Angelina Jolie gains weight in the most awesome way

October 4th, 2007 // 110 Comments
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Sometimes it’s nice to hear about celebrities doing something awesome. It gets kind of tiring hearing about the custody battles, drug addictions and whatnot. So here’s Angelina Jolie doing what I can only describe as some sort of miracle. Page Six reports:

Her emaciated stomach nearly ruined In Touch’s plans for this week’s cover: “Is Angelina Jolie pregnant?” To protect its story, the glossy bought exclusive rights to the shots of her taut torso “so no other weeklies could run them,” said an insider. In Touch claims Jolie gained 10 pounds in her chest, but conveniently cropped the photo above her flat stomach. “When Angelina showed up looking so skinny, they bought the photos,” our source said. The mag says, “The most striking area of Angelina’s weight gain is in her chest.”

How in the hell do you gain 10 pounds in your chest? That’s incredible. Seriously, Wonder Woman couldn’t even do that. No matter how many times I told her it would help me pay attention to her more. What? She tied me up with her Golden Lasso! That thing makes you tell the truth and, well, I like boobs. When a magical rope controls my speech, don’t be surprised if I say, “Hey, those could be bigger.” That’s just cause and effect, baby.

superficial

  1. meee

    yeah i’m sure that inTouch is accurate…

  2. “How in the hell do you gain 10 pounds in your chest?”

    Maybe she got bigger eggplants put in.

  3. wtf

    What a load of crap. After weight loss you don’t gain it back in the boobs first. I’m sure it’s just a padded bra. There’s not even enough muscle tissue on her skeletal frame to support new implants. I know because I got really sick last year and lost a shitload of weight. I’ve only been gaining weight in recent months and let me tell you…the boobs are the first to go…and last to come back.

  4. stephiphany

    If it’s true that’s not fair at all. I gained 10 pounds and it all went straight to my gut.

  5. Huh

    I’m not trying to be mean, but their baby looks like it has downs syndrome. The poor thing! Let’s be optimistic… maybe she’ll grow out of it.

  6. heidimontag

    Dear Brad:

    Only douchebag copycats dress the same as their women, like, for example, my own fiancee!

    Sincerely,

    Heidi Montag

  7. KJ

    Why is it that they usually have one kid at a time?! It’s easy to have four kids when you can take them in shifts. I give them a lot of credit for what they are doing, it just doesn’t make sense to me that they are never all together at once.

  8. Oh the wisdom!

    OMG! What a totally cool and wise idea! Starve yourself during pregnancy! That’s what every woman should do! Because Angelina is doing it!

  9. i believe

    that is bullshit. yes, she’s stacked, but gaining weight ONLY in the chest? incontheivable!!!!

  10. alex

    the kid is beautifull

  11. Lydia Layne

    That may be one of the first pictures I’ve seen of her holding Shiloh. She’s also carrying around Zahara. Shiloh looks JUST like her dad.

  12. Katie

    What an ugly baby…

  13. lani

    where’s the other kids?

  14. Lindsay

    Katie, are you a fat dude? Babies like that grow up looking pretty.

  15. karen

    why is shiloh playing with scotch tape? the tape-cutting part can and will cut fingers…

  16. I LOVE how obsessed you are with Britney Spears.
    Isn’t she FABULOUS.

  17. mia

    um… where are the other kids?

  18. No one

    That kid weighs more then she does.

  19. Spongebob Gangsta

    Brad’s a cabby.
    Angelina’s glasses need a squeegee.
    And the kid tawt she taw a puddy tat.

  20. i believe

    @17 — they only really love the biological one.

  21. alex

    all of you sounds retarded.
    they look good.
    shut the fuck up!!!

  22. Bag-o-fun

    WHY does Angelina never dress her girl child like a girl? So people wont “notice” her?

    You have tons of money. Buy some fucking pink and purple, already.

  23. janny

    OMG, her arm is so creepy (pic 5)

  24. Jamie

    That kid is going to be gorgeous!!

  25. Whatever makes the boobies bigger

  26. CatV

    I would like to know why Shiloh is NEVER showing any affection to either parent, never has her arms around them in a hug, never smiles. Something is definitely going on. Why is she never walking? Why isn’t she wearing shoes, only slippers? Has there been any rumors of a problem with this poor little girl? God only knows she didn’t ask to have such a freak as a mother.

  27. 1MILF Hunter

    Maybe she really got Laura Croft tits.

  28. What a slutty size-queen.

  29. squab

    She’s ALWAYS had big boobs though! Look at some of her earlier movies, she had them then, and has them now, skinny or not skinny. Nothing has changed.

  30. jacknasty

    that quote was the worst writing I have ever heard! Was it written by 100 retarded monkeys with 100 typewriters?

  31. missmarnip

    notice that they seldomly look happy since they have been together? are they so annoyed of the paparazzis or can’ t they take this pr-marriage anymore?

  32. Binky

    This couple must rate as the most sleep-inducing in Hollyweird or wherever it is their orphanage is located.
    After a six pack of Red Bulls could barely do 20 minutes of Mr. and Mrs. Smith.
    Then this week tried my frist ‘Oceans’ movie. Lucky 13. After TEN minutes my partner in viewing, as they say in the industry, whispered over – ” Do you have any idea what’s going on in this movie ?”
    Binky : Oh. You too ? No sorry. Haven’t a clue. Maybe Dancing With the Stars is on.

  33. Everyday is I hate Paris Hilton Day

    Ok not that this needs to be said well except for the prepubescent little zit factory boys that whack off to this site and know nothing about women or have ever seen live boobs but most breasts only weigh like five pounds in the first place. Angie’s probably don’t weigh even that much. Only someone like Sherri Shepard would have double digit weighing boobies.

    Anyway Angie hasn’t gained a pound come on look at her same old, same old And she is looking old. Blah.

    Well somebody got Mommy’s forehead, poor kid, now that’s a gift you’d want to return ASAP!!!! Too bad even plastic hollywood doesn’t have a surgery that can fix that. Kid is gonna need bangs.

  34. WildwolfWoman

    I remember reading somewhere (I doubt this or any gossip site) that she feels like the adopted kids need more love and attention because of their background and fear of being teased in the future for being the only bio-child..

    like they (adoptees) deserve more…

  35. kitty_kat

    I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again:
    Suri Cruise is WAAAAAAYYYYY cuter…

  36. kitty_kat

    And 10 pounds in her chest alone? Bullshit. You’d have to gain weight everywhere else to gain that much weight in your chest.

  37. Brad is wimpy

    These boys that dress like their wives/girlfriends are pussywhipped. Angie lays out the clothes she wants him to wear. He has no choice and is not allowed to think for himself. He knows she will not give him any pussy unless he complies 100%.

    Brad is a pussywhipped wimpy little mommas boy. Now it’s time for Tom Cruise to step into the picture and fill a “void” in Brads life.

  38. Vernita Green

    Baby looks like Jared Leto in Fight Club, nuff said.

  39. Catherine

    Shiloh used to be cute but i agree with the comment that shes starting to look like she has downsyndrome

  40. AmeriCanadian

    Padded bra or she’s on Le Rag. Holy Fishlips, Batman! I am shocked at how…not pretty that kid is. I agree, Suri Cruise is a lot cuter.

  41. jennifer

    how come my t*tties didn’t get bigger yet?
    jlo

  42. mimmi

    hahaha
    pic5 she looks WORN OUT
    hahahha welcome to Motherhood
    brads like all ahappy go lucky

  43. Beautiful family! The baby is precious. Thanks for the pics.

  44. Judy Greer

    F-ing A.H.

  45. Re: #32
    Just kidding people – they seem like decent shits and, well…
    - 9-11 was an Inside Job.

  46. kate

    SHILOH NEVER dresses nicely. What is wrong with her MOM?????

    ANGIE ASK KATE HOLMES FOR ADVICE ON HOW TO DRESS PRETTY GIRLS!!!! Shiloh looks soooo ugly….is that on purpose??????

  47. Kate – YES, my sources are saying SHILOH’s lack of fashion sense is actually a signal that ….well you know…
    9-11 – was an inside job etc…
    (Hit the link and… wonder hun)

  48. When’s the USA going to get mad ?
    This is your history.

  49. “Wednesday, September 12, 2001 :
    Three arrested with van full of explosives”
    (It’s on the links)
    Like, I’m all for bringing in Judge Judy here.
    I’m sure Angie and Brad and their kindergarten crew would agree !
    (on topic)

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