Angelina Jolie’s Fixer Went After Melissa Etheridge? Okay

“HAHAHA, she’s going to steal your kids!”

Because I’m not 65-years-old and I haven’t just woken up after falling asleep in the middle of Grey’s Anatomy, I’ve never seen Scandal, but I do know what a Hollywood fixer does, because I have seen Ray Donovan. So I assume this story is about how an old Jewish guy and a hot goth lesbian help Liev Schreiber beat the shit out of Melissa Etheridge while Jon Voight nails a black hooker. No? This is about a phone call? Oh boy, this outta be juicy! Via US Weekly:

The Grammy winner, who used to be friends with the Moneyball star, sang the song on Watch What Happens Live about being contacted by Jolie’s team — which is being led by crisis manager Judy Smith, a “fixer” who was the inspiration for Kerry Washington’s Scandal character — with what she described as “a subtle warning.”

And here’s her scandalous (End my life, please.) song that’s not really funny, but it does clearly call out Angelina Jolie’s team for trying to silence her.

But let’s not forget why Angelina Jolie might have a special reserve of fucks to give when her name falls out of Etheridge’s mouth, considering that time Etheridge basically told her she should’ve tried oil-pulling and meditation to stave off cancer instead of cutting her breasts off like some kind of pussy. Okay, I may have paraphrased that last part, but if I had adopt-an-African-village-and-live-on-a-French-vineyard money, I’d probably have a team of minions dispatching my enemies, too. And sexy robot maids. I’m talking Vicky, but like, now, when she’s grown up! God, why do you guys always have to make shit weird?

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