Amber Heard in FHM

October 28th, 2009 // 38 Comments

To make up for the one-two punch of Rosie’s camel-toe and Kate Gosselin, here’s Amber Heard in FHM. I know nothing short of a bunker full of porn and Everclear will help in this situation, but right now it’s occupied, so you’re stuck with Amber here. On that note, if I don’t update my Facebook page in a couple hours, send someone in after me who should be prepared to make my corpse look like I died punching a ninja. (Note: Not a reference toward my penis despite both possessing similar skill sets.)

Photos: FHM

  1. anon

    Her teeth are pretty messed up.

  2. claaa


  3. claaa


  4. havoc

    Ladies, take note.

    The clothing in photo #4 will get you laid in record time…..


  5. Hi I’m 12 years old and who is this.

  6. Oliver Chester The Molester Lester

    I heard dat!

  7. NASA Employee

    I’m no longer able to access this Website at work. Fight the power!

  8. WTF

    Another brain dead twat that thinks getting the Gettysburg Address tattooed on her side is just sooooooo cool. Spare me Fatima but my sister is hotter than you.

  9. Word

    4. havoc – October 28, 2009 5:32 PM

    Ladies, take note.

    No ladies visit this site. Only 10-16 year old boys.

  10. That was horrifying

    My eyes will never be the same after that camel toe rosie picture. I will require pain meds to sleep at night.

  11. Georgeo

    She should take off those pads before putting a football jersey over them.


  12. Mr.Mr.

    i honestly have no idea what movies shes been in. but shes okay to look at

  13. Fat Chicks Suck

    She looks really damn good now that she slimmed down a bit. She was getting slightly chubby (although still hot) but appears to have lost the weight and looks super hot.

  14. Lazarus "Bubba" Tubbs

    Amber Heard…??? Amber heard what? What the fuck do I care what Amber heard? Amber and I don’t have any secrets from one another.

  15. Harry

    World’s hottest Ayn Rand fan.

  16. WHYYYYY FISH!?!?

    *WHYYYYYYYY* would you tell me about Rosie’s cameltoe, Fish? Why? Is it because you hate me? Is it because you knew I’d be unable to stop the almost reflexive page-down action? Is it because my screams of horror and torment will soothe you to sleep tonight, you twisted madman?

    A loyal fan.

  17. The People Have Spoken

    This wonky eyed chick…
    loves her stockings.
    loves to arch her back.
    loves the wall – but is being coy it him.
    loves football jerseys and posing in awkward positions.
    loves to hold her tits.
    …and her hips.
    is in love with her shadow.
    …and her FHM cover.
    is scared of the light.
    loves to play dominatrix.
    and most of all still loves those awkward back bending positions with a football jersey on…

    Yawn…yaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwn. Wow that was a good yawn.

    So is anything here less boring to read about?

  18. JustJess

    Right on #9…

    God I’m so sick of looking at all the fat asses on this site.

    I need more Grace Park and her 70lbs self…stat!

  19. Meh

    That slack-jawed, glazed-over, dead-eyed facial expression is a real erection killer. Why do twats like this think it’s hot to look like a dumb corpse?

  20. Izzy of Kentucky


  21. spicycy

    i have definitely become immune to these posts. different girl, same positions same corsets and panties….. yawn, yawn yawwnnnnnnnnnn. men are SUCH suckers. like dogs, they trust their instincts–that is the instincts of their peen. they see this and start jizzing uncontrollably. its the same shit that was in last months issue, and maxims and so on and so forth. yawn.

    cant wait for the next post of so and so in maxim or FHM doing the same bending backward pose in mens underwear.

  22. Beautiful picture and she is looking very sexy, cant wait for her new horror films…

  23. clpierced

    she is pretty :) i like her dark eye makeup, but something is odd about her eyes..hmm. buttt, i hate high waist panties. wtf? do guys actually find this hot? i like my thongs too much :) and who is she?

  24. Amber Heard is the hottest women FHM has ever had… maybe even more if I saw her at The Blastoff Network

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  26. Rough intentions

    Never heard of Amber, and all I know is the asians have superior horror movies….

  27. ek

    If you think she’s fat, you need to go look at the Rosie’s sweaty camel toe again. Rosie is fat. This girl is not fat. No adult should be 70 lb. unless they’re 4’5″. She looks a little like Lindsey Lohan before LL started snorting her lunch.

  28. JustJess

    It’s called sarcasm #28

    U new here?

  29. ek

    Nope. It’s just Kanye caps don’t read well as sarcasm.

  30. JustJess

    Wow #30 – since I know retards have trouble with sarcasm – I’ll make it easier for you. I’ll put it in quotation marks just for you.

    “#30 – you really have so much to contribute to TS – glad you’re here – because we all really DO give a flying fuck what you think! – Thanks, ek! – Thanks for being so concerned about letting us all know how wrong it is to be 5’10″ and be 70 lbs., like Ms. Park. Thanks – you really taught me something there. Wow – true genius at #28. I mean who snorts their lunch – not anyone I know – haha!”

    See…that above was…oh, never mind.

  31. ek

    #31 Fail.

  32. I have to say that she is not that hot, but good try.

  33. DAISY??


    This is a complete photoshop job. You can tell it’s a fake because the shadows are all wrong.

    This is exactly like that scene in the movie Never Back Down where Baja was getting her picture taken by an albino Robin Williams and he bought Max an action figure to win him over.

  34. We shot the red carpet for The Joneses at TIFF and it’s amazing how different Amber looked there…like she was heading to Sunday school

  35. I certainly have become immune to these terms. Different girl, same situation as corsets and panties ….. Yawn, yawn yawwnnnnnnnnnn. Men are such suckers. Like dogs, they trust their instincts – that is they tend to peen. They begin to see and jizzing uncontrollably. In the past month points of their own shit, and maxims, and so on and so forth. Yawn.

  36. cc

    Speaking on behalf of heterosexual makes everywhere, I hate when this happens. There aren’t enough fish in the sea as it is. Don’t go over to the other team, please!

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