Amy Adams’ Boobs Won The ‘Arrival’ Premiere

When the the full Arrival trailer hit, we were like “Whoa, that looks awesome, but will Amy Adams’ boobs be amazing at the premiere, and will Jeremy Renner mug like an asshat the whole time?” Well, the day for those answers has…arrived (Not sorry) and those answers are “Dear God, yes, and Ha! He’s so uncomfortable around them!” So, that’s our take. We now go exclusively to the Trump Tower locker room for the average joe perspective.
“I’m telling you Billy, those cans are fantastic, probably the finest cans I’ve ever seen on a 7.”
*squee, snarf, giggle fit* “You really think so, boss?”
“Absolutely, and I would know because I lunge at the most luxurious breasts in the world. They can’t do anything about it, because they’re paralyzed with fear. It’s really fantastic.”
*chortle, wheeze, wipes tear* “Say, boss, you think we could get dressed, or at least put towels on now?”
“What’s the problem, Billy? We’re just two buck naked men standing here with our penises almost touching, and shooting the breeze about hot ta-tas. This is as American as avoiding taxes using horseshit carry forward losses.”

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Photo: Getty, Vantagenews / Xposure / AKM-GSI