And here’s Kirk Cameron again.

February 26th, 2010 // 138 Comments

Because Jesus wouldn’t waste free publicity, Kirk Cameron issued People the following statement regarding the suicide of his Growing Pains co-star Andrew Koenig:

“It is with great sorrow to hear about the final outcome of the search for my old friend Andrew. I hope everyone will be sensitive to the Koenigs and give the family some private time to reflect and to grieve the loss of their beloved son. At a time like this, we all are reminded of the briefness of life and the importance of being ready for our eternal destination. My prayers will continue to be with Andrew’s family.”

Listen, what happened to Andrew Koenig was, no question, tragic for his family. I couldn’t even imagine. But let’s be honest, nobody cared about Boner from Growing Pains until this week and now he’s become an excuse for a bunch of people to pretend they’re hyper-sensitive human beings with their “Oh, I’m hollow inside.”; “My heart skipped a beat” and other fake sympathies. Even worse, you’ve got Kirk Cameron capitalizing on the death of “an old friend” he apparently never talked to just to push the oldest swindle known to man: Claiming to know what happens when you die.

I’m not trying to get on a soapbox here, but what I am trying to say is Hilary Duff needs to blow someone in front of the paparazzi again. I’m not guaranteeing that will help. But, dammit, we have to try.

Photos: WENN
superficial

  1. adam

    LOL FIRST

  2. Truckbutt

    Speaking of sensitive…

    Sounds like someone hurt the writers feelings.

  3. Dear Superficial Writer:

    I think enough people have made it pretty clear that you’re not in the same league as the past one. You’re just not as witty.

    I do, however, agree with everything you said in this post; most definitely what you said after Kirk Cameron’s quote. What you wrote there was actually very good.

    Kirk Cameron: Please go away, and stop using Andrew Koenig’s death to get your face back out there. Hillary Duff, please don’t do what The Superficial writer’s asked because the mind picture I got when I read that turned my stomach.

    May I suggest instead Marilyn Manson doing a striptease to Sheila E’s Glamorous Life instead?

  4. I printed out that photo of Andrew Koenig with his hair long, slapped my cock to attention and blew a tribute load all over his face.

    That was the best nut I rubbed out all week.

    Later,

    Mitch

  5. HLM

    Actual quote from Kirk Cameron:

    “Wheeeee! I’m relevant again!!!”

  6. Crusty

    The Superficial writer submits a post to supposedly wail against Kirk Cameron’s sanctimonious press release but what the writer is really doing is working to soften the criticism inspired by his previous appallingly insensitive offering regarding the death of Andrew Koenig.

    Somewhere in there is an apology. On behalf of your readers, I accept.

  7. SLAP CHOP

    KIRK CAMERON JUST GOT SLAP CHOPPED.

    Leave it to a foaming-at-the-mouth bible-thumping has-been fundamentalist retard like Kirk Cameron to use a man’s sad suicide to promote his agenda (and probably his idiotic “Way of the Master” web site too). No one exploits the dead quite like a Christian, after all.

    Kirk and his buddy Ray are such experts on things. Their commentary on the source of bananas really shows that they must know what they’re talking about right? Maybe next turn of the wheel Kirk and Ray will be re-incarnated as gorillas.

  8. JR

    “May I suggest instead Marilyn Manson doing a striptease to Sheila E’s Glamorous Life instead?”

    No, you may not. That mental picture was like rolling my brain in broken glass.

  9. morally superior uber-monkey

    there is a difference between mockery and indifference, and that seems to be the issue you dumbfuck blog writer in the glass house

    how many people die every day? 250k? yeh nobody can care THAT MUCH.. nobody is going to weep for every one of those and all the people that cared for them

    but its one thing to see a grave and look away, and its another thing to see a grave and dance all over it – badly

  10. TS

    Kirk Cameron is a tool of biblical proportions.

  11. T.Rex

    Gee, I’d say that People magazine would be the ones contacting Kirk Cameron, since they are the ones that need to make money of off detailing celebrities lives, not the other way around.

    Secondly, I haven’t seen Kirk Cameron on “Dancing with the Stars”, or any other horrific reality shows that pander to the lowest common denominator, so I hardly think he is looking to make a comeback outside of Christian cinema, which the readers of this site are probably not fans of to begin with.

    His statement is simple and understated. He doesn’t presume to have known what was going on with Mr. Koenig, but only references their friendship from when they were on the show. Truthfully, no one knows the exact moment of their death, and what may happen afterwards is something that should be considered.

    Just because people like Tila Tequila and Simon Monjack are such celebrity whores that they exploited their wives/”fiancees” deaths, it doesn’t mean that people can’t exhibit honest grief over the passing of a past friend.

  12. @8: So you can sympathize with the thought of viewing photos of Hillary Duff blowing someone in public; my reaction to that suggestion was not unlike yours to mine. LOL

    A compromise, perhaps? :D

  13. jennyd

    did the wittle writer get his wittle feelings hurt????

    just give up you talentless loser. bring the new writer back in so we can all start liking this website again. how does it feel to know that you’re single-handedly bringing down what used to be one of the funniest blogs out there. thanks alot jerkoff.

  14. There’s a new Superficial Writer? When did this happen?

    Anyway, to be fair – and I know this isn’t the best venue for that – I felt Cameron’s bit about him and Boner together again the other day was stupid, but he’s an earnest guy. It’s possible he felt that Koenig was watching, and maybe he’d get in touch with him or something ham-fisted like that. You can’t say. As for today’s condolences, I really think that was heartfelt, and I think that he showed un-Cameron-like restraint. I mean, the Koenigs are Jewish, and he didn’t start going on about Jesus or whatever. He just basically said “LIfe is short, and stuff like this makes you think, don’t it?” For him, that’s pretty sensative.

  15. Anna

    #3, you are not funny. You are a moron. Please go find some other place to troll your Manson/Sheile E. witty gems. Your fat friend Fred laughed at it because he’s fat and you’re his only friend. Go kill yourself.

    And to the new writer, if there is one: you write well and you’re funny.

  16. Capt. Stiffy

    I love the people who come on here and claim to have any clue who an anonymous writer is.

  17. Ego

    I hope his family does his burial right, and get him a giant penis for a headstone. FTW

  18. Mike Nike

    Hey, normally I’m a total Man Cunt about people on here too. But for this one, you guys should get off your stinky shit boxes and stop badmouthing the Boner. He’s dead. Show some respect you walking cum shots.

  19. He made an off hand remark in keeping with his and the majority of the world’s beliefs(in one form or another) that made no denominational reference whatsoever. What’s the problem?

  20. @15: You calling me a moron is like the pot calling the kettle black. As for killing myself … YOU FIRST, dumbass. I’m sorry you’re not getting any, and I’m sorry that your taste is all in your mouth. But take your anger out on your pathetic, ugly self. Insulting strangers who don’t give a shit about you and your opinions is pathetic. So fuck off, shit for brains.

  21. huh?

    Classic.

  22. BibleThumper

    “At a time like this, we all are reminded of the briefness of life and the importance of being ready for our eternal destination.”

    I really don’t see how this comment could be considered “capitalizing” on this mans suicide. 

    You’d be wise to give thought to the question of what happens after we die. If the Bible is right most people are in big trouble. 

    Matthew 7:13-14 

     13″Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. 14But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.”

  23. Francis Bacon

    And when the king came in to see the guests, he saw there a man which had not on a wedding garment:

    And he saith unto him, Friend, how camest thou in hither not having a wedding garment? And he was speechless.

    Then said the king to the servants, Bind him hand and foot, and take him away, and cast him into outer darkness, there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth.

    For many are called, but few are chosen.

  24. Mike

    Well from reading the above post I’ve discovered there actually is a new writer. I was wondering if the old one just started becoming less funny, or if there was indeed a change. Looks like the latter. His death is a sad story. I haven’t heard any people say it’s effected them directly, but feeling remorseful over a sad story isn’t strange. Stop being an emotionless elitist and write with some sense of humanity. It’s actually rare to find something funny on this site anymore.

  25. Cristina

    What the fuck is your problem superficial? Kirk didn’t do anything wrong- he gave a sympathetic statement and happens do believe in God. Why are you so angry and hostile? Fuck you, intolerant ahole!

  26. Matt

    I hate to be “that guy”, but this constant flogging of your political/religious views is going to cost you readers. It’s at least as preachy and self-consciously obnoxious as the very things you criticize – at least Cameron knew the guy, you’re just using the situation to beat your own hobbyhorses to death.

  27. Off-base

    Wow, Kirk Cameron’s statement couldn’t have been LESS sancitmonious if he’d tried. Especially since it’s pretty well-known that he has such great faith in God and in Christianity in general. There are freaky Bible thumpers who judge people left and right for things a small as not holding a door for someone and there are genuinely kind-hearted people who simply believe in God. (for shame) What do we say about a gossip blogger who has no belief and still feels entitled to judge everyone left and right.

    Godspeed Boner. Sorry this story had such a sad ending.

  28. Name (required):

    LAST BITCHES!

    HAHA! I PWN YOU!

  29. Ryan

    What a smug son of a bitch. I would get real enjoyment if a video of him coked out going on about how much he hates gays and Jews surfaced. If I see one more of his “Christian Hero” type movies at Blockbuster I may cause a scene

  30. BonerTheCoward

    At least Kirk didn’t kill himself.
    Boner was a coward.
    I have no sympathy for cowards.

  31. JR

    As dispicable as everyone says Fish has been about this, I do agree there is some less-than-genuine sympathy getting thrown around. Kirk Cameron hadn’t talked to the guy in nearly 20 years and suddenly he’s issuing public statements on his “friendship”? If at least some part of him wasn’t trying to capitalize on Koenig’s passing, he’d quit flapping his yap and simply offer his condolences to the family.

  32. Matrim

    @ 22> And if any other religion is right, you’re the one in big trouble. Just sayin’.

    @ 30> No, Andrew wasn’t a coward, he was sick. Not everyone can help it when they have a mental illness. And why wouldn’t you have sympathy for cowards? Seems like they’re the one’s that need it.

    @ Fish> You know, I lot of people have been saying they haven’t liked you of late, but my favorite posts of yours have only really been in the last month or two. Keep up the good work.

  33. Fuckbox of Dumb

    @24: Then you’re an even bigger idiot for believing the word of an Internet commenter who knows dick about the innerworkings of a site except for “This post wasn’t as funny as the rest, must be a new writer.”

    Buncha Sherlock Retards around here.

  34. pooter

    I thought this guy had the HI 5. I’m just shocked to hear that Kirk Cameron is still alive.

  35. BonerTheCoward

    Matrim@32 – Mental illness or not (which I doubt) I’m just sick of people not taking responsibility for their own lives. Why should I have sympathy for someone who doesn’t care if they live or die? Maybe if Boner spent five minutes thinking about ANYONE else, he’d still be alive. Suicide is pure selfishness.
    “Oh, life is hard!”
    “Oh, no one understands me!”
    “Help, no one likes me!”
    As far as I’m concerned, the rest of us are better off without Boner and people like him.

  36. superficial writer is a cunt

    The superficial writer is a real asshole anymore.
    He capitalizes on this suicide and then insinuates that others are using this death
    for their own personal gain.
    He’s not funny, not clever, and not talented. Just full of rage.

  37. BonerTheCoward

    Matrim@32 – Oh, yes – Boner was a total coward! And I doubt that he had a mental illness (unless you qualify that suicide is the result of mental illness – which I just don’t agree with.) Why should I have sympathy for someone who doesn’t think about anyone but themselves? Suicide is a cop out and completely selfish.
    “Oh, life is so hard!”
    “Oh, no one likes me!”
    “I think I’ll just kill myself!”
    Good riddance. The rest of us will be much better off without cowards like Boner. I’m sick of people who refuse to take responsibility for their own lives.

  38. BonerTheCoward

    Damn – I double posted thinking I owed Matrim@32 a response and that my original didn’t make it…I’m so depressed…I think I’ll kill myself.

  39. Toolboy

    Kirk is still ticked that tubby Willie Aimes got to be Bibleman and not him.

    Kardashians 68: 1 (you blow me and I’ll owe you one)

    13″Enter through the narrow sphinctor. For wide is the sphinctor and broad is the ass that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. (Clhoe?Kim?)
    14But small is the starfish and narrow the wadcutter that leads to life, and only a few find it.” (Ahhh Kourtney!)

  40. Jen

    damn, the commentators around here are getting tough! what happened to butthole jokes and “fap fap fapping”? SIGH

  41. the ultimate font of knowledge

    #38 its less about the depressed suicidal person, and more about the family and friends that love them and will miss them

    watch out how with how much “balls” you think you have… you might end up living in a wheelchair with no arms, no legs, no motor function and tubes feeding you liquid and draining it out – see what you think about suicide then? eh? MR FUCKING BAD ASS

    its called: you’re stupid

  42. Daniel Miller

    How faggoty, I mean inciteful your comments are regarding Cameron.

    I don’t lump sperm-garglers such as yourself together. Why lump Christians together. Gare-ROn-tee you don’t have the stones to talk smack to Moslems like that.

    Yeah, Christians exploit the dead like the abortion, stem cell, death panel industries do.

    Another Gare-ROn-tee: Kirk Cameron’s site and TV shows get 40X the eyeballs you tards do.

    Seth MacFarlane should have died on 9/11 as well!

  43. Katie McClenny

    Superficial Writer:

    Couple things I want to say.

    1.) MOST IMPORTANTLY…Your statement “let’s face it, nobody cared about Boner until this week”…is WRONG. This man had friends, family, etc that cared VERY DEEPLY for him. Sooo, in my opinion, you might want to re-think this post. EVERYONE has someone that cares about them. Except, possibly you.

    2.) Whoever posted that you are not as witty as the previous writer is ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. You not even witty, at all. No wonder the sight had become so boring. I used used to laugh hysterically when I read items posted on this sight, now I just yawn.

    So, to sum it for you, I don’t care for your jokes OR your opinions. Doesn’t look like I’ll be visiting this sight again anytime soon.

  44. Corbett

    I gotta ask, since when the fuck has everybody decided it’s “okay” to be anti-christian? I’m an athiest, but isn’t the entirety of our nation founded upon the belief that people should be free to believe in their own religions? Yes, Kirk Cameron has made every effort to be outspoken on the subject of a former co-star’s death, but aside from being a terrible actor, can anyone actually point out anything Cameron has done against his faith?

    It’s really disheartening to me that someone’s death can “only be tragic” when they’re either a friend/family-member, or extremely famous. What heartless bastards we must all be, then, if it’s “okay” for people to commit suicide, just because they aren’t famous or related to you.

  45. stereotypical

    So what if someone’s a christian? That doesn’t make them a close minded, bigotted, bible-thumping, drooling idiot. You hate God? fine.. what’s that to me? Everyone is accountable to God alone, even if they don’t believe He exists. And everyone is free to hold their own opinions. They’re like assholes, you know. Everybody has one.

  46. BonerTheCoward

    @41 – Interesting thought. Hmmm, not sure how I’ll cope if I get to live in a wheelchair like Stephen Hawking…but I sure won’t kill myself. Look, I see my buddies coming back from Iraq with their legs blown off and they certainly aren’t thinking about suicide. It’s all about perspective. Life can always be worse, so we should all be happy with what we have when we have it, that’s all. Suicide is always the easy way out and I stand by my comments. Boner didn’t even KNOW pain…he just felt sorry for himself, the Loser.

  47. Volcanoes

    TheSuperficial,

    You are obviously frustrated with your readers’ negative reactions to your previous Andrew Koenig joke. Please don’t project that frustration onto Kirk Cameron for wanting to give his condolences. Just because Kirk didn’t keep in touch with the Bone doesn’t mean that their past relationship was meaningless and insignificant.

    Just admit that you were wrong and stop trying to rationalize your mistake.

    Thanks!

  48. morally superior uber-monkey

    you’ve got some fun times ahead #46, good luck with that

  49. lol

    i don’t think it’s a matter of if people cared for his acting… it’s an understanding that things like this deserve sensitivity and understanding rather than an opportunity to get some crude laughs.

    not understanding this makes you sound very young, there’s nothing wrong with that, but your comments lack merit and aren’t respectable.

    I think some people have experienced loss on a great scale and have sympathy for others that have also experienced such loss.

    a friend of mine had a dad who was shot in the back… he died… i didn’t know him, but obviously i wouldn’t use it as an opportunity to make a joke out of… it seems like common sense to me…

  50. BonerTheCoward

    Uber-Monkey@48 – Thanks! Everyday above ground is a great day…I’m just sayin. It’s all about mental toughness – the physical aspect of life is fleeting anyway. If I’m ever in a wheelchair, I’m going to be the happiest MF who ever rode in a wheelchair! Appreciate the thought, however.

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