Amy Winehouse courted by Scientologists

October 6th, 2008 // 84 Comments

Amy Winehouse could be joining the ranks of Tom Cruise. She’s been contacted by the Church of Scientology who think they can cure her using their Narconon system which, God Xenu willing, involves sticking your face in a volcano. The Daily Mirror reports:

One of Amy’s inner circle tells me: “She had a call from the celebrity branch of the Church Of Scientology. She thinks they got her number through one of the American music producers who worked on her Back to Black album. They told her they wanted to help her beat drugs and could tailor-make a programme so she wouldn’t have to go to a residential centre. She liked that idea because her husband Blake is out of prison soon and wouldn’t want to be away from him when he’s finally freed.”

Judging by these pics, I’m sure Amy’s father Mitch is open to any help he can get:

MITCH: Amy, love, these Scientologist blokes want to help.
AMY: Me ass, daddy. They want to turn me into a zombie like the Katie Holmes fellow.
MITCH: Will you just hear them out?
AMY: I’ll shit in me bloody shoe first.
MITCH: Amy, dear, you already shat in your shoe.
AMY: I mean me other ones.
MITCH: Those too.
AMY: Right… let me see your shoe a bit then, dad?
MITCH: No.

superficial

  1. Air Mail

    That must be false: She is not rich enough and a closet homosexual.

  2. sb

    I see this as proof that Scientologists are trying to take over the world–they want to take use Winehouse’s apparently indestructible body and brainwash her (although that may be a bit tricky since there’s not much to work with) to turn her into the ultimate weapon. She’ll be like the Terminator, only with more coke residue.

  3. Max Planck

    They are just trying to attract a better class of people then they have been able to so far.

  4. Arska

    Qualifications: crazy enough – check

  5. friendlyfires

    A collection of Amy Winehouse now and then slideshow

    http://www.popeater.com/music/article/amy-winehouse-rewind/198656

  6. jamie

    She kinda looks like Mick Jagger in that last one.

  7. Seriously, could Scientology be any worse for her?! I love this new blog – check it out: The Minister of Common Sense at theministerofcommonsense.blogspot.com

  8. havoc

    Its too late.

    She’ll be dead by the end of the year….

    .

  9. Remanence of early man.

  10. Deacon Jones

    Her bodyguard looks terrified of her

  11. Chenush

    she won’t be dead. she already is.

  12. haterrrrrrrr

    she has got to be the ugliest person alive.

  13. grobpilot

    One benefit: She’ll destroy that church in short order. Nothing could handle a train wreck like her.

  14. Rant

    Chicken legs on sale…..two for a dollar!!!!

  15. Richard McBeef

    someone should shoot her. and scientologists.

    scientology is a bed-shitting scam and fuck all those sorry saps that buy, quite literally, into it. fuck em all.

  16. supersex

    that’s one ugly ass bitch

  17. lloyd johnson

    I just threw up.

  18. shirin

    she is truly a testament to what the human body can withstand and overcome

  19. Face Palm

    I don’t think that is a bodyguard for her as much as to keep random innocent by-standers out of harms way of contracting some mutated strain of her disease of the day…

  20. theDogg

    It looks like she is about to turn into the Incredible Hulk in pic #1. That ugly bitch is all green and shit. “Your not going to like me when I’m Angry!!!”

  21. bobby carozza

    I hope she gets high on PCP and beats Tom Cruise to death

  22. zuzuspetals

    She looks like she’s auditioning for the role of Rumplestiltskin.

  23. huazai

    I heard she joined the club [__"tallhub.com"__]which is the biggest club in world for 18+ singles from different countries to meet cute girls or handsome men.They are tall and slender in build,hot and sexy.Join them,and go on have a look…
    Good luck for you,wish you find your girls or guys.

  24. Hatey McWrathenstein

    HOLY SHITE – Gollum is realzz!

  25. Ted from LA

    She looks fine. What’s the problem? Check out her legs. She must be hitting the gym frequently.

  26. Chenush

    #26: really? she joined?
    yay.

  27. norton

    Doesn’t this chicks record label have any control over her?

  28. Jammy

    mmm…ahhhhh…. maybe not such a bad idea, considering….
    Only thing is, Scientology doesn’t allow Jews, do they?

  29. mike

    wow she looks terrible, am I the only one who thinks ‘jaundice’ when I see those pictures??

  30. mamadough

    where’s that stupid cunt mimi to defend this crack monkey?

    i agree with #16, the church will try to strip her dry of the rest of her money that isn’t spent on drugs, and in return she will go batshit crazy on their asses. you can’t keep amy quiet and controlled like you do all the other drones who buy into that cult shit. and after being exposed to them, do you think she’d keep any of their secrets quiet? the church and amy are both fucking clown shoes.

  31. MightyD

    Look at the big guy’s face in the back…he’s like “WTF!”…I’m guessing he’s either staring at a hairy plumber’s butt crack whore…see what I did here…crack + whore… or thinking he would’nt even fuck that ass with that other camera guy’s dick!…And the camera guy seems to think the same thing.

  32. Ray Daddy

    Looks like she did a batman right out of that garbage can…. maybe that’s her dressing by her appearance.

  33. Needledick The Bug Fucker

    Damn !!!
    Mick Jagger back on heroin again?

  34. JY

    Is her jacket caught in her beehive?

    Amy Winehouse is a HOT MESS.

  35. haha

    Zombie

  36. Mimi

    Amy has disappointed me with her wanting ways. I am no longer praying for her.

  37. Rich

    Scientology just wants to milk her for whatever money she has left. Did the same to poor Katie Holmes who got involved with that gay Tom Cruise. Why do you think that Katie is in New York, she needs to work since they drained her finances.

  38. Lisa

    She would say ‘arse’ not ‘ass’

  39. friendlystoner

    if thats the sort of recruit Scientologst want in there group thats fine. it just means a quicker end to tom cruise`s “religion.” the sooner the better i say.

  40. nancy

    she is disgustingly thin. disgustingly.

  41. Mike Litoris

    BRAINS… NEED BRAINS!

  42. Rant

    That has to be fucking wig. With the way this bitch has gone done hill she has to be balding.

  43. herbiefrog

    we wern’t [aren't] supposed tp copmment

    shhhhhhhhhhhhhh

    so anyway… someone said…

    “Scientology doesn’t allow Jews, do they? ”

    are wqe nearly there yet ?

    are they getting that it’xs just a joke

    just like the “real” thing

    hello ???

    starving people out there ?

    can we help ?

    shhhhh

  44. woodhorse

    10 bucks on Amy in the third round. I look for TCLTC to go out crying. Doesn’t look good for America. Rematch with Harry Dean Stanton.

  45. Slut

    I like how the guy in the back looks like he has that “I just threw up in my mouth” look

  46. Me

    Wow she looks worse than ever. I thought that was Mick Jagger.

  47. tc

    Check her out on Youtube – ‘later with jools holland’

    Incredibly, about four years ago she was undeniably an attractive woman.

Leave A Comment