Amy Winehouse thought to have tuberculosis (Neat.)

Doctors believed Amy Winehouse was suffering from tuberculosis after she fainted in her home on Monday, but it turns out she’s just got a really bad chest infection and also an irregular heartbeat. Hmm, I wonder what could’ve caused these things. If only there was some clear cut, bright as day answer to why Amy Winehouse’s body is a walking unwrapped mummy of disease… Puzzling. The Daily Mail reports:

A close friend said: “Doctors are still struggling to control her heartbeat but the chest condition has been really worrying them. She’d been suffering horrible coughing fits and hurling up blood for a while but refused to be examined. Doctors are doing more tests to be certain. The last thing she needs is to be wheeled on stage. She needs a rest.”

This just in: Doctors have removed a Colombian drug mule from Amy’s left ventricle. How the donkey got in there will baffle the field of medicine for years to come. Until they figure out she uses really, really big drug needles. I’m talking these things have wheels, driver’s seat and passenger side airbags. Did I mention a DVD player for the kids? That too. Lease now for an affordable APR you won’t want to miss.*

*Subject to credit approval. Bring a tourniquet.