The Oscars were last night, and like every year, they were a regal and boring event second only to golf. So we’ll try to strafe through it as quickly as possible without making Charlie Sheen think we’re his long-lost F18 soulmate that needs coke banged into next week. Anyway, here’s Angelina Jolie who showed up looking surprisingly giddy for a woman whose leg got stuck in “Steal Husbands” mode.
ANGELINA: Maddox, scurry up mother’s gown with a can of oil. I’m stuck again.
MADDOX: Right. Sorry if I squirt you.
ANGELINA: That’s what she said. AHAHAHAHAHA!
MADDOX: Mother, I’m 10.
ANGELINA: Oh, don’t be such an Aniston. You know the rules.
MADDOX: Sigh. “Anyone who’s an Aniston has to move out and live with John Mayer.”
ANGELINA: There’s a good boy.
Photos: Getty
What, now pictures of Jim Rash making her look like an idiot? How dare you!
*no
was Brad Pitt too stoned to say “hey, crackhead put that thing away before you kill someone, you’re embarrassing me.”
I think it worked perfectly, no one is talking at all about what a skeleton she is. Everyone’s talking about Angelina Jolie’s right leg, no one at all about how sickly she looks. Great public relations move. She looks sick, I bet she dies before the year ends.
So, is this your deathpool wager, “She’s dying”?
who needs to wager, it beginning to look like fate? Has the hollywood obsession with thin, drugs addiction not taught you anything as of yet? Was Whitney, Winehouse, and all the numerous recent deaths not telling enough for you? Why don’t you just remove the veil of your face before defending the obvious sickly human being in desperate need of medical attention and rehab.
Actually, you assumed your ass right off. It was a serious question. And death pools are based on a timeline, that’s the whole point, if you pick the wrong week then you lose. How does anything I said relate to defending Skelator, anyway? I don’t happen to think she looks healthy at all, but why state the obvious when it has been stated adequately by others? Redundant or what.
This photo kind of makes me want to hide my dalmation puppies.
Ha ha…you didn’t wi-in. Na na na boo boo.
She must have hid in a closet for a fort night to achieve that shade of marshmallow white.
the older and uglier she gets the more arrogant she comes across. i guess when you start to think you’re the female Jesus Christ then your ego may get a little inflated. she looks like skeletors daughter. she’s so damn boney and sickly looking. i can’t believe Brad left Jen for this anoxeric fuck stick. he could just banged her or brought her home for a threesome but that would be it.
i’m with you. on everything you said. i’ll add this, she poses so hard, i bet she doesn’t shit for days. also, she looks way to sculpted in the face. not only is she boney in the bod, but her face looks so hard.
Or female Satan..that would explain her ego and blood vile days and gothy dark look that she still wears to this day.
who the fuck stands like that in every single photo? i used to think she was an effortlessly chic woman.
now i think she’s a nimrod.
Now you thing she’s the legendary greatest hunter to ever live?
“nimrod” is American slang for an idiot; a simpleton or a nerd.
What was Billy Connolly doing at the Oscars?
Boring Bag of Bones.
it looks like Brad already nibbled all the meat off of it.
I read that if you’re exposed to the sun and eat food you’ll die in 7 days..
I was wondering what she was trying to accomplish the whole time, it just looked forced and unnatural.
Then the guy making fun of her on stage was pretty funny. I can’t say she did not ask for it.
‘Then the guy making fun of her on stage was pretty funny. I can’t say she did not ask for it.’
I must say, I am glad that guy threw that little gesture in. Of course, she probably can’t grasp that someone would mock her.
Where the4 fack is your Jim Rash commentary, they guy skewered this whore and I love him forever. Also Sasha Baron as the dictator dumping fake ashes on the Seacrest, which made me cry with joy. Come on Fish give me some funny commentary NOW.
I squeed like a baby when Jim Rash and Nat Faxon got their award! They are some of my favourite weirdness from Reno 911!
Why did none of the tv people have anything to say her bony, skeletal face? It couldn’t have been an issue of lighting on that stage cause nobody else looked so pale and gaunt. Didn’t she once look hot?
count ur blessings.
if courtney love had shown up on the red carpet half as high as angie was last night, this morning while u eat ur breakfast u would be looking at courtney love full blast butthole shots instead.
Good point.
“Look at me !!! Ain’t I just the cats’ ass!!!”
“Look at me! Pay attention to me!”
She’s getting more desperate as she’s aging. She looks like a heroin junkie that got a makeover.
Disgusting.
I thought coke for sure, but I can see the heroin angle, since she seems so constipated.
hahahaa!
Not sure if throwing out your boney gaunt right leg is the “right” attention. But she must be in denial of her age as well. I have never understood what was the big deal about her, she always scared me with the vampire look….gawwk! Jen is wayyyy prettier not to mention healthier!!
Totally using “don’t be such an Aniston” in my day to day life…
Lip my stocking! no, lip, lip… lip my stocking.
She looks like one of those bobble-head toys you see on the dashboards of taxi cabs. She is utterly vile…a graffiti-covered 2×4 with a bouncing head on top.
replusive…..she needs a doctor
I’ve got a fever…and the only thing that can cure it is more Stephen Hawking robot voice.
I love seeing her fake her way through this entire award season. She deserves an Oscar just for pretending that she is there to support Brad but she’s really there hoping someone will remember that she “wrote” and “directed” a movie this year. She does not like playing second fiddle to any man. They’ll be separated before the end of the year.
So she was semi blonde and ferociously posing.
Interesting.
He really does look like such a doofus in so many shots.
you can tell he wants out but is so scared of her LOL
I think you might be right.
I’ve always thought she was one hot tamale.
She used to be so curvy and naturally attractive. I think her face is still beautiful but she’s much too thin. She always has been an attention fiend-she did bring her brother to the Oscars and makeout with him.
I adore her, but that dress and pose requires a younger leg.
I just visualized said leg kicking you in the jaw. It was hilarious.
Yeah, they are looking the bony side of 50 these days.
You know why Angelina Joli looks so pale? It’s because her narcissism is so huge it bends light toward her.
A+
When she was on stage I was actually repulsed by her left arm.No offence to the Auschwitz concentration camp survivors but her left was exactly like one of survivors……Sickening, how has size zero become the norm in the 21st century?
I’m a size 0, and she is no zero. She gets everything custom-made, I’m sure about it. I’m quite small but I have meat on me nonetheless.
Yeah, some people are naturally a size 0. She is a starved zero.
Shes not naturally small, look at older pics of her, she was curvy. She’s had addiction problems in the past, probably back on the smack. That would explain her weird posing.
That’s what I said, basically, prufrocker40.
It takes a lot of hard work to look that fucking shitty and that fucking terrible.
Also a lot of hard drugs.
Jennifer fuck off! You jealous hoe! Time to move on!!!
some people hate both and some like me dislike all three so get your facts straight bitch
Angie looked gorgeous and sexy! Wow look at all the angry Jennifer Aniston fans. Bet you are really mad about Jens movie wonderlust bombing badly since it came in 8TH at the weekend box office. Journey 2 been out 3 weeks came in at 3 place, pulled in more money then that thing of hers.
Jesus FUCKING Christ. Why do people ALWAYS have to drag Aniston into this? It IS possible to criticize Angie without being a Jen loonie.
You fucking asshole.
Yes she looked bad and I’m not an Aniston fan at all. Maybe she has hyperthyroid that shit makes you scary thin.
Yep, gorgeous & sexy for a week-old corpse.
Gold, are you working for Anniston or what..because if I was you, I wouldn’t be defending her so much for free.
LMAO, jealous of a vampire, casper skin, freakish looking skeleton is your ideal of jealously angry Jen fans?…hilarous! Don’t worry about Jen she will be making movies and probably out living Jolie. Case ya didn’t notice celebs are dropping like flies!!…
If any one had any doubt about Angelina being a fame whoring adulteress poser, here’s your answer. What a desperate move. Aside from hip displacement, I cannot think of a single valid reason for this move.
Trying to ride that Christina Aguilera diarrhea leg fame, “Look at my leg, no diarrhea I’m better than Tina”
Seeing Angelina last night, I’m glad that I stayed on Team IWantMoreNipSlipsFromAniston
believe it or not………MY C*CK LOOKS QUITE IDENTICAL.
please please please go away
hahahahahahahah
what a ghetto pose LOL
Angelina from the block
she looks so ghetto in this pic lol
Angelina from the block
wtf is this
I wonder if she practiced this move in front of a mirror. It’s hard to imagine doing so and thinking “yeah, chicken leg wrapped in velvet…that’s the Oscar look this year”.
you can tell she’s so vain
she looks so funny now because she is not attractive anymore
Superficial’s reader criticizing someone for being vain…that’s right we all are intellectuals here.
she’s vain. or vein.
brad is over it
Ever notice how much happier he looked with Jen?
airing it out
Dried out, washed up Old Hag. And she used to be so pretty… heroin is a hell of a drug
indeed
agreed
Skeletor!
Angelina: “you know you want me bitch”
That was priceless when the writer mimicked her on stage in front of a billion people. She could avoid all this if she just took her herself less seriously or had an iota of humor.
shes scary
Very.
Ugh, I can’t stand this OVERRATED bitch!
‘THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS THEE! THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS THEE!”