And Then The Rich Guy Lindsay Lohan Robbed Fell In Love With Her. The End.

Like most people, I just assumed Lindsay Lohan would duck any and all charges for stealing $100,000 worth of jewelry and necklaces because that’s how these things always end and this time was no exception. But what I didn’t see coming was it’s because the guy she robbed professed his love for her, ceded her all his worldly possessions and then lied to the police. No, really. TMZ reports:

We’ve learned text messages were sent between Lindsay and Sam over the last few days, and he says “I officially told Detective Rodriguez you can’t take anything from me cause what’s mine is yours.”
Sam also told Lindsay he told cops the culprits were men.
It’s also apparent Sam is obsessed with Lindsay, telling her he loves her and, “I will fight for you.”

So Lindsay Lohan really can blow a man so hard he’ll literally lose his mind. All this time, I thought it was just a myth, an urban legend, something to spook rival coke dealers with.