An Open Letter To Whoever’s In Charge of Britney Spears’ Medication

April 25th, 2013 // 43 Comments

Dear Sir/Madam/Rube Goldberg Device,

Whatever amount of Britney Spears‘ medicine you recently started dispensing, not dispensing, making look like Skittles; keep doing it. For the first time in a long time, I’m actually looking at an attractive woman who I’m willing to believe knows what day of the week it is. Even if she pronounces it “Bursday.”

- The Superficial

UPDATE: I’m being told this is entirely the difference a decent bra can make. Right, sure it is. *realizes I’m naked holding a copy of Baby, One More Time* These things will enslave us all. To the caves!

Photos: FameFlynet

superficial

  1. I hope all the kids are looking up “Rube Goldberg Device” on the Google, because that’s a cultural reference everyone should know, and I fear it’s falling by the wayside.

    Speaking of, do they still make that Mouse Trap game? Oh, that was a good game. I remember when you could get a Hershey Bar for a quarter!

    – TomFrank, 42

    • Remember Saturday morning cartoons where they would beat the shit out of each other with weapons?

      And we used to go outside to play and get dirty and bruised and cut and we weren’t a bunch of pussies.

      Those were the days.

      SparkyMcgee, 41

    • grobpilot

      Powerhouse bar for a nickel at 7-11 in 1969

    • Oh man, my engineer dad could totally come up with some primo Rube Goldberg Variations – the best was his hooking up an air conditioner through the screen panel of our 6′ tall sliding glass patio doors (anything to keep from cutting a hole in the side of the house or God forbid, getting central air from Sears).

      And yes, they still make Mouse Trap, but I’m not sure it’s the same challenging version we grew up with. When we weren’t all being forced to live in the middle of the road in a shoebox, that is.

    • They had that game when I was I kid, grandpa.

      I bet Family Guy references Rube Goldberg somewhere, so the kids probably think it’s a Seth MacFarlane invention.

      McBeef, 34

    • Well, this is sad…

      – Montana, 43

      • I absolutely remember the Visible Man and how badly I fucked mine up. Also, the Visible V-8, which I likewise fucked up (manual dexterity wasn’t one of my long suits) . I remember “FLESH”-colored crayons, I remember me and a buddy going to Safeway and getting pints of ice cream for 16¢, and I remember when Hershey Bars were a nickel and bottles of Coke were a dime.

        — vitobonespur, 64

    • Schweddy Snatch

      Man, this is killing me! Remember penny candy, candy cigarettes, Big Macs that were huge and came in a cardboard box, roller skates with metal wheels and blatantly racist television (Sanford and Son, All in the Family, The Jeffersons, Fat Albert, etc.)? Remember being able to prank call someone without fear of being found out? Hell, I grew up poor and I remember the wonder of getting our first color television. Isn’t middle-age grand?

      Schweddy Snatch, 40

  2. Sarah

    It’s also the difference letting someone else do your makeup because you have the artistic skills of meth addict.

  3. Does no one wonder what happened to this woman? She used to be able to look people in the eye and form a sentence.

    • Guest

      IMO, I think she took too much coke and/or meth. Her judge said she was a habitual abuser of drugs and alcohol, and i think that is why her parents are so much in control of her cash. If she can’t pay for drugs, she can’t use them. All of her dancers in her tours and videos have to sign a contract saying they won’t use drugs or alcohol OR give them to Brit. That being said, sometimes those with mental illness self medicate.

  4. Medicated Brittney is boring Brittney.

  5. Yep. She’s starting to look like a normal person again. Even attractive I would say.

  6. Britney Spears Hotter Better Looking Boobs
    PJ Bandit
    Commented on this photo:

    3 years of special forces: Fearless
    5 years of guarding the president: Selfless
    Carrying the paper bag of a celeb who thinks it’s a Louis Vuitton bag: Shameless

  7. Britney Spears Hotter Better Looking Boobs
    blah
    Commented on this photo:

    it’s because she’s coming straight from a live video chat with will.i.am. someone else did her hair, wardrobe and make up (as they should, always)

  8. lawn

    Correct on the bra comment. Nearly every time you think, “Wow, what a great pair of jugs” you really should be thinking “Wow, what a well-fitting bra.” The proper titbag can make anything look good.

  9. Women lose a certain amount of brain mass during pregnancy. It can take several years for them to recover. Depending on how tenous their grasp on rationality was in the first place, this can cause various symptoms. It’s why we have marriage… so men won’t leave the daffy bitch during these crucial I-am-an-alien-quisling-in-the-body-of-your-former-wife years.

    • You know, if you’re going to misinterpret half-assed studies, you should really go big or go home – c’mon, claim that rape triggers a woman’s spermicidal juices so they can’t get pregnant or something like that.

      What you’re referring to was a study (and I use the term very loosely) done by Anita Holdcroft, an obstetric anesthetist in a British post-grad program, which was comprised of a grand total of ten – that’s right, ten – women. It indicated that brain volume increased in the 6 months post partum, the implication being that the brain was returning to its normal (non-pregnant) size (FYI, said brain was never measured pre-pregnancy). Holdcroft did get around to mentioning that that the decrease was limited to the volume of the brain cells, not the actual number of cells themselves, and that this change could be due to there being less water in the cells, perhaps because of the increased nutritional requirement of having to feed and hydrate both the mother and fetus.

    • Just how many illegitimate children do you have? Damn you’re hard on pregnant women!

  10. She is starting to look like the Britney that I used to masturbate too.

  11. Jenn

    I think is a sweet girl, but a bit dim. She’s looking better though. I’m glad she’s believing in bras again.

  12. Karen

    She, and not GP should be on the cover of that stupid rag mag as the “Most Beautiful Women In the World.”

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