Andrew Dice Clay on Charlie Sheen

By: The Superficial / March 18, 2011

Captain Andrew Dice Clay of the S.S. OH!, was stopped by the paparazzi this week who asked his thoughts on Gilbert Gottfried getting fired by Aflac for his tsunami of, well, tsunami jokes. What they got instead was an expletive-filled rant on Charlie Sheen that sadly didn’t end with a parrot landing on his shoulder and going, “Bi-winning. SQUAWK!” Via RadarOnline:

“Nobody has got the balls to tell this guy how f***ed up he is. He’s on TV terrorizing newscasters because they’ve seen him waving a f***ing machete in the air. He’s f***ing saying, ‘I’m winning.’
“Let me tell you something Charlie, I used to be a big fan of what you do, you did some great movies in the past, you had the opportunity to be on one of the greatest sitcoms of this f***ing decade and then you go on TV and promote f***ing drugs, you call that winning?”
And there’s more.
“You call winning when there’s f***ing custody battles, your kids are being taken from you and you’re living with two f***ing porno actresses that I could watch on YouTube, (bleeping) myself off and shut on the off button?
“And then you go on TV and promote f***ing drugs. You call that f***ing winning when you get f***ing fired from a hit f***ing sitcom? You call that winning?
“And you think you’re f***ing winning going from a hit show to a f***ing cooking show tossing a f***ing salad?”
“I’m sick of watching the Charlie f***ing Sheen show.”
Clay ended his angry explosion telling Sheen, “You’re not a rock star, you’re not a comic. You’re the biggest f***ing loser in the world as far as I’m concerned, okay? Go get the help you f***ing need.”

In fairness, Charlie Sheen has sold out Radio City Music Hall – twice, while Andrew Dice Clay is doing whatever it is that Andrew Dice Clay even does these days. (Pirate porn? I’m going with pirate porn.) That said, Charlie actually has to show up to these things and entertain a live audience which no one seems to be concerned about. Go back and watch the first episode of Sheen’s Korner, and then imagine that in front of a packed theater. Or even better, imagine your mom and dad who love Two and a Half Men but can’t get online without a Sherpa buying tickets and getting to experience the real Charlie Sheen. “There was all this talk of tiger blood, your father and I just didn’t get it. The couple next to us had to be carted out on a stretcher when he brought out a prostitute. A prostitute! He should go back to that nice show with the little boy. That was good clean fun.”

Photos: Splash News