Angelina Jolie almost has her new kid

March 13th, 2007 // 58 Comments
angelina-jolie-vietnamese.jpg

A Vietnamese official says Angelina Jolie is just weeks away from getting her new 3-year-old son. Her application is being processed quickly and should be finished by the end of March at the latest. The director of the orphanage says about the child:

“He is in good health,” Trung said, adding that he gets along with the other children and likes playing soccer. “He is a little bit shy.”

And because Vietnamese law makes it difficult for unmarried couples to adopt, Jolie is applying solo. Like it actually matters for somebody like her. She could have three lesbian wives and a pet alligator and she’d still get this child. She probably thought she was being so crafty too. “I’ll put down that I’m single. They’ll never suspect!” And then she pulls her shirt over her head and pretends she’s a ninja as she runs off into the night.

superficial

  1. BarbadoSlim

    Nice one Angie

    I don’t know how she does it but once again she manages to make Aniston look like a man.

  2. Fifth Stooge

    That is some great fucking news.

    Late news.

    But great news just the same.

  3. elvisfanlaura

    Oh, so THAT’S why she adopted without Brad. That makes sense.

  4. Nsomniac

    Why does it sound like Angie and Brad are putting together a real life cast for the joke “The Aristocrats”? I can’t wait for that breaking news. I hope they work in a rusty trombone.

  5. TotalFucker

    FRIST! I got you, you fuckers.

  6. veggi

    I love her, but I didn’t know she adopted an alligator…

  7. This is a slow news day for sure. Why cant we vote on what gossip is good?

    Oh, at http://www.celebritypwn.com you can. :)

  8. 86

    Wake me up when she actually has him and we can make fun of what he’s wearing.

  9. tits_on_snack

    Whew, thank god she’s adopting a child who has already developed a personality. I was terrified for a second that maybe she was thinking of giving birth to one of those “blobs” again.

  10. HoraceMcTittiesworth

    Hey, will someone ask her if she’ll trade her Cambodian for a mint-in-package Russian?

  11. llllllllll

    Monster Spelling and McDermit have given birth to a boy. hUray hurah BLAHHH

  12. MrSemprini

    How about a slightly used Caucasian, aged well? I’m already potty-trained.

  13. HollyJ

    At least she’s doing something good with her money. WTF has Aniston done with hers? Fix her “deviated septum?”

    Correct me if I’m wrong–I believe it was BRAD who was married and made the choice to be a lying infidel. I believe HE’S the cheating home-wrecking whore.

    Why does Angie get the heat because Brad couldn’t keep his dingle in his pants? I love how everyone blames the woman when a man cheats.

  14. fluxus008

    can one of you nerds please explain how this is ‘great news’?

  15. flr

    I want to be one of Angie’s three lesbian wives…

  16. holy shit. now she’s only 999,996 kids away from the perfect “brangelina” clan. i bet the next kid’s gonna be from mars or venus or maybe if we’re lucky, some kid off the New York streets.

    p.s. hi fish.

  17. N@ughty

    oh yea how come her and brad aren’t married yet? wouldnt it be alot easier to adopt the kid without having to go through more court drama to give him brad’s last name? next kid probably mite not talkeded right…or spel rite…or do any3thi2ng ri87te.

  18. DecorativePoncho

    don’t worry, she and Brad are BOTH cheating homewrecking whores.

  19. D'arcy

    15 — This is great news because another poor defenseless orphan has been saved from the mangled and nasty, nasty world by a famous sexy American celeb with dollars coming out of her ears.
    Can’t you feel the tears coming to your eyeees as you think of how this poor ragged toddler’s life has been saved!? Now he’ll get everything he wants! Before, he slept on a pile of fire ant-infested leaves and now he’ll get a bed shaped like a Ferrari! He used to run around naked, covered in mud, and now he’ll have his own gay fashion designer. And this is just the beginning, of course. Ah… goodbye scummy little Vietnamese village. Hello, wild and busty America. All the orphan babies of the world would do well to suckle at your ample breasts.

  20. whackjob

    So there’s four kids at a school lunch bench: an Ethiopian girl, a Cambodian boy, a Vietnamese boy and a white girl.

    The Ethiopian girl says, “damn, everyday the same thing, powdered milk, sand and bugs”.

    The boys say, “bugs, you got bugs? we got rice.”

    The white chick says, “shut the fuck up or mommy will sell your asses on eBay by nightfall”.

    Nannhhh….aristocrats and trombones work much better!

  21. black sunshine

    new Halloween costume: 3-year old 3rd-world country boy. i’ll have to wear it a while, but the payoff will be worth it . . .

  22. How long before adopting “normal” kids doesn’t do it for Saint Angelina? How long before she welcomes home a mongoloid asian (a literal mongolian mongoloid) with Tourette’s and a touch of kleptomania? Or a blind kid from Fiji who has a severe stutter and a penchant for dry humping Brad Pitt’s leg? Or maybe a two-for-one, a Siamese twin from Siam with mother issues and a masturbation/incest conflict? Can God just reward them for their great benevolence and take them home in a light aircraft crash?

  23. fluxus008

    20. lol. now i see.

  24. BarbadoSlim

    “Hello, wild and busty America. All the orphan babies of the world would do well to suckle at your ample breasts.”

    Oh Yeah BAybee this the filthiest thing I’ve read here, MORE AMERICAN TITS!!!!

    Oh say can you see, by the dawn’s early light..

  25. imran karim

    guess they decided to get another asian for mad

  26. whitegold

    damn she annoys me. doesn’t it seem like her primary motivation for these “adoptions” is because she considers these things to be fun and collectable play things. it has nothing to do with her strong motherly instincts or desire to help. it’s cuz it makes her feel special and important. she likes having all these littly kids that are so needy and dependent on her so she can feel all superior and stuff. i mean, let’s be honest, if it was just about wanting to be a good mother and help a child, she would have stopped by now and just focused on taking care of the young kids she already has. the fact that she keeps on adopting more, and making comments about how some of her kids are blobs and she doesn’t like there personality, i think that speaks volumes about her intentions.

  27. whitegold

    Oh, and as for why she’s adopting an asian boy: she’s already made it very clear that maddox is by far her favorite! she’s only had negative things to say about her white girl, and you really don’t ever see the ethiopian girl, so in all her wisdom and selflessness, her thought process is “well, so far i like my little asian boy the best, so i’m gonna go get another one cuz these other two have been real drags”. i’m sure if she could, she’d happily give back both the girls, and that includes the one she actually gave birth to! she’s a loser.

  28. Just Say No To Jolie

    You hardly ever see the black one because it turned out butt fucking ugly. Which is why she decided to go a little older this time. She had no idea that the Zahara would turn into one of the ugly ass Williams sisters. It doesn’t matter though in the long run. All those kids will be drained of their blood, boiled and eaten by the voodoo priestess/vampire by the time they’re 6 anyway, and Brad will forver be a zombie.

  29. Libraesque

    #18,
    Mr. Pitt writes,

  30. omelette ze roar

    I have to say that I’m jealous of her. My best friend has been on the adoption waiting list for three years, and these countries are throwing babies at Jolie left and right.

  31. itspat

    Brad could have said “Angie and I will consider tying the knot when she finds a way to purge her neurotic false memories of extreme trauma suffered when her dad cheated on her mom.”

    At least then he would have been honest.

  32. jrzmommy

    It’s ironic. As an actor, Brad Pitt is ruggedly handsome, and he’s done well in some very masculine hyper-aggressive roles (Fight Club, sure, but also Snatch, Se7en, and others). But in his real life, especially when it comes to relationships, he’s a total pussy.

  33. kamihi

    she looks so hot here, smug though, smug bitch being able to order babies like other people order pizza.

  34. I like angelina, she’s damn hot, but I cant stand those Willy Wonka Sunglasses

  35. Whammer Jammer

    Hate this worthless bitch with a passion. Bitchy, ugly, and useless, not to mention talentless. Please go the hell away and don’t come back, you’re sickening.

  36. Lowlands

    She’s a pretty smart woman,she knows what money can do.But she’s also a out of control controlfreak.If you’re still conscious,good luck with you brad.

  37. NipsyHustle

    #14

    i don’t know that i would call “impulse shopping for babies” a good way to spend your money. these children have so much to overcome such as language barriers, culture shock, malnutrition and neglect. these kinds of wounds take time to heal but before the “new baby” losses it “newness”, she’s off looking for another one. i wonder how inadequate these kids are going to feel when they grow up after watching her drag in new orphans non-stop like they are on clearance.

  38. licklick

    She has just as much right to her hobby as collectors of rare stamps and coins.

    Really, give her a break already.

  39. luvinit

    How is she gonna look after all those kids with her career? Oh thats right stars never look after their kids right? Thats what nanny’s are for. Who would have ever thought an actual mother looking after her children! Its mind boggling

  40. Dory

    Ribbit… Frog woman purchases yet another Photo Op baby, more photo’s, more money, more “looking so saintly” but lets face it. Does a human cross frog who carries her partners blood around in a vial on a chain really consitute as a good mother.

    I’d rather be in the rice paddy’s thankyou.
    Flies aren’t really my food of choice anyway.

    Ribbit.

  41. sumnersgal

    Does the kid come with a “How to Run A Successful Nail Salon” brochure? Wait – did I just say that outloud?

  42. Just Say No To Jolie

    LMAO @42!!!!!

    P.S. Jolie should just die already. She’s hired a hitman to kill her, she’s made up kidnapping stories, for the love of God, can somebody please fucking succeed already? Come on Brad, do the right thing. Strangle the bitch. You know you want to.

  43. lilygirl

    Wait, does she REALLY carry around Brad’s blood in a vial around her neck???
    I thought that was just a joke.
    Fuck that is wierd.

  44. isitme

    There are SO many “normal” families that want to adopt…It blows my mind that this skank just walks away, looking like a “skaint”, and adopts children that would probably have love, except for her…which includes 5 minutes, a nanny, and a photo-op! I adopted 2 cats from the Humane Society…I wanted another, but they let me know that it wasn’t gonna happen! I would assume that these kids feel the same way…enough is enough! Though children aren’t cats (I would like them more if they were), those kids are asking for rehab, if not an early intervention for the lovely “BLOB” Shiloh. Everyone should be ashamed that they are “selling” kids to her!

  45. isitme

    lilygirl…I read your question…she had Billie Bob Thornton’s blood around her neck…honestly! She just sucks Brad’s manhood through her nose.

  46. lalala

    god. she is so beautiful she makes me wanna cry.

  47. lalala

    oh yea i’ll rub my hard on against her drippy wet pussy… oh yea… she’ll be moaning and asking for more… thats when i’ll thrust deep deep inside her and start fucking her like a little slut that she is… oh yea…

  48. Let’s see her pull the shirt over her head! Yes!

  49. zena marie

    #45 you’re awesome! and I agree about the cats.

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