The Oscars were last night, and like every year, they were a regal and boring event second only to golf. So we’ll try to strafe through it as quickly as possible without making Charlie Sheen think we’re his long-lost F18 soulmate that needs coke banged into next week. Anyway, here’s Angelina Jolie who showed up looking surprisingly giddy for a woman whose leg got stuck in “Steal Husbands” mode.
ANGELINA: Maddox, scurry up mother’s gown with a can of oil. I’m stuck again.
MADDOX: Right. Sorry if I squirt you.
ANGELINA: That’s what she said. AHAHAHAHAHA!
MADDOX: Mother, I’m 10.
ANGELINA: Oh, don’t be such an Aniston. You know the rules.
MADDOX: Sigh. “Anyone who’s an Aniston has to move out and live with John Mayer.”
ANGELINA: There’s a good boy.