Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt will have a Namibian baby

April 17th, 2006 // 177 Comments

The local governor of Namibia claims Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt told him they will have their baby in Namibia and have considered giving it a Namibian name.

I don’t want to sound ignorant, but I have absolutely no idea where Namibia is or what their names are like. In fact, up until three minutes ago when I read the article I didn’t even know that Namibia was a real place. They could’ve called it Narnia and I wouldn’t have known the difference. I’m just hoping Africa lives up to my stereotypes and traditional Namibian names consist of clicks and whistles.



  1. Vampyreska

    “I’d much rather use my passport to sit my ass on a beach with a cocktail in hand and not have to worry about getting malaria or AIDS.
    Just like I’d rather read really stupid funny comments on the Superficial rather than feel like my 8th grade history teacher is also logged on here to teach us all a thing or two about a thing or two.”


  2. Ms Crackalackin

    I wonder if the Pitts from Missouri are going to get themselves some vaccinations and head on over to Africa for the birth. Something tells me NO. Something also tells me that Brad was not too fond of his baby being French so the compromise was the place they had their first week-long fuckfest. That’s where Angie wants to squat down in the dirt and push out the little Namibian just like a real Namibian woman. Either that or she’ll have her team of American doctors and anesthesiologists and jacuzzi and silk sheets and just wants the pretentious aspect of having giving birth in Africa. Coz her whole thing is being pretentious while pretending hard not to be.

  3. Italian Stallion

    #17 It took me a long time to figure out why you were so upset about us not knowing about Nambia and all the useless shit you had to say about it, but then I looked up at your name and figured it out. Chantelle, you wouldn’t happen to be black, would you? I’m sorry did I say black? What I meant to say is African American, my apologies…..

    Your parents named you Chantelle, thats classic, I guess Pork Grinds was already taken by another family member……

  4. flamarkel

    At 825,418 sq km, Namibia is slightly more than half the size of Alaska. Its percentage of arable land is 0.99%. Its population is 2,044,147, with a median age of 20 and a 3.06 fertility rate and it has 115 airpots with unpaved runways. My God, people, don’t you know anything?

  5. St.Minutia

    Look who just sailed in with Captain New Guy on the Retard Armada, it’s DonnaA, Chantelle83, gavrilloprincip and Page.

  6. cinnarose

    #36 you rock my world. If said rock was infested with Tom Cruise he would probably try to stick the “adult” pacifier in Angelina’s mouth. And by pacifier I mean dick.

  7. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    56 – you just tripped over that “fine line” which would have been rock solid had you left out pork grinds, which is, I guess, the hottest-latest dance craze next to ‘lean wit it rock wit it’ and ‘tha ratchet’. Pork Rinds, however, are delicious with K-Fed’s Corn Rolls.
    Chantelle, by the way, is a pretty name. For a My Little Pony.

  8. seaglass

    Expressing doubt.

  9. jennyjenjen

    #57 get’s it. Thanks for the laugh.

  10. Italian Stallion

    I agree Osh and I apologize to the superficial world, however I am in no way racist (being serious for once in my life) and I just love tripping over that fine line. It’s ok though because Karma is a bitch. I suppose one day I will be caught in a drive by, by an interracial gang consisting of blacks, puerto ricans, mexicans, jews, nuprins, and whoever I left out.

    The blacks will be doing the shooting, the puerto ricans will be driving the car which they stole, the mexicans will be flashing gang sign’s, the jews will be robbing me of my loose change, the nuprins and or chinese will be taking notes and the ones I left out which are probably Italian will have ordered the hit……………….

  11. miss_paris

    ok that is just lame,and so is the owner/editor of this site for not knowing where fucking namibia is. its right next to south africa,kind of above..i live in SA.

    anyway….the name is probably going to be something like Kathlego, or Tsosi (haha),or Nwhlathnsnga…..lots of whistles and clicking.

    ange and brad are just being stupid,WHY would any1 want to have their child have an ugly black name,thats gross.

  12. TaiTai

    #55 thanks for that image of Angelina squatting down in the dirt. I think I have a great idea for a new sculpture. Maybe I will be a millionaire someday after all, despite what my daddy always said about me and my lack of gray matter, whatever that means.

    And Oshkosh, I don’t know whatchoo talkin bout, I love Pork Grinds with my Corn Rolls. Chantelle’s coming over later to join me. We’ll squat in the dirt together.

  13. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    Mr. Stallion – I’s just sayin I like Pork Grinders and Corn Rolls, but the damn Puerto Ricans at my office keep stealing them. They think everything is free.
    I hope Brad and Angie name the baby Oshkosh because that shit is gangsta.
    What’s a “nuprin” and is it fast-acting against sinus pain and pressure?

  14. mamacita


    “WHY would any1 want to have their child have an ugly black name,thats gross.”

    Sooooo, I’m guessing you’re a fan of apartheid, right?

  15. L~Money

    you are all just being ignorant bastards.. why would anyone not want to have their child in a third world country located in narnia? two countries west east of death camp 5 and 10 degrees south of Chantelle83′s parents shack

  16. Aurora_BoreMeAlice

    AJ is into witchcraft. It’s gotta be true because gossip says so (ground bat parts given to Brad is a vodoo spell to break up a marriage). She’s gone to Namibia so her baby can be delivered by a Witch Doctor.

  17. PapaHotNuts

    Considering the mode of transportation in Namibia, can you put spinning rims on an elephant?

  18. mamacita


    Dude. You can put spinners on anything. Seriously. The other day, I saw a Ford Escort hatchback that was painted in blue and red primer and it had spinners. I’m pretty sure spinners on an elephant would be an improvement on that. However, the mad reflections off of them shits would drive the other jungle animals keeerazy.

  19. spatz

    #64: why is a racist 12 year old named miss paris skeezing around the superficial anyway?
    you suck.

  20. bunnyhugger

    #63 stallion,
    damn, dude! you gotta watch out for those nuprins!
    first they get ya and then come back every 4-6 hours to get you again!!
    on the upside, it’s usually just one or two of them at a time.


  21. Italian Stallion

    Osh, nuprin can consist of any asian, I’ve mentioned it before (little, yellow, different) I guess you would have to remember that commercial from back in the day…..

  22. LookAtME

    I’m personally offended by all the remarks about the lovely county of nambididdy. I’m currently basking there in a mud pool that smells pretty bad, but it’s got healing qualities. If only the flies would stop buzzing around my head.

  23. biatcho

    OHHH, it’s NamIbIa. I thought we were talking about NAMBLA all this time. I knew Jolie was a fucking freak but I thought, “you don’t even know if it’s a boy yet, why are you offering it up to Tom Cruise in some weird-ass African Man-Boy- loving ceremony before it’s even born”?

    Chantal, or whatever the christ her name is, is totally right. You can have your babies in aids-infested shacks surrounded by a bunch of “people” who brush their teeth with bones but, godammit, little boys cannot have sex with Tom Cruise as soon as they’re born. Little girls can – he just doesn’t want them to.

  24. biatcho

    I’m sorry for that last post. Auruora-BoreMeAlice took over my computer & logged on as me. Hence the really unfunny post that took 3 days to come up with.

  25. TaiTai

    Oh you guys rock. This reminds me of the old days. Thank you, thank you!

  26. bunnyhugger

    so, stallion, instead of 4-6 hours, does that mean they hit you and an hour later you’re hungry?

  27. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    74 – I wouldn’t remember that I guess because I’m 17 and my tits are super high and firm.

  28. Italian Stallion

    Bunnyhugger, have fun yesterday did we? I wouldn’t know about an hour later being hungry, I have dog’s, I don’t eat them……

  29. It is so good to see two people with their unborn child’s best interests in mind. People come from all over the world to live in America, as of late usually illegally, and wait years for US citizenship. These two wise ones are going to give their baby Namibian citizenship over US? While they’re at it, they ought to let the baby be ritually scarred and circumscised with an elephant bone knife.

  30. Evangelia

    hah! everyone is really funny today, specially #76. i have nothing to add, except i’m glad #44 gave a shout-out to tijuana..where i live!
    and now if you’ll excuse me, i have to leave for my job at the “donkey show”.

  31. jennyjenjen

    82. The kid will have dual citizenship til it is 18 then will have to choose one. Hmm.. wonder what it’ll choose..

  32. bluecanary

    Brad Pitt & Angelina are perfect for each other. She feels the need to adopt random babies from 3rd world countries. He feels the need to dye his hair to match his girlfriends.

    Hint: It looked better when he matched Gwyneth and Jen. Black hair does him NO favors.

  33. A Nobody

    I’ve seen what Jolie looked like before her plastic surgery, she was hidious as hell. The baby’s gonna be ugly. At least giving him/her a foreign name would make people judge less.

  34. ESQ

    In response to #17 & 28 “Chantelle83

  35. kitty_kat

    If its bones that they brush their teeth with then maybe people here should start that too! They have very nice teeth…

  36. kitty_kat

    Why are their names “ugly” to you? Because they actually know what they mean? God, just go dance around in your klansman suit or something…

  37. Aurora_BoreMeAlice

    #86 Please give me the link to pre surgery AJ.

  38. biatcho

    oh I forgot that we are all supposed to check the factual data regarding anything & everything before we comment on it. Our comments are supposed to be 100% true before making fun of…

    kitty kat – I could give a rat’s ass in plain english what the hell their teeth look like. I care almost as much as I care about your dumb ass comments. Keep it to yourself & go burn a cross – you gots to be racist because you just used the words “klansman suit”. We all mostly call them “sheets” but only insiders know they are called “suits” so clearly you’re a racist pig.

  39. kitty_kat

    You can go f*ck your politically correct self because mentioning klansman suits (sheets, whatever, I don’t give a f*ck) does not make you a racist or a klansman! You are clearly the racist and ignorant one here, since you are SO uptight about people responding to your postings… and since you obviously seem to think that everywhere in Africa is dirty and AIDS infested. I’m actually laughing at the fact that you have the nerve to call me racist. How wrong you are. Just STFU and don’t pick fights over nothing, okay?

  40. booface


    I totally agree with you. They should stick to normal white names like Apple, Coco, Dweezil, Moon Unit, or Heavenly Hirani Tiger Lily. This black girl in the cube next to me is named Lisa–can you believe how ugly that is?

  41. I’m convinced that Angelina Jolie is headed the way of Brigitte Bardot > past beauty turns into socio-conscious nutjob with rotting teeth and cats sitting on her head. If you’re going to be all socially aware on us, at least look pretty while you’re doing it!

    Gentlemen (and ladied), enjoy Angelina while she lasts.

  42. kitty_kat

    Oh! And guess what?? I’m not white! So that kinda ruins your theory of me being “an insider”, doesn’t it?

  43. biatcho

    I don’t when the hell the word fuck was changed to F*ck but I don’t like it one bit.

  44. biatcho

    and kitty kat (cute name by the way…)here’s 5 bucks – buy some sarcasm & throw in some sense of humor while you’re at it – you’re gonna need it when you go to college.
    Keep the change.

  45. jugsgirl

    wow kitty-kat -

    you should vent more often and not let stuff get bottled up.

    it could be bad for your blood pressure

    better yet buy some valium

  46. PapaHotNuts

    Kitty_Kat and biatcho- please stop the hatin’. No one here is a racist. Wait a second, there’s a negro walking by my office and I think he wants to steal something or have sex with my white secretary. Hold on, let me lock my door.

    Nevermind, he’s the janitor. He didn’t tell me that, I just assumed because he’s colored.

  47. jugsgirl

    im jealous -

    kitty-kat and biatcho have papahotnuts playing mediator.

    you girls should feel really special and go jello wrestle for him

  48. PapaHotNuts

    I agree- I’d like to mediate that also.

  49. biatcho

    kitty kat couldn’t handle it… it’s apparent she has high blood pressure and the last thing I need to happen again this week is to cause death by sexing.

  50. booface


    In the event that my HR department is monitoring my internet activity, I would like to go on the record and say that I am not laughing my friggin’ ass off at PapaNutThack’s comment. I find it extremely distasteful and do not think that it is his funniest post ever. Wink, wink.

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