And ‘Two and a Half Men’ is Canceled

February 24th, 2011 // 118 Comments
Charlie Sheen Brooke Mueller

“Guess which one of us ain’t on the party plane. SHEEN-SASSIN’D.

Before we delve into Part Two of “Charlie Sheen Remembered Coke’s His Oxygen Again,” here’s a quick update on why Brooke Mueller was suspiciously missing from his in-flight interview with Alex Jones: Charlie kicked her off the plane. Whether that means literally or they actually landed and dropped her off at an airport is virtually a coin toss at this point. RadarOnline reports:

“There was a whole firestorm yesterday about Brooke being part of our crew and let me just say this, this is all I’m going to say about it. where there were four there are now three,” Sheen said. “Goodbye Brooke. Good luck in your travels. You’re going to need it badly.”
Alex Jones then asked: “So Brooke did go alone with you but she’s not there now?”
Sheen: “No she’s not here now. And we are. I don’t know winning anyone. Rhymes with winning. Yeah that would be us. Sorry, didn’t make the rules.”

“Ginning?” Are they drinking gin? I don’t get it. Anyway, Charlie decided to follow up his drug-addicted manifesto to Alex Jones with a call to TMZ where he proceeded to challenge Two and a Half men creator Chuck Lorre to a fight “in the Octagon”:

“If he wins, then he can leave MY show!”
Charlie said, “I violently hate Chaim Levine (Chuck Lorre). He’s a stupid, stupid little man and a p**sy punk that I’d never want to be like.” Charlie adds, “That’s me being polite.”
“All these guys told me to ‘clean it up.’ Well this is me cleaning it the f**k up. … That piece of s**t [Lorre] took money out of my pocket, my family’s pocket, and, most importantly, my second family — my crew’s pocket.”
Charlie adds, “You can tell him [Lorre] one thing. I own him.”

Wow, that’s not at all the egomaniacal rantings of a man who just told a porn star at gun point to pour coke directly into his eyes. He sounds entirely sober. But on a realistic note, explain to me – in people logic – how pulling the show off the air puts money into his “family’s” pockets because that’s exactly what Charlie Sheen just did. And if it isn’t, then he truly is Jesus Christ and maybe all that talk of Him knocking up a hooker wasn’t so crazy after all. It’s a good day to be Dan Brown.

UPDATE: And here’s the official CBS statement:

Based on the totality of Charlie Sheen’s statements, conduct and condition, CBS and Warner Bros. Television have decided to discontinue production of “Two and a Half Men” for the remainder of the season.”

Photo: Getty

superficial

  1. Cock Dr

    He used to be a beautiful talented actor.
    Now he’s a joke & is likely to do violence to those unlucky enough to be around when he starts coming down.
    At least keep the kids away from him. Could the dumb exs do just that one thing right in this entire trainwreck?

    • ABMan

      Charlie? Is that you?

    • BradsPitHair

      The hatez be hatin haha. Even with all his faults, he’s a real man and tells it like it is, dont give a shite what da haters think. Not like the sneaky little suckass Levine bitch. Fuckin CS is THE MAN. Balls, man. BALLS.

    • BradsPitHair

      The thiev’n bitch hid his $150 fucking K watch in her cooch, she’s lucky all he tore apart was her dumb beat-ass purse. Fuck.

  2. Lydia

    None of that incoherent rambling made any bit of damn sense… Could someone tell me what the fuck he’s talking about? Wait, nevermind… I don’t give enough of a shit.

  3. Sweet Pee

    Wow, just wow. I feel sorry for Duckie and the crew…….

  4. Glassman

    Getting sober is not gonna fix this guys problems. A lobotomy? Maybe.

    • he’ll burn out soon enuf and end up like ozzy. too bad he aint in a band

    • Deacon Jones

      Dude, this guy’s heart is probably the size of a horse’s, literally.

      Cocaine is a helluva drug, but man, it fucks you up. When you go on benders for days, repeatedly, the heart is pumping so hard it fucking doubles in size.

      He’ll have a heart attack in 3, maybe 4 months at this pace. I’ve fucking seen it.
      Mark my words.

  5. Anonymouse

    Oh wow, what a blessing.

    Two and a half men is just awful! Not in the least bit funny. :)

  6. Somehow I can hear him saying “I’m Charlie Sheen bitch!”

  7. it’s obvious this man is jesus…

    • Richard McBeef

      When the End of Days comes and Charlie reveals himself as the Saviour, the Believers among us will shoot skyward into the Bulbous Genitals of the Heavens, leaving behind a sparkling trail of Peruvian Yey shimmering across the Southern California sky.

    • s'up bitches

      I wish Charlie would preach like his prior incarnation, Jesus. Only, this time, instead of wine and fish and bread, our lord and savior charlie will clone unlimited quantities of cocaine, Jack Daniels, and orange barrel acid for his followers to consume. Charlie our Lord.

  8. Richard McBeef

    Seriously though, this guy gets more awesome by each passing minute.

  9. Disko

    Seriously hilarious.. I simply cannot hate this guy! Who can hate a person who wants to fight in an octagon to settle a profesional issue? you just can’t!! I love this guy.

  10. Pill

    Chuck Lorre is a godawful person to work with and his fans are snide creeps who support his awful, overrated comedy. I challenge you to read any interview with him and not find him an arrogant, spoiled man-child who believes he’s god’s gift to comedy.

    So, yeah it’s no wonder he and Sheen got along for so long before their Christian Bale/ David O. Russel personalities exploded.

  11. Keith Richards

    That guy is messed up!

  12. Ruth

    THANK GOD.

  13. Randal(l)

    Charlie Sheen is the man I wish I could be.The only way he could be any greater was if it turned out he was Batman.

    • Aussie Mama

      Randal, every man wishes he lived 1 day as Sheen! As a chic, I’d love to be his hooker for a day too. What a treat that would be!!!

  14. GeneralEmergency

    Please God….
    Please let Charlie meet and fall in love with Lindsay Lohan with a marriage happening immediately.

    If the Universe does implode when the final “I do” is said, then I know it will keep expanding forever in peace and harmony.

  15. Charlie Sheen can do anything he puts his coke to.

  16. The SHEEN > You

    AMEN! All these HATERS are just JEALOUS and ENVIOUS of the SHEEN! They are simply JEALOUS that he is a high functioning addict and a millionaire and they are NEITHER. They ENVY the Sheen’s lifestyle because they wish to emulate it but can’t because the Sheen is a winner and the HATERS are NOTHING but LOSERS. If these HATERS tried to live the Sheen’s lifestyle they’d be DEAD because that’s what happens to weak, pathetic, losers like them.

    That’s why they hate on him so much, because he is simply BETTER than them in all ways, everything from finances to genetics.

    PURE JEALOUSY!

    • mupps

      Actually it just sad, he has all the money he’d ever need, and he is pissing all of everything he has worked for away in some weird spiral into a fireball of self destruction….Jealousy has nothing to do with it for me, it’s just sad for him or any person.

    • Obvious troll is obvious.

      • Happy Spillmore

        1997 called, it wants its euphemisms back…as well as its stupid kitty pics and de motivational posters.

        Now apply your lack of originality to packing them all up and sending them back…as well as the bag of turds you reply to as your “sense of humor”.

    • BradsPitHair

      Fuck yes! And he tells it like it is and lives it like it is, a REAL MAN, no whimpy ass kissin apologies. Stand the fuck back hatez heh heh heh…

  17. bitingontinfoil

    couldn’t have happened to a nicer guy. This douchebag makes *ooops* MADE $2 mill AN EPISODE!? THEN, he dares bite the hand that fed him? LMAO! Wonder if he ever followed thought on that offer of paying 1/2 the workers’ salary for the time missed because of his uber-douchebaggery?

    • babooda

      Maybe Charlie and Megan Fox should get the same agent……they have the same approach to their career…….talk shit about the people who gave them the job! Then get upset because the people with the checkbooks decide not to continue to pay them.

  18. Positives:
    -Opens space for Ed O’Neill to finally get his Emmy
    -Charlie enters the ‘Downey Jr. Zone’ and emerges as the greatest living actor of our time
    -My parents will no longer tell me “I’m missing out” on that show

    Negatives:
    -My parents will tell me I’m missing out on The Big Bang Theory

  19. LoL, yeah sure. The creator doesn’t have anywhere near the power to pull anything show related, that’s up to the network. As long as Two keeps pulling in the ratings it has been week after week, they have no choice but to keep it on the air, and Sheen knows it. It’s been a bad couple of years for network TV, and CBS can’t afford to kill off their golden goose.

  20. bitingontinfoil

    Deathpool….?

  21. Many of you missed the joke…the show isn’t LITERALLY cancelled…Fish was making a joke about Charlie badmouthing the show executive producer…and what the predictable results might be.

  22. LIly

    Charlie just keeps getting better.

  23. NattyB

    If cocaine could call into a radio show, it would sound just like Charlie Sheen.

  24. Eric

    Who will be the cargo shorts and bowling shirt icon now?

  25. Mr Obvious

    For $2 million an episode, I’ll let Chuck Lorre do just about anything.

    You can’t complain about your work environment if you’re making that kind of money, banging porn stars, and Mt. Cokeverest.

  26. ABMan

    I can’t believe Charlie isn’t writing for a comedy, pure gold.

  27. Well, shit… what are my parents going to watch on TV now? Mind you, they only ever really say, “That fat kid is so funny!”, so maybe if he gets his own spinoff (“Half a man”, perhaps?) things won’t be all bad for them. They’re the real victims in all this.

    • Cock Dr

      You should turn them on to MTV. I hear they offer some outstanding programs.

    • babooda

      Truthfully, I think the “fat kid” is probably the only man on the show! Charlie is a burnt-out husk of humanity and then you have, Jon Cryer, who is a one joke comedic act.
      His character on “TAAHM” and as the father of Hannah Montana’s friend “Lily” are the same character according to my nephew…both of them confused, incompetents. This is the only character in Jon Cryer’s bag of tricks, so why bother!

  28. BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Oh, my…

    While I feel sorry for the other folks on the show, I love seeing Charlie Sheen’s bluster biting him in the ass.

  29. Colin

    I think the solution to their problem is just to videotape Charlie on one of his coke and labia binges and then put it in the show right before killing off the character. The irony would be hilarious.

  30. ghost

    Charlie Sheen had it all. And now it’s over. That show won’t be coming back.

  31. Pete

    Good news! Google just came out with a beta of a Charlie Sheen translation engine. Here’s what he’s really saying:

    History reveals that Muammar Gaddafi is a fighter! He follows liberation, glory, revolution. This is an admission by the superpowers that Muammar Gaddafi is not a president and he’s not a normal person so that we can poison him or we can hold demonstrations to bring him down. Muammar Gaddafi is the glory! If I had a position, if I was the president, I would have resigned. I would have thrown my resignation in your face. But I have no position, no post; I have nowhere to resign from. I have my gun; I have my rifle, to fight for Libya!

  32. “For the remainder of the season”? FOR THE REMAINDER OF THE SEASON???!!! Really? The only tough love this guy is getting will be payed for by the hour.

  33. Jerry Garcia's Ghost

    Man , That guy is just too high !

  34. lachica

    my personal belief is that Charlie wants off this show. that’s been his entire agenda.

  35. Bucky Barnes

    “Raise the drawbridge!” cried the flea floating down the river on his back with a hard-on…
    Charlie is the new definition of ‘hubris.’

  36. Die Little Pony

    * cancelled :p

  37. Nate

    NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO… uh, uh, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

  38. Cap'n Crunch

    CAN’T BELIEVE IT HAD TO COME TO ALL THIS TO GET THIS FUCKING LAME-ASS SHOW CANCELED.

  39. DS

    Sorry, but that doesn’t mean the show is cancelled. I like how they specifically stated that the show is discontinuing production “for the remainder of the season”; it doesn’t say that they have cancelled the show. If CBS can squeeze another season of out the man they will try because the ratings would probably be big.

    • IA

      Charlie Sheen is still under contract and still getting paid. CBS retains the rights to continue the show. I imagine they are waiting to see if cooler heads prevail once everything settles down and once Charlie sobers up.

  40. me

    he rejected the Porn-scenes.

  41. laughing my ass off

    He’s turning into a complete whack job, but still you gotta love him. I actually like his show a lot and hope he’ll keep making it.

  42. Ace of Base

    Charlie was right. Levine is a useless worthless scum-sucking hack, a contaminated maggot, a vile clinging tapeworm. CBS should dump Levine and get back to business.

  43. Charlie Sheen Brooke Mueller
    Commented on this photo:

    Charlie Sheen should really be careful. I hear the original Darrin from “Bewitched” got fired for a similar tirade.

  44. Oz Matters

    He really needs professional help to calm down – maybe Michael Jackson’s Doctor?

  45. LEB

    Good, I’m tired of asses like this doing whatever the hell they want and facing no consequences just because they’re famous and have money. It’s about freaking time this guy goes away.

  46. The Most Interesting

    “Chaim Levine, you’re a fake.
    Much Hate,
    Carlos Estevez.”

    • bitingontinfoil

      Thumbs up. I believe his reference to “Chaim Levine” was a blatant slap at him (Lorre) being a jooooooo.

  47. Ryan

    It’s not canceled yet, just production on the remainder of this season has been shut down.

  48. Rough part the internet. Yes, like the red sea

    Oh I see, so everyone is mad at the guy who believes 9/11 was an inside job? Don’t we have a special place in our hearts for people like this? Bring back the show ya delicate fucks…..

  49. Aussie Mama

    Now that’s ridiculous!
    The guy has always been the way he is, nothing new here at all.
    Why all of a sudden a big deal. Hell even his character is him!
    I love Charle, I love that he is who he is and he doesn’t give a fuck and I love how he always speaks the truth.
    Two and a half men was frickin’ awesome.
    Huuuuuge pity x

    • akewlazzmom

      What did he do? He pissed off a Jewish producer in Hollywood. Now he’ll have Ari after him as well. :/

Leave A Comment