Amy Schumer Isn’t Stealing Jokes, Calm Your Ass Down

Full Disclosure: I only recently got on board with Amy Schumer back in April when her show was crushing it, and I discovered the vein of dudes who fucking hate her with every fiber of their being because she doesn’t fulfill the stereotype of a “fat” chick who’s just dying for their dicks and would never make a zinger about how small and/or ineffective it is. That fucking terrifies them. Toss in her going balls out on gun control, and it’s a goddamn miracle I’m not sleeping in her crawlspace right now. (Which isn’t rapey because she could kill me with one punch. Just kill me right dead.)

So knowing all of that, let’s talk about “stealing jokes,” which has happened to me over the years either through outright plagiarism or YouTube “stars” passing off my posts as their own commentary. And as much as that sucked, throwing around accusations of comedy theft is something I’m still hesitant to get into because it’s almost always the preferred weapon of unemployed crazy people. On top of that, most comedy is observational, so there’s a pretty good chance at least one of the millions of people out there are going to have the same thought as you about something. That’s fucking math. However, “Amy Schumer Thought The Same Thing As Other Women” doesn’t have the same clickbait panache of “AMY SCHUMER STOLE JOKES FROM FEMALE COMICS YET SHE CALLS HERSELF A FEMINIST?!” So here she is defending herself against recent accusations of joke theft to Jim Norton. Via Vanity Fair:

Schumer used social media, initially, to try and clear the air, writing, “On my life, I have never and would never steal a joke.” She also called into the Jim Norton Advice Show on Sirius, addressing the claims made that she took jokes from comedians Kathleen Madigan, Wendy Liebman, and Tammy Pescatelli.
“I’m being accused of stealing jokes and I wanted to come and talk to you about it and clear my name because I would never ever do that and never have,” she said, adding she would happily take a polygraph test to affirm that she did not take material from anyone else. “I would never, ever do that, and I never have. … I have to come up with so much material for my TV show, this movie, stand-up. And I’m so careful. … I will literally take a polygraph. And I just would never do that. That would be so stupid for me to do that.”

In Amy Schumer’s defense, Wendy Liebman has already made it abundantly clear that she wasn’t even accusing Amy Schumer of stealing her joke and tweeted as much. Except here’s where it gets really great for women because apparently all of this started when Amy, like, totally blocked Tammy Pescatelli on Twitter because she was, like, being such a bitch to Rachel, and it snowballed into a giant ball of drama that consumed all of our lives:

Schumer said that both Madigan and Liebman have been understanding about the situation, and believe that Schumer is in the clear, whereas Schumer believes Pescatelli, based on her history with Schumer, might be trying to keep the controversy a-brewin’. “Both Kathleen and Wendy believe me, they know me and they don’t believe I would do that, I think this is Tammy’s trying to get something going,” Schumer said. “I think [Pescatelli] is upset I blocked her on Twitter a couple years ago because she was unkind to my best friend, Rachel Feinstein, and I didn’t like how she treated Rachel. … I don’t think she’s got much going on, this is my guess. … I think people get upset by success.”

Of course, this post could’ve been a lot shorter because you want to know how I know Amy Schumer isn’t stealing jokes? She has a writing staff. But then I couldn’t have wrote all that stuff about how much I hate how most of the male commenters on my site that click on every titty photo think, and what would’ve been the point of that? So here’s Amy’s interview with Jim Norton because I just spent 90 minutes writing this, so it probably should be a multimedia experience of the mind. Plus titty photos. I mentioned the titty photos, right?

UPDATE: Tammy Pescatelli has already apologized to Amy Schumer for going “too far” and “too deep” and chalked the whole thing up to “parallel thinking.” So make of that what you will, which will probably be something like, “AMY SCHUMER PAID HER OFF WITH HER FAT MONEY!” You guys are always thinkin’.

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