Angelina Jolie almost kidnapped not almost kidnapped


UN Goodwill Ambassador Angelina Jolie reportedly foiled a kidnapping attempt on her life. She tells the News of the World:


Angelina Jolie always sounds like she’s leading the most exciting life. All I did over the weekend was punch a terrorist in the mouth before stealing his helicopter and blowing up a gang of pirates. I guess nobody ever tries to kidnap me because they know they’d also be kidnapping the worst ass-kicking they’d ever receive in their entire lives.

UPDATE: I took the quote down because apparently it was 100% made up.