Let the Tiger Woods Whore Parade Begin!

December 1st, 2009 // 66 Comments

And now for the inevitable barrage of strippers trying to score their own reality show by saying they blew Tiger Woods. TMZ reports:

The woman — Jaime Grubbs, claims she met Tiger in Las Vegas in April, 2007. The woman — a cocktail waitress who was 21 at the time — began what she says was a long-running affair with Tiger.
According to Us Weekly, Grubbs has more than 300 text messages from Tiger — who married Elin Nordegren in 2004.
The magazine, which comes out tomorrow, claims Grubbs had 20 sexual encounters with Tiger. Us Weekly has photos, racy texts from Tiger, as well as a voicemail from November 24, in which Tiger suggests his wife might be on to the alleged affair.

There are exactly two reasons why I don’t buy this chick’s story:

1. She was on VH1′s Tool Academy, so honestly, I don’t know why I’m not stopping here.

2. If Jesus Christ used his wizard powers to win the Powerball for a month straight, Tiger Woods would still have more money. Which means if he was going to cheat on his wife, his mistress’ body would be fired into the sun before Tiger even strapped on a jetpack to fly out of the secret cloud mansion he banged her in.

Food for thought.

Photos: VH1
superficial

  1. Jammy

    Useles fame whore number 20,572 who cares about this skank, oh and FIRST!

  2. Al

    First. Now get in the hole.

  3. tokyoastrogirl

    You’re awesome.

  4. Taz

    secret cloud mansion lol!

  5. missywissy

    wow, would have been a fun read, but then ol’ Superficial writer has to throw in a Jesus comment. Grow up dude. Most of us are past this type of humor. Move on. Use your brain and think up a new one. Why not go for the ghusto and pick on Mohammed?

  6. fearsarewishes

    Dear Mr. Woods,

    I have just two words for you:

    Prostitutes.

    Sincerely, fearsarewishes

  7. JiggaJay

    Food for thought but he is only human. Who wouldn’t want to see some medicore looking slut that serves you cocktails gagging on your cock later for free….just sayin

  8. tiger tiger woods yall is so rich. Do they still sell hitmen on amazon?

  9. asdasd

    (raises hand)
    “yes, i’m a fucking home wrecking slut who will do anything for 15 minutes of fame”

  10. Misty Spirit

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  12. JiggaJay

    “Goodbye fried rice, hello fried chicken! I’ve always wanted to say this….Fo Shizzle”

  13. Inmate #2648927

    A hole in one.

    Also, another white chick.

  14. Willie Dixon

    I thought the Jesus comment was hilarious. Don’t be so politically correct and lighten up.

  15. HackSaw

    I’d hit it.

  16. HackSaw

    I’d hit it.

  17. HackSaw

    Twice.

  18. Jim

    Men are dumb. Show us boobies and we forget about jet packs.

    i.e. busted.

    That is all.

  19. Donnie Brassballs

    Meanwhile it is claimed Tiger has no game outside of golf. Maybe his game is to shake a wad of 20s and keep a roll of quarters in his front pant pocket?

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  21. havoc

    Miss Any Given.

    Could be any given whore. In any given club. On any given weekend. In any given city.

    However, that wouldn’t stop me from thowing several ounces of throat yogurt down her gullet while snorting coke off her BFF’s breast implants in the bathroom stall.

    .

    .

  22. lily

    #7 is so right. men think like this. that made me laugh. thanks JiggaJay

  23. ChuckS

    Prostitutes in cheerleader outfits

    Sincerely,

    Charlie Sheen

  24. JiggaJay

    Holy shit havoc. WELL SAID. I AGREE!

  25. dude_on

    There hasn’t been a celebrated whore parade like this since Bill Clinton unveiled a line of usable skanks.

    This is simply another great tale involving the paradox of man. Once provided fame, wealth and grandeur the mere mortal is offered boat loads of hot, trashy wenches and the temptation of their pleasures. Tough call.

  26. xgov

    Tiger, call me, we need to talk.

    Eliot Spitzer

  27. puhleez

    Tiger needs to dump that bitch, his wife I mean, and never get married again. Marriage is not for rich men who can get any lady they desire, any day of the week. He must be crazy or gay to have gotten married.

  28. cc

    I have to admit, I respect the institution of marriage but…if I had the options Tiger and some other famous actors and sports figures do, I’d never take the plunge. I mean seriously for most guys it’s like ‘Geez, I better find a washroom and take a leak.’, for these guys, ‘Geez, I could sure use a blowjob, let me just oblige that skank over there.’ You’d probably never have to masturbate, ever, for the rest of your life. You’d have to start setting challlenges like getting four women to blow you at once just to keep it interesting.

  29. Mal Carne

    Why any guy who is rich and famous would ever get married is beyond me. Really…love? That’s the best you can do? George Clooney has it figured out: bang a chick or two for 8 months then move on. Another packed bus arriving at the depot every day.

  30. Vangogh

    I guess because some skank cricket comes out and says it’s so, it’s true Tiger cheated on his wife? Give me a break.

    The Rachael girl has offered to take a polygraph. She’s admitted to sleeping with other celebs, why would she didn’t with Tiger? And just because these hookers were in pictures with her doesn’t mean she “knows” them. People over hear conversations all the time and misrepresent them.

    The FHP just said the investigation is closed, there is NONE, ZERO, ZIPPY evidence of criminal activity NOR any evidence of domestic abuse from either side. THIS IS THE WAY IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN!

    Unless the voicemails are authentic and provide some sort of evidence that Tiger was banging this chick then I don’t believe a word of it.

    This is all rag magazine bullshit. Not one respectable organization has reported the same stuff as the rags the Enquirer, TMZ and RadarOnline. These places are like a seedy dirty underworld compared to real news orgs who no better than take some fourth hand account of a friend of a friend of a friend of Tigers…..

    All of you can eat crow.

    This story is OVER and by the time January rolls around, will be forgotten!

  31. Michael Lohan

    Tiger, call me. We need to talk.

  32. kenortega

    Although his wife is nothing special, this cunt is at best a blow job in an alleyway/ plaster her whore face with jizzand just slap the 1 dollar bil on that. Why would he continue to have relationships with this skank?

  33. All this means is, Matt Lauer can suck it!

    BTW Vangargles (#30), Nut swing much, or much to much?

  34. Elaine

    There are 2 types of men, the ones who cheat, and the ones who think about cheating. Men who are faithful to their partners, are also known as, doesn’t exist.

    Rich athletes have all kinds of cheat thrown at them every millisecond of the day. To even suppose, that any athlete, has ever been a faithful partner, is to assume that their corneas and testicles do not function. Athletes get married so they can make babies and have someone care for them, while they fuck the hotel receptionist, their nanny, the hairdresser, the makeup artist…

    Until women stand up and start whipping out the golf clubs, things will always be this way…

    Also ladies, when you’re having dinner with a guy you really like it doesn’t hurt to OPENLY scan the room for other hot guys. Men love this, I hear. See how well it works. See average Joe get uncomfortable, start playing with his hair, straining his neck to see what you are looking at, offer to extend the evening, ask if his shirt is o.k, if he should lose weight, openly question if he makes enough money..Look at him and say, “ya sure sure, hey, was that guy on the Italian soccer team?”, while you are craning your body, at said soccer star…try it. Me likey dis a lot.

  35. Me

    How much you want to bet she ends up with her limbs and fingers chopped off in a dumpster, in Vegas?

  36. puhleez

    Pretty much all young ladies will spread when they see a man who is as famous and wealthy as Tiger. This is the only situation in which a man truly has the upper hand in deciding who ends up in bed with him. These women should be grateful they were chosen and use that to their benefit.

  37. Rough'in ain't easy

    So you’re telling me Tiger’s wood is not only an aphrodisiac in the Chinese black market but its been popular between strippers and waitresses for years? Shocking!

  38. Suzie

    I agree with your comment Elaine!!

    I think I am in love with you.

  39. who dat

    Here are two of the text messages (from Tiger to Grubbs) that will be exposed tomorrow:

    “I will wear you out…when was the last time you got (bleeped)?”

    “Send me something very naughty…Go to the bathroom and take (a picture).”

    A warning from Tiger:

    Now Grubbs is claiming that during her affair with Woods his wife became suspicious. According to Grubbs, Woods said, “My wife went through my phone and may be calling you.”

  40. asshole

    Y o Fish, wasn’t Moses the jew wizard with the magick wand? Why not fuck with the jews religion? Always Jesus you like to fuck with, why is that?
    Just sayin’

  41. -PaNTsMaN-

    @5, how ’bout you get over the fairy tale and lighten the fukk up…….. yes, the devil made me say that, you gimp.

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  45. Tiger has no game outside of golf…

  46. Just let the guy play golf

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  48. BMad

    Um Jigga… Mediocre????? This girl is gorgeous.

    Maybe he did cheat.

    But…

    1. How can you not figure it out for two years???? Most people especially in hollywood can figure it out within a couple months at the most.
    2. Fearsare: Prostitutes is one word. I hope you were being sarcastic???

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