Amy Winehouse and kids: What could go wrong?

Amy Winehouse attended the Celebrity Soccer Six tournament yesterday and was greeted by a throng of young fans. Apparently, their parents didn’t care enough to let them play with matches instead. Anyway, Amy stopped to sign autographs even after a busy day completing the following tasks:

1. Walked around clutching a giant paper bag. Contents: Equal parts crack, dead kittens.

2. Spread tuberculosis.

3. Scratched her boob which, against all odds, remained attached to her chests.

When asked about the tit-scratching, a lead medical researcher at Johns Hopkins offered her analysis, “Either super glue is involved, or my God, the entire field of medicine has virtually changed over night. Wait, is she near kids? Christ, weren’t there any handguns laying around for them to play with?”