Amber Heard Will Hopefully Recolonize A New Civilization With Elon Musk

Amber Heard just went IG official with Elon Musk by posting this passively possessive “HE IS MINE” picture on Instagram. Musk is rebounding from a 2015 split with Talulah Riley, another actress that is very attractive and has nothing to do with saving the planet from ourselves. Riley was his rebound from his first wife, who called him out on being a misogynistic fuckboy.

The power couple (Nikola Tesla’s ghost just dapped me down for that) were at an event in Australia where Amber is currently filming an Aquaman movie that looks soooooooo shitty interesting and I can’t wait to see it to formulate an objective analysis. Elon Musk can probably teleport anywhere in the world (a technology he is so selfishly holding for himself) so it was not a big deal for him to get back to San Francisco in less than 15 minutes.

They’ve been spotted out and about for a while and we always got the feeling that they were banging atop expensive shit. When you have Musk-money, though… sex with a toaster could suffice as fulfilling when you know you’ll be riding shotgun on the SpaceX “Let’s-Get-The-Fuck-Outta-Here, Someone-Blew-Everything-Up” mission that might be coming in the next year or so.

elon musk

In trying to come up with some way to make fun of Elon Musk’s weird face, I found that there are a couple people on the internet who think he looks like a pasty Dr. Dre. I think he looks like Brad Pitt’s ugly brother… Neither are worthwhile burns.