God Loves Scotty McCreery More Than Lauren Alaina
And this is why I told Clay Aiken and Michael Westen not to make a baby.
It’s been a year since me and Lauren Alaina tried out now,” Scotty said in apparent disbelief. “We’ve been together since day one and we’re going to stay together. This is just – never in my wildest dreams … I got to thank the Lord first. He got me here.”
Of course, that sounds well and
narcissistically stupid good except, wait a minute, what’s this? The Lord also helped Lauren Alaina make it to the finals by healing her bruised vocal chord? What the fuck is going on up there?
“I knew somehow God would get me through it,” she said at a press conference afterward, writing her words, which were then read by McCreery, on a notepad.
ANGEL: Lord, Joplin, Missouri is about to be destroyed by tornadoes.
GOD: What the- Motherfucker, what part of I’m tryin’ to choose between Scotty and Lauren didn’t you understand?
ANGEL: Terribly sorry, Lord. Won’t happen again.
GOD: You’re damn right it won’t. Now shut the door ‘fore you freeze a nigga’s ass out.
(First person to tell me they don’t imagine God as Ordell Robbie is a liar.)