If You See A Drunk Andy Dick, Don’t Pick It Up

July 19th, 2013 // 23 Comments
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Seen here acting like a goddamn mess and kidnapping Asians at Chelsea Hightower‘s birthday party last night, Andy Dick apparently fell off the wagon over the weekend after somehow managing to stay sober for Dancing With The Stars until he was eliminated. An event that sent him in a trail of booze to the Hamptons where he accosted both a husband and a wife who thought it’d be a smart idea to bring his drunk ass to their house and cook him eggs. Page Six reports:

We’re told Dick was at a bash in East Hampton Friday looking “incredibly intoxicated.” When a friend he’d arrived with disappeared, a spy saw the former “NewsRadio” star visibly “upset.”
“He didn’t know where he was staying,” our source explained. “He had no cellphone or wallet.” A woman offered to take Dick to her place — “Big mistake,” she told us, adding that on the way, Dick “grabbed the steering wheel” as she drove, and blasted her radio.
But things were about to get much worse. “When we got to the house, [Andy] told my husband he was hungry,” the good Samaritan told us. “My husband made him eggs. [But] Andy spat at me because I could not put a song he requested on my iPod quickly enough. He kept asking . . . if I was a moron.”
Then, “He grabbed my breast and said, ‘You’re so hot. I would [bleep] the [bleep] out of you!” When his advances were rebuked, openly bisexual Dick grabbed the crotch of the woman’s husband and tried to kiss him, she said.
The couple told Dick to sleep it off for a few hours. When the exasperated wife took him back to the party to see if he could find his friend, he grabbed beers from her fridge to drink on the way, despite her objections. When she dropped him off, “He asked me if he could borrow 20 bucks!” She didn’t hand over any dough. “He is a tortured soul,” she said.

Just a thought. Maybe the next time this women feels the need to nurture a wounded animal, she pops the lid to her trash can and lets a bunch of raccoons in instead. Not only is it safer and causes less property damage, but they hardly ever try to grab your dick, the furry little prudes.

Photos: Fame/Flynet, INFdaily, Splash News, WENN


  1. EricLR


    But seriously, this guy was once really funny on the Ben Stiller Show. It’s easy to forget that after 20 subsequent years of him making himself into such an epic goddamned mess.

    • JC

      He was also awesome on NewsRadio, although everybody on that cast was, at least until they were killed and/or continued to be Andy Dick.

  2. Andy Dick Drunk Peta Murgatroyd
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Anyone wanna take a guess on the gender there of Dick’s possibly-being-restrained-and-def-being-used-as-crutch companion?

  3. Andy is a funny guy, he really is. Unfortunately he’s an alcoholic and addict, AND the kind of drunk who loses all boundaries of social behavior when he’s janked. That’s the worst possible combination.

    He’s also been a disappointing entry on my Dead Pool list for like 8 years straight.

  4. BSName

    “Drunk Andy Dick” is not a headline.
    “Sober Andy Dick” is a headline.

  5. He always strikes me as being such a nice person when he’s sober. Pity he can’t keep it together.

  6. “If You See A Drunk Andy Dick, Don’t Pick It Up”
    It prefers to be poked with a stick.

  7. I just have semi-fond memories of seeing him as Santa’s Evil Brother Damian in the Hebrew Hammer… other than that… why is this oxygen thief still alive?

  8. I don’t get why anyone would invite this crackhead anywhere, unless they are specifically hoping for this outcome.

    In other news, somewhere in LA a little Asian boy is getting raped right now.

  9. Clearly that woman’s heart was in the right place and she’s probably a very compassionate person. However, she should remember that people suck and go adopt some rescue pets instead. At least when they poop in your house, it’s an accident they they will grow out of, not a joke that only they get.

  10. His kids have to be psyched that he fathered them.

    “Why couldn’t mom have banged someone respectable, like John McCafee or Charlie Sheen? At least they have money.”

  11. crb

    That thing still lives, and Phil Hartman is dead?

    Why, God?

  12. Andy Dick Drunk Peta Murgatroyd
    Commented on this photo:

    Is that one of those gaged earrings in that kid’s ear, or a cottonball?

    Yep, I give no shits about Andy the dick, but I’m nosy about the ear thing.

  13. Andy Dick Drunk Peta Murgatroyd
    Commented on this photo:

    How is it that whenever Andy dick tries to rape someone in public, no one helps the victim

  14. Andy Dick Drunk Peta Murgatroyd
    Commented on this photo:

    coz he’s a complete DICK!!!

  15. Andy Dick Drunk Peta Murgatroyd
    Commented on this photo:

    I think we should call it Vagina, not a dick

  16. So these folks are driving around the Hamptons at night, see Andy Dick staggering around alone & drunk with no other potential witnesses in sight, and their first thought is ‘let’s take him to our place and make him eggs’? Hmm, maybe it’s just me, but my first thought would have been ‘golden opportunity to rid the world of Andy Dick and never get caught’.

  17. anonymouse

    I heard about this before last Friday. You’re a little late to this gossip, Superficial…

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