Amy Winehouse courted by Scientologists

October 6th, 2008 // 84 Comments

Amy Winehouse could be joining the ranks of Tom Cruise. She’s been contacted by the Church of Scientology who think they can cure her using their Narconon system which, God Xenu willing, involves sticking your face in a volcano. The Daily Mirror reports:

One of Amy’s inner circle tells me: “She had a call from the celebrity branch of the Church Of Scientology. She thinks they got her number through one of the American music producers who worked on her Back to Black album. They told her they wanted to help her beat drugs and could tailor-make a programme so she wouldn’t have to go to a residential centre. She liked that idea because her husband Blake is out of prison soon and wouldn’t want to be away from him when he’s finally freed.”

Judging by these pics, I’m sure Amy’s father Mitch is open to any help he can get:

MITCH: Amy, love, these Scientologist blokes want to help.
AMY: Me ass, daddy. They want to turn me into a zombie like the Katie Holmes fellow.
MITCH: Will you just hear them out?
AMY: I’ll shit in me bloody shoe first.
MITCH: Amy, dear, you already shat in your shoe.
AMY: I mean me other ones.
MITCH: Those too.
AMY: Right… let me see your shoe a bit then, dad?
MITCH: No.

superficial

  1. Dr Death

    the best part about those pictures is SHE’S COMING BACK FROM A PERFORMANCE!!! she wore that shit ONSTAGE!!!!

    AHHHH!!!

    (STFG… u can look it up….)

  2. rame

    When did Kim Kardashian lose 300 pounds??

  3. Sarah Palin

    Let us pray that our brave troops stay safe while doing Gods work. Amen!

    (applause)

    After I’m elected I will, in addition to my VP duties, head the new National Faith Based Electorate Institute to ensure that future candidates are truly Christian men and women seeking to advance Christianity in the form of new initiatives such as Crusades and Inquisitions. After all, only REAL Christians should be armed across the planet. We willl ensure that the entire planet believes in Christianity, ushering in the end times!

    (long applause)

    Vote McCain (Palin)

    Amen!

    (AMEN!!!)

  4. ummm...yeah

    #33,
    LMAO!!!! Where is that stupid cunt mimi, always praying for AMY?
    I swear from the looks of her, she needs all the fuckin prayers she can get!
    You know, on second thought, those fuckin prayers aren’t working, no need for them now.
    That whore is beyond repair….somebody kill her…NOW!

  5. AdamYYZ

    Jesus P-Diddy Christ she is horrifying!

    I think I’d rather bang Michael Jackson. At least, I have a *pretty* good idea where he has been. And on that note, I am going to go douse myself with gasoline.

  6. Amy

    pray for mimi

  7. friendlyfires

    Amy Winehouse – zombie crack whore muthafucka – the diseasoid of Devonshire – you couldn’t assemble anything as nasty as that on SPORE even if you cheated.

  8. JollyJumJuck

    I think pic #1 shows that she is a reanimated corpse. “Fire BAD!!!”

  9. Jay

    Shes not dead yet.

  10. Her face looks like it’d be a really cool and scary Halloween mask. Someone should contact Party City. Or one of those novelty shops. I think you’d have to have yellow scummy teeth yourself, though, to pull that part off. I love Halloween!!!

  11. kerri

    i officially feel sorry for her. clearly she is messed up but god – these pictures are horrifying. i hope she makes it. i know she’s done this to herself but i wouldn’t wish that kind of anger or sadness on anyone.

  12. Tom Cruise

    Wow she looks so manly….makes me want to throw it in

  13. mimi

    She makes me cry myself to sleep. Sometimes I wonder what I am going to do when she leaves this world and God takes her back to Heaven.
    You people are so cruel when she has done so much for us with her gift of song.
    Let her alone.

  14. Pissy McGee

    It’s not even funny to look at her anymore. She’s so far gone it’s just sad. Appears to be on the brink of death and it seems her family is not really trying to help her. Get her ass committed!!! She is HARMING herself.

  15. wyo

    Good god! Is it me or is she turning yellow??? (look at her legs)

  16. I'm Barack Obama and I approve...

    Heard a great joke today:

    What do Barack Obama and Osama Bin Laden have in common??

    Give Up??

    Both have friends who tried to blow up the Pentagon!!

    Hey-oh!!

  17. tyson

    she’s already a crazy drug addict, why hasn’t she been arrested for having all the drugs???

  18. britney's weave

    i wasn’t going to comment on anything today but holy fucking christ those pics AREN’T photoshopped.

    i’m going to go vomit now.

  19. Xenu is the scientologist’s devil. Does that make Xenu god and L. Ron Hubbard the devil? I think I need to buy some personality tests, e-meterings and super secret training sessions.

  20. can any else see the hep c all over her!

  21. Sara

    This girl is so talented that anytime some story like this comes up with pictures of her body torn to shreds, it makes me cringe….what a fucking waste

  22. Sara

    This girl is so talented that anytime some story like this comes up with pictures of her body torn to shreds, it makes me cringe….what a fucking waste

    This is a video of her back in the day when she was healthy and had a voice worth a damn: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RfBNBeVbOds

    Love you amy.

  23. Beastman AIDS

    this woman gives me the screaming shits

  24. Toolboy

    Fuck Justin Timberlake, this bitch is bringing sexy back!!
    What’s worse: a mindless, impulsive drug addicted zombie that has talent (or talent enough to make some money), or a mindless, robotic cult addicted money generator?

  25. Jen

    Gosh… she is so pretty. Im so jelouse of her teetH!

  26. hannah

    whoever introduced her to hard drugs should be shot.

  27. LiLo for V-Prez 2008

    I doubt scientology could make things any worse now.
    Well, I guess they’ll get her money and feed her corpse to J-Los butt.

  28. YEP FOLKS, america is dying for another moron these “HEAVY”day’s?

  29. baloney

    oh, amy… please whatever you do… don’t join up with that fricken crazy scientology troop… i love you girl and you may need help… but don’t get it from them!

  30. Sarah

    Isnt she a Jewish? and why she is going to the Scientology group ?
    Anyshit, I dont like her

    She is gross! haha

  31. Woah….

    She actually makes Skeletor(Madonna) look decent.

  32. Woah….

    She actually makes Skeletor(Madonna) look decent.

  33. Ketielynn

    Now that would be funny…..watching Amy get pissed off at them and whipping those Scientologist asses!

  34. Megan

    Man, I was just looking at a picture of her from 2004, and christ, how can someone rot away so much in 4 years?

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