’s with the hair

  10. BarbadoSlim

    I’ll tell you what’s wrong with her, she’s in fucking India, it’s hot as hell and the place stinks, (even people from there acknowledge this), and everybody looks like shit.

  11. jrzmommy

    Damn I need some cock.


    I believe I am all of those verbs. Goodnight to everyone. I’ll be back tomorrow to humiliate myself some more.

    Why do I do this to myself?

  12. trampstar

    I refuse to believe that’s her. She looks WEIRD.

  13. Lady Serpentine

    Hey, #10 –

    Could it be that the stress of raising a child and being pursued by the paparazzi is making her lose wieght? Could it be the heat and dust of Mumbai?

    Yes, yes it can.

    Can it be because everybody there “looks like shit”? I highly doubt it. Most likely you look like shit yourself, your pathetic asshole.

  14. She looks fine, people. You go to India and try to stay prim and proper. Doesn’t work.

    Anyway, it’s a story because it gets a picture of Angelina Jolie in their publication. Simple as that.

  15. hotguy

    she looks like a knocked-up cabbage patch doll, kinda on the meagre side there too. Gosh, jolie seems to be enjoying a wealth of global starvation, they best hope she doesn’t eat the train :p

    Popozao baby, omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  16. BarbadoSlim

    Hey #13 I do look like shit but that’s beside the point, I meant it as looking like shit ’cause it’s hot ass hell and you’re sweaty and dirty from being outside, hence look like a shit.

    So fuck you AND blow me, and learn to analyze what you read before you post to me.

  17. mrs.t

    hello morons: she is shooting a movie in India, playing the part of Daniel Pearl’s widow, who is of mixed-race, hence the busted hair.( I am also of mixed-race, so don’t start) She is also, as has been mentioned, in fucking INDIA. Where they still have the plague. You can probably get it through showering in the disease-ridden water, so she smells as bad as she looks. That’s why she was on the train-her driver got a whiff and was all, “No fucking way”.

  18. wednesdayheartattack

    This is most likely on the set of the movie about murdered journalist Daniel Pearl. Angelina is playing his wife, Marian, who’s hair looks just like that (see link).

  19. Jenna

    I want my own personal makeup artist for Christmas. Becaus I never want to be photographed looking like this.

    WTF is up with that arm? I’ve seen heroin additcs with less visible veins.

  20. ElatedPornStar

    OMG! I actually had to pull a double take when I was scrolling through! For a second there I thought it was a post-surgery Halle Berry/Michael Jackson hybrid. But it was only Jolie, and those cushions on her face. It’s such a turn on.

  21. GG 4.33

    She looks incredibly ugly. I live in NYC, and I’ve run into a few minor celebrities. They do not even come close to looking like they look on TV/film. I love when they photographed without their celebrity makeup teams. Angelina looks like major shit here…

  22. Permanent dark circles under eyes, grey skin, disgusting arms & hands and that constant freaky glare …
    I’ve been screaming the ugliness of that woman for years …

  23. She looks like she was sucking the glass pipe among other things. Her inner elbows (red marks) look like she has been pretty submissive. ;-)

  24. vanillacreme

    Yes, she looks like she lost weight…but, hello, she’s in India. Anyone I’ve ever met who’s been there says they lost weight because it’s so hot and humid you just don’t want to eat much (and a lot of Americans don’t like the food). But…it makes it seem kinda authentic. You know, she’s believable as a widow who’s lived on stress, grief and coffee.
    But…it would be nice to see her get a bit more color, and food, when she gets back to the states. Cuz right now it looks like picking up her kids could snap her arms.

  25. Is that Jolie or Richie?

    LOOK at her arms!

  26. TheEmancipationOfFirecrotch


    Angelina rides the train with four bodyguards and AP/Reuters reports on it. I ride the train solo to downtown Manhattan on the regular, and get flashed by a randy hobo whose genitals I know don turtlenecks every season of the year.

    Okay, so he doesn’t so much flash riders as much as I just always seem to curiously look for the hole in the crotch of his sweatpants, but that’s beside the point.

    This story is so much more entertaining.

  27. Dory

    I cant believe her getting on a train makes the news. Just shows how many brangelunatics there are out there.


    TheEmancipationOfFirecrotch… your story WAS DEFINATLY way more interesting than slutilina riding a train. Thankyou. It made my trip to the Superfish interesting which is more than I can say for the time I wasted reading this post. Mind you I’m glad to see the superfish agrees.

  28. aurealis

    More important, when’d she get a jerry curl?

  29. kitty_kat

    Whoa. I guess you can add Angelina to the list of celebs who only look good when their face is caked with makeup…

  30. TNB Alerts

    Jolie is half negro.

  31. pumpkinpye

    Poor Angelina, I guess her visit to India resulted in some gutter rat making a nest in her hair. Brad might think that is hot.

  32. Tits_McGhee

    Nice Jerry curl.

    In other news, Jesus was black.

  33. becca11

    you with the weird name. skinny arms doesn’t affect what your face looks like. atleast she doesn’t look like a SLIGHTLY younger Dustin Hoffman ( beedy close-set eyes, swollen nose, thin bowed lips, long chin)….you prob know who im talking about.

  34. BigJim

    She looks like a man, … well actually a shy young lad begging to have his little starfish punctured. I do love the mens.

    BJLTC ;^0

  35. Missallanpoe

    Jesus tap dancing christ it’s jerry curls! Nasty yo.

  36. Is that Karen Carpenter? God, that was the first thing I thought when I saw her arms, I know she has always had skinny arms, but yikes. Maybe I should ship her some healthy food.

  37. Naranja

    So what if she lost a few pounds? She is still Angelina! I bet you`re all jealous:)

  38. RichPort

    I don’t believe that’s Angelina Jolie… please have her lift her shirt to prove it. I have no idea how they would get Daniel Pearl’s wife naked in a movie, but Jolie will find away. Me, my Lubriderm, and my case of Kleenex say so.

  39. SmrtrthnU

    It’s people like you that make Americans look dumb to the rest of the world. Step out of your bubble of bad information you ignorant fiend. Indian’s don’t suffer from the plague and elephants aren’t the primary means of transport. We’re half the reason your economy is sustaining at all, clearly people as dumb as you couldn’t possibly be doing much to help it.

  40. urheartshapedbox

    damn she still looks amazing and i bet shes not wearing makeup
    stop talking shit lets see how many of you guys can do that

  41. jrzmommy

    41–Can do what? Ride a train full of Indians in that heat with the smell? I’ve been on crowded packed public transit in sri lanka when angelina was just a self-mutilating teenager and I rarely wear more than Chapstick, so, big fucking deal. Or are you talking about that Jewfro perm? Oh, well, that’s another story right there. I wouldn’t perm my hair for all the rupees in Punjab.

  42. Aeolis

    I couldn’t believe I said it, but I did – last night,when a friend mentioned offhand how hot she is, I was looking at these pictures and just screamed, “Not anymore!” She looks DISGUSTING. Where’s the gorgeous curvy Angie from Mr and Mrs Smith? She looks skeletal, and Marianne Pearl is not that thin!
    As for blaming India – my dad is a rich guy who went to work in India for a month, where he stayed in a five-star hotel that did it up completely American style for him. You’re telling me that BRAD PITT AND ANGELINA JOLIE haven’t tricked out their stay to the nth degree? They would have never brought their kids otherwise. And Brad isn’t exactly looking like Carson Daly or anything…

  43. Lady Serpentine

    Hey, #16 –

    You look like shit AND you’re full of it. Go get some fiber or something.

    and #17 —

    If they have the plague in India, it’s sure as hell not in Mumbai, k?

  44. jrzmommy

    They have plague in Arizona and Los Angeles. and in spot #44. nyuk nyuk nyuk.

  45. commissioner

    I saw “Ghandi”. No one on this planet can convince me India is a great vacation spot.

  46. jrzmommy

    Ah! Welcome to Sunny Bayonne, NJ!!

  47. commissioner

    What’s up with the stupid fucker using my name on the NR thread?

  48. Ms. Sass

    Why do you always see pics of Jolie and the two adopted kids, but you never see the “real” Jolie-Pitt?

  49. MamaSan

    It looks like her and that hair took a ride on the “BASE ROCK EXPRESS!!!”.
    Old school style.
    Way to go Fangie..hit that soda can!

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