Amy Winehouse is a sexaholic *HORF*

April 28th, 2008 // 53 Comments

The recently freed Amy Winehouse (Yep, the cops just warned her to keep her face to herself) apparently has another addiction besides booze, blow, popsicles, magazines, McDonald’s french fries, ballet slippers and smoking crack with cats. Our girl Amy likes to do it. A lot. I’ll give you a minute to quickly clear your thoughts and think about something less gross. Like witnessing natural child birth. Anyway, Amy hasn’t exactly been the faithful wife and is somehow managing to find live men willing to see her naked, according to The Sun:

The friend said: “It’s funny how she bedded the last two people who have been helping to look after her. Amy is sex-mad — and she gets what she wants.”
The Sun revealed on Saturday how Amy plans to divorce hubby BLAKE FIELDER-CIVIL — who is behind bars on remand on assault and trial fixing charges. But she had been unable to face telling the junkie about her affair with ALEX HAINES — her manager’s aide. A source said yesterday: “In all honesty they think The Sun has done them a favour. It was getting harder to keep the affair under wraps.”

Surprisingly, this morning People is corroborated The Sun’s story that Amy and Blake are eventually headed towards Splitsville. Trust me, I guarantee nobody’s more stunned than the folks at the The Sun:

“It is a tough situation,” the insider added, responding to British reports of the union’s demise. “[I] don’t think that anyone who knows them and cares about them doesn’t have an opinion about why they should [split], but it’s not happening now.”

So, basically, if you run into a drunk Amy Winehouse you’re faced with either two outcomes: Get headbutted in the face or have sex with her. If it were me, I’d go for Secret Option #3: Hand Amy a knife and tell her there’s a balloon full of coke in my belly. Then I’ll simply walk away after she completely misses and stabs a parking meter – across the street.

superficial

  1. LOL

    First…

  2. jrz

    Jesus……Auchwitz Chic gone amok.

  3. jakebarnes

    She’s addicted to sexahol.

  4. George Washington

    At least you saved this one for after lunch….

  5. LOLBBQWTF

    God……this bitch is SO fugly.

  6. Beav

    More heebs!

  7. George Bush

    My nuts just disappeared up into me, I think they are scared.

  8. What if she headbutts me AND THEN has sex with me?

    I can’t control him. Especially when I’m knocked out.

  9. Bill Clinton

    I’d do her she’s hotter than Hillary!
    Hey Amy meet me out in the wood house I’m there most of the time.

  10. Barf

    Imagine the smell and the rancicity of that vag.

  11. poonmoon

    Well at least she can’t snort sex, but I bet she’s tried.
    That’s how she got that horrible posture.

    Anyway it’s good to see Jerry Seinfeld trying new things, I was begining to think he was a one trick pony.

  12. Jrz

    Beav: More like HEEBie Jeebies.

  13. Bill Clinton

    I’d do her she’s hotter than Hillary!
    Hey Amy meet me out in the wood shed I’m there most of the time.

  14. Clem

    I really wish I had not read that article.

  15. Sara

    Oh god, i almost threw up

  16. swweets

    do u think she would remember anyone screwing her ?

  17. Jumpin_J

    Oh god, you HAD to post it during my lunch break. Get me a bucket…

  18. Gia

    Amy can probably obtain multiple orgasms quickly and non stop like me and so I can understand her addiction to sex.

  19. You know what? Fuck it. If she gets checked and is disease free, I’m in.

  20. eh

    thats shit is to funny

    i want the change from the parking meter haha

  21. veggi

    looks like people have been throwin rocks in morse code at her..

  22. I would just stare at the pin-up girl on her arm and pretend I’m having sex with her.

  23. lipper

    She must have like Dracula’s ability to put you in a trance THEN jumps you without you even knowing what happened. Until your dick starts to drip and burn. You’ll think for a moment and laugh, “Oh yeah, I bet Amy fucked me!”

    How could any guy work one out while screwing her!? I knew guys would screw a light socket for kicks, but this is truly perverted.

  24. Beav

    Sarah Jean should give her some Fashionable Housewife tips.

  25. BA_Baracus

    I recognized your foul stench when I was brought on board, Amy

  26. hanshotfirst

    Ha, excellent #25. And… probably true. From a mile away.

  27. Jrz

    Fashion Tip from SJTLQ:
    To hide the track marks, I bought some used Mederma on Craig’s List! It’s also good for diaper rash.

  28. Beav

    Someone put her back in the oven, she isn’t done yet.

  29. DragonBoy

    When did someone create a real life banshee?

  30. BA_Baracus

    You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. We must be cautious.

  31. hanshotfirst

    I have a bad feeling about this…

  32. Hecubus

    Amy – ‘Blake, I’m so sorry’

    Blake – ‘What is it darling ?’

    Amy – ‘Well Blake, I’m leaving you’

    Blake – ‘WHOOO HOOOOOO !!! …. oh, uhhhh sorry. That’s really …. sad ?’

    Amy – ‘I’m sorry Blake, I really am. It’s just that I’ve met someone new. You’d like him really, you’re very similar to each other. He has that medical condition that makes him throw up and cry while having sex too’

    Blake – ‘Oh well, visiting time’s over. You go have fun baby, I want you to be happy.’

    -Amy leaves in tears-

    Blake – ‘Okay, that’s a wrap people. She’s gone, you can drop the act. I want to thank you all for your help over the last few months and you should receive your cheques through your acting agencies within two to three weeks.’

  33. Proof positive that some people will fuck anything. I bet her cooter is so dry, it feels like it has teeth…

  34. #4 Not where I am…

    Fuck it, I’m skipping lunch today. I could probably stand to lose a couple of pounds anyway….thanks a lot FISH!!

  35. Auntie Kryst

    I don’t see what’s so wrong with this. As long as this hideous limey skank keeps hooking up with hideous looking limey men like her husband, it’s good for all of us. It’s sort of like fighting terrorism “over there” so it doesn’t reach our shores..

  36. BunnyButt

    Sexahol! I want me some o’ that!

  37. Evil

    I’d fuck her, she probably give head like a maniac

  38. @Evil

    She’ll need every calorie from your spunk. It looks like we can scratch french fries off her addiction list. She looks like she’s in the initial stages of anorexia. Either that or she’s discover the wonders of methamphetamine.

  39. Do_FreeBird

    nice prison tats

  40. Sick and Confused

    Just throw talcum powder on your body and pretend that you’re a mound of cocaine, “Blow me! Blow me!”

  41. GTBurns

    Fact that people are having sex with Amy Winehouse is far more shocking than the Vanity Fair Miley Photo spread. I say people because at this point she probably swings both ways, at the same time too.

  42. lambman

    Hmmmm, a singer who writes songs about being an addict/alcoholic and cheating on her man turns out to be an addict/alcoholic who cheats on her man.

    are we supposed to pretend to be suprised by this?

    shut up and sing

  43. Sex Nuts & Retard Strong

    Ugh…she is just so fugly. I’d rather place my salami on the griddle at Mickey D’s and apply a belt sander to it before sticking it in the disease-riddled maw that is her vagina. Or mangina. Or whatever the hell that thing is.

  44. Jaffo

    …speechless, just fucking speechless…

  45. lisabeller

    She is ever a member of a millionair club ” M I L L I O N A I R E L O V E R.C O M ” where the millionaire & celebrity gather! But now she is kicked out.

  46. Hannah T

    Amy

    Eat something, eat something, eat something, eat something. While sober.

  47. Frank Lucas' Bitch

    She really needs to eat, she looks horrible and anorexic. She’s really not that bad looking and she’s very talented, HOWEVER, she needs to change her horrible hair, clean up, get clear skin, fix her horrible teeth, stop doing drugs, and EAT. FOOD. YES, EAT FOOD. Then maybe then she will look more or less human or even attractive.

  48. Meth makes you horny, so NOT a big surprise that Amy likes to fuck…

  49. ho

    That alone is enough to turn me celibate for life. Fuck even the fugly over the hill Madonna looks better than this atrocious bitch.

  50. edgar suit

    ……her singing is retched but I bet she’d look hot if I was on a three day crack binge………….

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