Saying that Amy Winehouse fell off the wagon would be a gross understatement. She basically turned into the Incredible Drinking Hulk, smashed the wagon to pieces then downed a water silo filled with Jack Daniels. And, judging by her activities last night, that’s probably the most accurate metaphor to ever be written since the invention of words. The Sun reports:
Onlookers told how the married singer also SNOGGED a mystery fella at a nightspot and shocked punters by overturning tables and drinks.
She was later seen smoking drugs in the street, walked into a lamppost, and riled a cabbie by paying only HALF her promised fare home.
She also headbutted a dude in the face for not letting her play pool before heading home. But once she got there, Amy realized, “Wait, this night needs more headbutting.” So, she sauntered off to a nearby pub to make sure more faces got butted. She’s a pro. Gotta give her that:
“She was off her face, throwing drinks around and turning over tables. Amy screamed, ‘I am a legend, get these people out. I want to take drugs’.”
Another man tried to get her a cab, but she reportedly thought he was trying to molest her and allegedly butted him in the face.
Okay, somebody needs to fill Amy up with gin and dump her in Afghanistan. Bam! Terrorism solved by way of headbutting. I can hear their cries now: “Run! It is bride of Satan! Her breasts like that of dead camel. For real, my bro. Quickly, go find CIA. Electrocution to the testicles is walk in sand park compared to this. Oh, dear Allah, who would unleash such a beast?!” I really should work at the Pentagon. I’d get shit done.