Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are infantile

August 25th, 2006 // 54 Comments
angelina_jolie_brad_pitt_in_car.jpg

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt spent half an hour sitting in their car outside Scott Caan’s Hollywood birthday party because they didn’t want to go in and run into Angelina’s estranged father, Jon Voight. Brad eventually went in by himself and Voight left soon after, letting Angelina enter through the back door. I could understand this behavior if Angelina’s dad beat her or sexually molested her, but their relationship fell apart because he said on national TV she needed help for her “mental problems.” Sure that’s cruel, but Angelina also used to carry around a vial of Billy Bob Thornton’s blood around her neck. You can’t carry around a vial of blood and then be offended when somebody calls you crazy. It’s like drinking your own urine and then getting upset when the other people at the restaurant start staring.

superficial

  1. First!!!!Yeah, baby, yeah!!!

  2. Jacq

    FIRST!!! Whoop de-doo! I mean doo-doo-feces!

  3. nwork

    It’s comforting to know that no matter how rich, famous, or desired you may be, you still clip your garage door opener on your sun visor.

  4. Jacq

    Damn you, Triumph! Oh well, at least I got doo-doo-feces in there…

  5. Bioplant

    I would be interested to know if Angelina Jolie enjoys anal sex.

    Because I know Brad does.

  6. babydollz217

    what a pussy

  7. BooBoo

    So what if the bitch hates her father? He’s an asshole. She shouldn’t have to see his ugly mug if she doesn’t want to. Besides, I bet they tore off a sweet piece waiting in the car an’ smoked a doob, too.

  8. YoMamma

    #5
    any woman who wears a vile of blood and makes out with her brother likes it in the keester. And I agree…you know she does him good too.

  9. Elikapeka

    You’re not supposed to drink piss?

  10. Rimmer

    She should adopt some more children so they can be sent out to warn her in advance. Not Shiloh though, only the adopted ones. I know of a certain asian kid that is gonna get such a beating for not properly performing its task. Can you send them back?

  11. Xopher.tm

    Hey, I don’t want to run into Jon Voight at a party either.

  12. Jacq

    #9 – Apparently, you just shouldn’t do it in restaurants. It’s news to me as well.

    Remember the Seinfeld where George thought he had purchased John Voight’s car? What was up with that?

  13. Binky

    I have a similar problem.
    I don’t go to their movies because those two are in them.
    (Although I must admit – I had a good snooze during Mr and Mrs Smith)

  14. Stephanie12

    They won’t last much longer because there is no way he’s as freaky as her in bed. He’s missionary, she’s whips & chains. It just dont mesh.

  15. tits_on_snack

    OMG U GO IN FIRST
    NO U
    NO U
    NO U GO IN FURST HE’S UR DAD
    UGH OMG HE IS SO UN-FAIR
    I KNO
    HE CANT TELL ME WUT 2 DO
    I KNO! UGH HE IZ JUS TRYIN 2 CONTROL U
    I KNO! UGH I DON WANNA GO IN U GO IN
    K BUT R U COMING 2?
    I WILL BUT U GO FURST K>?
    K
    K. GOD MY PARENTS LIKE DON UNDERSTAND NE THING
    I KNO

  16. In an act of contrition, her father should make a donation to one of those shithole countries she so loves. Voigt should send a million fly swatters to Namibia, or perhaps a year’s supply of Slim Fast to help the natives maintain their Nicole Richie physiques. Something, anything, to heal ease their plight. Only then, when he has appeased her by aiding the less fortunate, will Angie get out of the car.

  17. AmericanMcKrout

    #15- bwoohahahahah!
    This bitch (and I do mean bitch in the traditional sense- just a dog in heat) needs to GET OVER HERSELF immediately. No ammount of African ass-kissing and brown-baby adoption is ever going to convince me she is anything other than a self-centered, egotistical, home-wrecking cunt. Period. She and her pussy-whipped she-man should sign parental rights over to his somewhat normal parents(?)and drop dead. Maybe then the kids will have a fighting chance at turning out normal.

  18. biatcho

    he was in thelma & louise right? (By in I mean “in the movie”, because he’s gay & they’re dykes).

    Take a lesson from that flick, stay in the car and drive it off of a fucking big cliff, never to be heard from again. Eexcept I want to stick around to see the car blow up in a fiery explosion and make sure they are actually dead. I mean, I want to see limbs blown all over the place & actual proof that neither of them are still breathing.

  19. bluecanary

    Meh, I don’t blame her for this one. My dad’s a dick, too. I wouldn’t have even bothered showing up to a party he was attending.

    I think she’s just another vapid celebrity who puts out crap movies, but I’m with her on this one.

  20. BLucky

    I dunno. Jon Voight is really creepy. I’d stay in my car too. :-\

  21. jane's eyre

    He said she had “mental problems” because she probably propositioned him, and he said no, so she’s all pissed off about it. That’s one screwed up family. Tonguing your brother and screwing your dad must seem normal to a freak like her.

  22. Meg

    #15 is the funniest thing I have read all day.

  23. DrDanny

    #18 — yer killin me! a million fly swatters! hahahahahahaha
    No, seriously! that’s funny!

  24. thesarahficial

    Why don’t celebrities ever take their husbands last name? Angelina Pitt hahaha

  25. IFuckedYourDaddy

    I wonder if she booty screws him as hard as she sucks that hot curling iron to make her lips look like that?

  26. IFuckedYourDaddy

    BPLASO (Brad Pitt Loves a Strap On)

  27. aura

    I’m with #7 & #21. I don’t see the big deal cause my father is a dick, too. So she’d rather sit in the car than subject herself to needless awkwardness and aggravation? Big deal. I don’t blame her. Besides, she only missed out on Scott Caan’s birthday party, ooooooooooh. Too bad, so sad. It’s not like it was the second coming of Christ or anything even remotely important.

  28. henrysgirl

    Accckkk, she’s a drama queen and so is he. He likes chicks that aren’t speaking to at least one of their parental units. Remember when Jen wasn’t speaking to her mom?
    Hmmm what next for Brad? Estranged wives and their estranged pets?

  29. bunnyhugger

    maybe i’m just talking crazy, but if i don’t want to run into someone at a party, i go home.

    what a concept.

    haven’t seen an aunt of mine in almost 20 years, because i was NOT going to subject my daughter to the pedophilic uncle (is that a word?).

  30. @30

    “I concur, Doctor, do you concur?”

    http://www.holisticwisdom.com

  31. Angie: Man-Slave, go see if my father’s still in there.

    Brad: Yes, sex-goddess

    http://wampoon.com/

  32. MyWellRehearsedMistake

    When I first looked at this story I thought it said “Jolie & Pitt are Infertile” – I thought it might be some exciting story about how Shiloh Whatever It’s Name is not the second coming but in fact, liberated from another impoverished country like all her other children. You know, a lie, Suri Cruise style but more visible.

    Turns out it’s just a story about them not wanted to get out of a car. Damn.

  33. BoognishRising

    The image dictates another story: Anjelina accidently spilled Billy Bob Thornton’s blood all over Brad’s shoulder (see picture). Brad is looking in the back for a kleenex.

  34. Stephanie12

    Why is she mad at daddy? What dumbass on planet earth didn’t already know she was a psychotic whore?

  35. in all fairness…she only drank urine in a restuarant once…and for the record, she DID say it tasted like piss and later switched to diet pepsi…

  36. I love you # 19. I think it’s funny that AngelinaIHaveABroomStickUpMyAss, won’t talk to her father because he cheated on her mother? Hmmmm. Now where have I heard a similar story? You know the one, about a homewrecking whore? Hmmm. Oh maybe it’s the one about Angelina getting it on with Brad while he was still married? Hmmmm. Maybe.

  37. naeboo~

    but she’s too hot to be blamed for anythg lesser than a small town worth of mass murders.

    and she had to pee on them after to make me feel shocked coz shes too elegant for that sort of shit.

  38. but she’s too hot to be blamed for anythg lesser than a small town worth of mass murders.

    and she had to pee on them after to make me feel shocked coz shes too elegant for that sort of shit.

  39. dupababy

    oh now i love me some angelina.. this bitch has been waving her freak flag from here to uzbekistan for years and years.. and just maybe daddy-o has some bags o’blood stashed in the fridgedaire from marcheline? who knows.. but i do know this.. family is a four-letter word…

    http://www.stingybitches.com/page%201.html

  40. daveeech81

    i bet she’s not wearing panties.

  41. Angelina Jolie looks like a vampire. Incidentally, she also acts like one too…(blood vile???) Anyway, I can see being mad at your dad but you’d think someone who is soooooooo super “good” at “helping” others would at least be able to help herself and come up with something more original than this crap. Isn’t she in her 30s? LAME.
    Angelina, dear, you aren’t that special. unless you’re talking special ed.

    http://nottheordinary.blogspot.com/

  42. InstantAsshat-AddFame

    A certain spelling style
    Could be considered vile
    Miss Jolie kept Billy Bob’s blood
    Around her neck in a vial
    A Vial!
    A Vial!
    She kept it in a vial
    Public announcement–you may please now go back to spewing bile.

    Thank you.

  43. jrzmommy

    So why the fuck did they bother going at all? He was there first….if she didn’t want to be at the same party with the man then SHE should have gone home. Anyway….Did she give the two brown kids back yet? She doesn’t seem to have much use for them anymore.

  44. The Devil's Prom Date

    Like any lady who has taken one from her brother, she draws the line at sex with her father, at Scott Caan’s house, on Scott Caan’s birthday.

  45. Eye-Dish Lass

    So did these two ridiculous F’ers say they would only go to this dude’s b-day party if he donated all his f’ing birthday gifts to the orphans of Namibiawibizibia?

  46. Eye-Dish Lass

    THANK GOD Angelina took off the f’ing pimped out blingadingding diamonds on her ears. First, they were weighing her down. Second, I was just sick of seeing them. She probably found out Zahara’s baby-Momma died in a diamond mine in South Africa from where her diamond earrings were mined. But then again, if baby-Momma’s didn’t die, there’d be no orphans….and Angelina looooooooooves a good Orphan! (Brangelina should kill themselves to orphan 3 more!!)

  47. Eye-Dish Lass

    @18- Sweet! You SO nailed it.

    Brangelina are going to James Caan’s SON’s birthday party and she’s wearing a tan-colored turtle-neck. The good sex is gone with high-button shoes. Then again, are we SURE that is her? There’s not a refugee or orphan within a half mile radius. PS: Billy Bob said screwing her was like effing a couch.

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