Amy Winehouse to divorce: ‘It’s over.’ ‘Only together for the sex.’

The Superficial / November 23, 2008

Amy Winehouse, presumably in exchange for a wheelbarrow full of crack, has revealed to News of the World that her marriage to Blake-Fielder Civil is over. He’s leaving her for German model Sophie Schandorff which is a significant improvement on his part. Then again, the same thing could be said about a sea turtle:

Drug-tortured star Amy dramatically confessed: “It’s over. There’s no way back for us now. It was never going to last. We were only together for SEX. I fancied him like mad, like no one else I’ve ever known. But it’s not enough, is it?”

A friend of Amy’s also revealed that her sex life with Blake was as insanely excessive as their rampant drug use. She even arranged threesomes which I’m betting involved a shitload of duct tape and hush money:

“They were into threesomes. It was Blake’s idea but Amy said she’d been with women before so it wasn’t a problem. She said she’s had a string of female lovers. Whenever Blake said he wanted three-in-a-bed Amy would fix it.”

“They thought they were on this sexual journey together. And the pair of them were into some real kinky stuff, not just the usual bondage and sex games but really gross stuff you couldn’t mention in a newspaper. They were bad for each other, each pushing the other to excess, whether drugs or sex. Plus he sponged off her. And she’s awake to that now.”

Just imagine getting married to the only woman in the world who still wants to have crazy sex after the honeymoon, but it’s Amy Winehouse. I’ll give you a minute to stop crying. Okay, now, fellas, go home and hug your wives. Hug them and say “I love you, honey. Sure, we haven’t been intimate since that Christmas I spiked your coffee, but at least I can look at you without vomiting on the dog. Also, thanks for not making a big deal about the masturbating, strippers or cleaning lady.”

On second thought, maybe just get her some flowers.