Amy Winehouse to divorce: ‘It’s over.’ ‘Only together for the sex.’

November 23rd, 2008 // 50 Comments

Amy Winehouse, presumably in exchange for a wheelbarrow full of crack, has revealed to News of the World that her marriage to Blake-Fielder Civil is over. He’s leaving her for German model Sophie Schandorff which is a significant improvement on his part. Then again, the same thing could be said about a sea turtle:

Drug-tortured star Amy dramatically confessed: “It’s over. There’s no way back for us now. It was never going to last. We were only together for SEX. I fancied him like mad, like no one else I’ve ever known. But it’s not enough, is it?”

A friend of Amy’s also revealed that her sex life with Blake was as insanely excessive as their rampant drug use. She even arranged threesomes which I’m betting involved a shitload of duct tape and hush money:

“They were into threesomes. It was Blake’s idea but Amy said she’d been with women before so it wasn’t a problem. She said she’s had a string of female lovers. Whenever Blake said he wanted three-in-a-bed Amy would fix it.”

“They thought they were on this sexual journey together. And the pair of them were into some real kinky stuff, not just the usual bondage and sex games but really gross stuff you couldn’t mention in a newspaper. They were bad for each other, each pushing the other to excess, whether drugs or sex. Plus he sponged off her. And she’s awake to that now.”

Just imagine getting married to the only woman in the world who still wants to have crazy sex after the honeymoon, but it’s Amy Winehouse. I’ll give you a minute to stop crying. Okay, now, fellas, go home and hug your wives. Hug them and say “I love you, honey. Sure, we haven’t been intimate since that Christmas I spiked your coffee, but at least I can look at you without vomiting on the dog. Also, thanks for not making a big deal about the masturbating, strippers or cleaning lady.”

On second thought, maybe just get her some flowers.

superficial

  1. mimi

    This is the best thing that could happen to her…

    now pray for AMY!

  2. surah

    she actually doesn’t look that bad in those pictures..

    perhaps this is what’ll help her get better

  3. timmy the dying boy

    Get in line, guys! She’s available!

  4. Pebbles

    I wish you all the best Amy. You reached fame and fortune in your 20s when everyone in their 20s is trying to find themselves like you. You got caught up in sex and drugs and a life living in the fog. I hope you find yourself soon because your talent needs to continue.

  5. 1moreidiotintheworld

    ??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
    I really wasn’t aware that there were other purported members of the human race out there who engaged in any sexual activity with that hideous beast…. no matter how fucking drugged up they were….I now have a little more respect for the Tijuana whores in the donkey shows……..

  6. Fido

    The only thing she really, really wanted to keep out of their relationship was the dog. She became really attached to him or, should I say, knotted.

  7. Ted from LA

    Praying for mimi.

  8. Pathetic Worm

    Masturbation is the healthy option.

  9. twzzlrgirl

    Pebbles, you are really Randal in disguise.

    Still not funny.

  10. I am so glad I am not a guy. I think I would just die if I had to think about doing Amy. Sick.
    But at least all of the lonely and desperate guys can take a little joy from the fact that they will never have to sink that low. Somebody will love them before they have to resort to her….Ewww

  11. Funeral Guy

    I wonder if it was scat stuff.

  12. my comment

    That’s a lot of hospital bracelets she’s wearing.

  13. PatheticNewGuy

    @Funeral Guy

    Wonder? Please. I’m sure they encouraged their friends to bring their own poop over for Amy to play with.

    Skank is nasty.

  14. hhhrt

    Don’t care!
    My friend recommended me a very interesting place

    ??KissMillionaireS . Co m ??

    It’s where wealthy singles looking for someone to enjoy their wealthy lifestyle with.

  15. Plastic Sturgeon

    Amy is a very talented musician. Hopefully she won’t lose millions of her hard earned money in the divorce.

    Sadly I don’t think her divorcing Blake is enough for her to quit drugs and alcohol. She needs to go to rehab, stat. Otherwise, she will be dead before her 26th birthday,

  16. This was almost a hot story till you realize whos involved!!!

  17. Matthew

    god let her 15 minutes be over with

  18. Cash

    Holy shit she has some horrible teeth, even for a Brit. The chapped lips, discoloration and rounded contact points is a pretty clear indication of meth mouth. I know the UK has this whole national health bullshit going on, but you’d think with her money she could afford a private dentist to fix that shit.

  19. dip my lip clip into a creep

    German over Jew? Noooohway.

  20. Rosa

    Hi,
    I am Rosa, a sexy and beautiful woman. Internet is a quite good place to meet friends and even find whatever your need. I am just in the beginning of my career and want to find a black man, so I uploaded my hot and even hot photos on ???INTERRACIALLOVING.COM???. I’m waiting for u……..

  21. mimi

    #8! I don’t need your prayers, you devil worshipper!

    Now, pray for Amy! On your knees and pray!

  22. april

    at least she looks better… compare it to the incident where she’s standing outside in the mesh shirt… and that time where she was talking for baby mice… and that time she got into a razor blade fight with blake… and that time she smoked crack on stage… and that time where she did blow on stage… and that time….

  23. Confused

    #20?

  24. wildelk27

    Why is she still wearing the hospital bracelets? Does this woman never bathe? Wait…I think we already know the answer to that…my bad.

  25. Binky

    (uMMM….too much info)

  26. ummm...yeah

    YUCK!!!!!
    She is so pathetic it doesn’t make any sense. She has to be THE nastiest bitch on the planet. Fucking die already skank whore!
    What the fuck are you praying for her for…it obviously isn’t working.
    Pray that she dies…quietly

  27. friendlyfires

    … I reiterate, she’ll actually make it beyond next Passover. Prepare for Britney makeover of Amy Winehouse. I understand it involves lotsa exercise and Kabbala. Or was it Kibbles? Anyhoo, we have a buyer for the Madonna Manse in London.

  28. jaded

    I soooo don’t believe this she’S gonna be screaming for her BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE TOMORROW OR WHENEVER SHE WAKES UP FROM HER BLACKOUT

  29. Kevin

    I heard that she appeared on a dating community ???INTERRACIALLOVING.COM??? with a personal account there. Maybe you have the chance to talk to her online or meet some singles there. It is amazing.

  30. “but really gross stuff you couldn’t mention in a newspaper” dear god, this must really mean something bad when the News of the World goes all prissy on us.

    What was it, children? Dead bodies? Dead children’s bodies? My mind is boggling.

  31. ” CHICKEN FLESH” is familiar, folks?

  32. bogs

    someone zoom in on her bracelets. im curious if they say anything interesting like which floor she was on… keen people could figure out what exactly she was in for that way ;)

  33. Rich

    Yuck, I would not touch that with a 10 foot pole. Masturbation with a sandpaper mitten would be more healthful.

  34. Kia

    I can’t deal with any more pics of this girl. She creeps me out!!!

  35. Kia

    I can’t deal with any more pics of this girl. She creeps me out!!! It’s like looking at the crypt keeper. :(

  36. DamnIt!!!!

    Does this mean she might not die now? I was really counting on Blake to come through for me. I have January ’09 in a dead pool.

    Now with Blake out of the picture I need to hope for a freak accident, maybe a piano falling on her head or a stray python mistaking her for a wounded anteater.

    (Come on snake!!! Unhook those jaws and swallow her whole. Just watch out for needles.)

  37. Her cooch must taste like that backwash at the bottom of a beer bottle after a couple of days. If you sprayed deodorant on it, it would disappear.

  38. chungster

    Why won’t she just hurry up a die. Drugs have only one real purpose…kill the people stupid enough to chronically abuse them. I hope her dealer sells her some tainted drugs and she dies a slow, painful, and ultimately avoidable death.

  39. Ben Grieve

    “not just the usual bondage and sex games but really gross stuff you couldn’t mention in a newspaper”

    What a bunch of bullshit. That’s why they coined innocent sounding phrases like “glassbottom boat”, “rusty trombone” and “grumpkin”. They’re fit to print.

    The world needs to know what’s been in and out of her pussy.

  40. usgb

    its the curse of the “having your lovers name tattooed on your body”. dumb fucking jews

  41. Aja

    Wonder what the gross stuff was, scat or puke? I want to see a videosextape!! Oh wait…urm no…

    maybe?

  42. fsgfb

    Where in the hell is the grim reaper when you need him?

  43. ellievellie

    bottem line: amy’s choices are dictated by her addictions. if blake had shown any inkling he wanted to be sober amy might not have said so but she wouldn’t have any use for him or anybody until she gets sober. in her intercom interview last week b4 the “split” she said blake is ” sober now and that will be weird”. that was very telling. amy is so out of control….her parents must be so proud with her saying she’s had girl lovers and only with civil for sex. wow. i adore her talent but those dirty fingernails scare me.

  44. Mariana

    She’s got to be fucked up all the time. In 99% of the pics of her, she’s making some fucked up face. Or walking like she has meningitis and her spinal cord has atrophied. Does she ever *not* make fucked up faces?

  45. Bye Blake! Not really gonna miss ya’ that much.

    http://starcasm.net/archives/1782

  46. imagine if you were her dad looking at all these pictures of her with her “daddy’s girl” tattoo and all drugged up…it would break my heart : (

  47. chupacabra

    The Grim Reaper is too busy in the Congo.

  48. I wasn’t aware that she was into that crazy bondage stuff. still, who would want to have sex with that… seriously, even for the kinky bondage sex, it’s not worth it… the nightmares!

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