Amy Winehouse redefines ‘sexy’

November 11th, 2008 // 126 Comments
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Amy Winehouse held court with the paparazzi outside her house this morning and, aw shit, he’s flatlined. I knew it. Excuse me while I snap my penis out of cardiac arrest:

“Live, dammit! LIVE! No, not like this…. Not like this…. Fight, damn you! Jessica Simpson is just one straight-to-DVD bomb away from doing porn. DON’T YOU DIE ON ME! *sniff* You complete me.”

Photos: Splash News
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Comments (126)

  1. Jimbo | November 11, 2008 at 3:48 pm

    FIRST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Reply
  2. verga | November 11, 2008 at 3:48 pm

    first assholes!

    Reply
  3. Andrew | November 11, 2008 at 3:49 pm

    haha first holy shit for brains i have to go jack off right now

    Reply
  4. Jimbo | November 11, 2008 at 3:49 pm

    FIRST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Reply
  5. Jimbo | November 11, 2008 at 3:50 pm

    FRIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Reply
  6. Sport | November 11, 2008 at 3:50 pm

    Wow. Just. Wow.

    Reply
  7. tara | November 11, 2008 at 3:51 pm

    WTF is that rash on her ta-ta’s and distended belly?
    Scabies, it looks like.
    4th

    Reply
  8. cooter | November 11, 2008 at 3:53 pm

    “First” comments should be followed up with a kick to the nuts or a slap in the fucking mouth. Nice job dumb ass!

    Reply
  9. havoc | November 11, 2008 at 3:54 pm

    Dude, stop with the Amy pics.

    Seriously. So many hot chicks out there and you post this corpse?

    Whew….

    .

    Reply
  10. Matthew | November 11, 2008 at 3:56 pm

    that’s disgutsting and besides when is her 15 mins are up?

    Reply
  11. Rough Daddy | November 11, 2008 at 3:56 pm

    Id rather stick rough Jr in a hole full of red ants!!!

    Reply
  12. Tired | November 11, 2008 at 3:57 pm

    The only uglier woman might be Sandra Bernhard …. what a waste of internet space in either woman’s (and I use THAT term loosely) case.

    Reply
  13. desi | November 11, 2008 at 3:58 pm

    But guys…….

    HER BEEHIVE IS GONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    C’mon, does she not look a million times better without that ridiculous hair?

    Reply
  14. Randal | November 11, 2008 at 3:59 pm

    It’s amazing the style that Amy has found since releasing her U.S. debut Back to Black album, which has defined her own tradition. With a deeply personal touch, Amy commands settings that meld torchy doo-wop era ballads, soul and girl-group slammers, and current hip-hop winners.

    A style that will certainly define her next album and chart climbing singles.

    Randal

    Reply
  15. Richard McBeef | November 11, 2008 at 4:05 pm

    So she isn’t dead yet and neither is Randal. Fuck you god.

    Reply
  16. Grossed-out | November 11, 2008 at 4:06 pm

    I’d file my whoo-ha off with a rusty cheese grater before I’d touch that skank!

    Reply
  17. p0nk | November 11, 2008 at 4:08 pm

    Like amy, i’ve always thought those hospital bracelets made such a great fashion statement.

    Reply
  18. the superfish latents | November 11, 2008 at 4:08 pm

    I want to put my face in Amy’s buttcrack and wait for her IBS bloat to burst.

    Reply
  19. The Beer Baron | November 11, 2008 at 4:10 pm

    Is that Harpo Marx with a black wig on?

    Reply
  20. Sgt. C. Foxtrot | November 11, 2008 at 4:12 pm

    I just puked in my mouth.

    Reply
  21. Kahlee | November 11, 2008 at 4:13 pm

    Drugs have ruined her. She used to be ok looking, like yeah she had a big nose but she looked nice when she was all made up. Now she just looks terrifying. so sad.

    Reply
  22. Jimbo | November 11, 2008 at 4:13 pm

    Damn she is hOT!!

    Reply
  23. Stephanie | November 11, 2008 at 4:14 pm

    this is hilarious. keep it up

    Reply
  24. ChuckleHead | November 11, 2008 at 4:18 pm

    I love cheese toast.

    Reply
  25. Zee Brat | November 11, 2008 at 4:18 pm

    The one of here biting into the toast should really be the top photo.

    Reply
  26. Vero | November 11, 2008 at 4:26 pm

    Look at her toes on the first pic!

    Reply
  27. Jjajoa | November 11, 2008 at 4:29 pm

    Awww, slow news day for the paparazzi? No starlets showing off their privates? Hell, why not ring Amy Winehouse’s doorbell and see if you can score some cheap shots (hahaha! shots! get it? like, drugs!)
    Awesome.

    Reply
  28. Bob | November 11, 2008 at 4:36 pm

    Very funny quip as always, but you know the sad thing is that she has more talent, and will bring more happiness to world than you and I combined.

    Reply
  29. Ella | November 11, 2008 at 4:38 pm

    Yup.. I’m mentally ill now.

    In some of the shots (to me), she doesn’t look THAT BAD considering what she’s been through.

    Reply
  30. Hannah | November 11, 2008 at 4:40 pm

    Is she showing off her hospital bracelets?

    Reply
  31. veggi | November 11, 2008 at 4:46 pm

    Don’t you just wanna take a switch blade and slice her stomach open?

    Reply
  32. That Bastard Tony | November 11, 2008 at 4:46 pm

    Gaddam son. This is the kind of shit you show to teenage boys to get them to wait until marriage to have sex… or to put off having sex altogether.

    On another note, I don’t think you want to see Jessica Simpson doing porn. Celebs would make lousy porn stars (proven with every celeb sex tape out there except for Kim K) and I’m pretty sure Jessica would sleep walk thru all of her scenes.

    Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to spray myself in both eyes with Lysol.

    Reply
  33. Danklin24 | November 11, 2008 at 4:47 pm

    Rofl @ 19. Im pretty sure i just threw up in my mouth. No wait, now its everywhere. Jesus, i like her better in all her scaryass makeup. This chick(if you can call her that) will be dead in 2 years.

    Reply
  34. anjhest | November 11, 2008 at 4:58 pm

    wow. next to this, madonna is helen of troy.

    Reply
  35. Hugh Macpherson | November 11, 2008 at 5:02 pm

    can you please fix your fucking RSS so that the images show – huh?

    Reply
  36. mrs.t | November 11, 2008 at 5:05 pm

    Most surprising to me is that she’s scabby, dirty, scratched-up and certainly crazed….and yet her eyebrows are always neatly waxed. How come whoever’s taking care of the brows can’t help out with some other, more pressing shit?

    Reply
  37. Courtney | November 11, 2008 at 5:06 pm

    Yep, def just threw up everywhere.

    Reply
  38. TooMuchFreeTime | November 11, 2008 at 5:11 pm

    Ok seriously I don’t care if she is sometimes a half decent singer. That is just plain ass disgusting.
    It’s like she died but she ain’t got the sense to lie down and accept it.

    http://toomuchfree-time.blogspot.com

    Reply
  39. My ass | November 11, 2008 at 5:15 pm

    Oh my GOD, please poke my eyes out. This is repulsive and downright against the fucking laws of nature for a huma nbeing to be this grotesque

    Reply
  40. Stiles | November 11, 2008 at 5:15 pm

    ‘Smeegel thinksss she might find PRECIOUS at door’

    Reply
  41. dave | November 11, 2008 at 5:16 pm

    people gain weight when they go quit using. if shes getting healthy you should cut her some slack. body issues could force her back to the junk.

    Reply
  42. Jim Jones | November 11, 2008 at 5:23 pm

    Wait, I thought Amy Winehouse was a woman?

    Reply
  43. Intrepid | November 11, 2008 at 5:33 pm

    Dear Encyclopedia Britannica, here is the perfect visual example of the idea of: Worthless Skank.

    Reply
  44. mimi | November 11, 2008 at 5:37 pm

    FUCK ALL OF YOU! IT IS ASSHOLES LIKE YOU THAT HAVE MADE OUR GIRL THIS WAY, ALWAYS BEING PREYED UPON BY THE PAP SMEARS AND RIDICULED. THIS ANGEL IS OF A HIGHER GRADE OF FLESH THAN YOU GOY WILL EVER BE.

    Reply
  45. Michael from WA | November 11, 2008 at 5:50 pm

    Wow.

    And just like that, I’m gay.

    Reply
  46. Master | November 11, 2008 at 6:20 pm

    Wow shes the most beautiful thing Iv ever seen.

    Bookmarked! Masterbating everynight to it!

    Reply
  47. ann | November 11, 2008 at 6:24 pm

    If this ‘woman’ doesnt need a guardian, I dont know who does. Yes, in fact, those are hospital bracelets. And just FYI, her belly could be ascites from boozaholism. Can someone PLEASE assign someone to her?

    Reply
  48. ummm...yeah | November 11, 2008 at 6:41 pm

    STFU mimi, You’re a fucking idiot!
    That skanky bitch is repulsive.
    She needs to just fucking die already.

    Reply
  49. ummm...yeah | November 11, 2008 at 6:43 pm

    I’ll assign a fucking hit man to her ass.

    Reply
  50. twhite | November 11, 2008 at 6:46 pm

    but look how clear her skin is…
    she normally has scabs all over her face.
    this is good, hopefully she’ll start cleaning herself up now, because she is very talented.

    Reply
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