Amy Poehler Bombed A Date With John Stamos

John Stamos is a beautiful, ageless possible-centaur who any man, woman, child, or beast would feel extremely self-concscious about dating. And Amy Poehler is no exception because here she is telling Howard Stern about the time she went out to dinner with Uncle Jesse shortly after divorcing Will Arnett and completely bombed that shit. Although, in Amy’s defense, and to break character for a second, I’ve purposefully done the same thing with women who were way more attractive than me and I had absolutely no business being on a date with in the first place because they’d probably cry if they saw me naked. Not that I’m saying John Stamos would cry if he saw Amy Poehler naked, but he is very, very handsome. It’d be like trying to fuck an angel. Via E! News:

Dating felt foreign to the newly single star. “It was new and weird. I hadn’t dated when there was texting. I got married in 2003 and all of a sudden I’m like, ‘Oh, right now you text somebody.’ That was new. There were times when I was out with guys and I was like, ‘Oh, I think I might be on a date, but I don’t know,” Poehler said. “I remember I was at dinner with John Stamos. I think if you just are around him you are…handsome men are really something else. First of all, they’re so handsome. And John is…”
“Ridiculously handsome?” Stern asked.
“I was at a restaurant. We were having dinner and I was like, ‘Oh, maybe this is a date!’ But I didn’t know,” Poehler recalled, noting that the Full House actor had asked her to dinner. “But I kinda blew it.”
Wait, really?! “I can’t believe I’m telling this story, but it’s Howard Stern, so there you go. We worked on a movie [They Came Together]. He did a little bit in a movie that I did and a bunch of us hung out. And then later on he’s like, ‘Let’s go get dinner. And it was fine,” said the former Saturday Night Live standout, who clarified that she “was separated” at the time. “I remember thinking like, ‘Oh, s–t. Like, if this is really a date…’ I think I was wearing a Leslie Knop top. I think I was wearing a shirt from work.”

But don’t worry, “everything ended up the way it was supposed to end up,” and Amy started dating Nick Kroll because being with someone less attractive than you is the key to happiness/owning them like a wingless bird you can crush between your fingers. Or you can let Ryan Reynolds knock you up. Whatever. It’s your life.

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