So Those Texts From Johnny Depp’s Assistant Were Authenticated

Last week, Amber Heard provided Entertainment Tonight with text messages that were allegedly sent by Johnny Depp’s assistant begging her to take Depp back after an alleged beating in 2014. Unsurprisingly, Depp’s assistant claimed the texts were doctored, except now PEOPLE has documentation that reportedly proves they’re authentic and haven’t been altered:

PEOPLE has exclusively obtained a signed statement by a computer forensic consultant who says he authenticated the May 25, 2014, time stamp on the text exchange, and asserts that none of its contents had been altered.
“On Sunday, June 5, 2016, I was asked to examine iPhone backups of Amber Heard. It was her normal routine to sync her iPhone on the computer,” Kevin Cohen, the tech specialist, says in the signed document. “I forensically imaged and examined the device containing Ms. Heard’s iPhone backups, and I conclude that the backups are authentic.”

So what does any of this prove? That this exchange where Amber and Stephen Deuters discuss and acknowledge Johnny Depp’s history of abuse almost definitely happened:

Stephen allegedly reiterates that the man purported to be Depp has no recollection of the events that occurred. “He was appalled,” Stephen writes. “When I told him he kicked you, he cried. It was disgusting. And he knows it.”
“He’s a little lost boy. And needs all the help he can get,” Stephen allegedly continues. “He is so very sorry, as he should be.”
Heard responds, “He’s done this many times before. Tokyo, the island, London (remember that?!), and I always stay. Always believe he’s going to get better… And then every 3 or so month [sic], I’m in the exact same position.”

Of course, this will mean nothing because we’re still locked in an uphill battle where an alarming amount of people would much rather believe a woman fabricated a vast paper trail documenting years of abuse instead of entertain the possibility that an aging actor surrounded by sycophants and yes-men acts like a violent prick when he gets routinely fucked up. Then again, according to yesterday’s comments, that’s just me being a secret woman who hates straight white men because it’s cool. Which are other theories assholes would rather come up with instead of considering maybe Jack Sparrow is a dick. It’s definitely secret vaginas and plots to destroy the white man. You nailed it.

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