Amber Heard Released Text Messages, Which She Also Has

Right after I published last night’s post asking how the hell Johnny Depp isn’t completely fucked after the relentless amount of documentation Amber Heard is sitting on, I somehow knew there’d be another piece of shit to hit the fan not even five seconds later. And sure enough, Amber has released text messages from 2014 – way before they were married – that are allegedly from Johnny Depp’s assistant Stephen Deuters who was apologizing to her for an alleged attack. And in case you missed that, Johnny Depp has his assistant apologize for him after he’s allegedly beaten a woman. Cool guy. Entertainment Tonight reports:

The text exchange, which the source says is from May 2014, begins with a message from “Stephen” who is apologizing on behalf of a man, purportedly to be Depp. “Think he’s just texted you. He’s incredibly apologetic and knows that he has done wrong,” Stephen’s alleged text reads. “He wants to get better now. He’s been very explicit about that this morning. Feel like we’re at a critical juncture.”
The recipient of the text, which ET’s source says is Heard, responds, “Yes but I don’t know how to be around him after what he did to me yesterday. I don’t know if I can stay with him.”
Stephen purportedly answers, “He wants to see you so much. He’s distraught.”
Heard texts back, “Obviously he has no idea what he did or the extent that he did it. If someone was truly honest with him about how bad it really was, he’d be appalled.”
“I’m sad that he doesn’t have a better way to really know the severity of his actions yesterday,” she continues. “Unfortunately for me, I remember in full detail everything that happened.”

Turns out Johnny Depp was so blasted he had no idea what he’d allegedly done, but fortunately he has people around him to say he’s like a “little lost boy” and everything will be all better. That’s probably helping:

Stephen allegedly reiterates that the man purported to be Depp has no recollection of the events that occurred. “He was appalled,” Stephen writes. “When I told him he kicked you, he cried. It was disgusting. And he knows it.”
“He’s a little lost boy. And needs all the help he can get,” Stephen allegedly continues. “He is so very sorry, as he should be.”
Heard responds, “He’s done this many times before. Tokyo, the island, London (remember that?!), and I always stay. Always believe he’s going to get better…And then every 3 or so month [sic], I’m in the exact same position.”

And now for the part where you guys put your hands on your hips and go, “Man, I’m tired of seeing these things tried in the court of public opinion.” It’s an honor to witness such feat of manliness. Like watching God carve a mountain with his dick if the point of that mountain is to make it even more difficult for women to come forward about domestic abuse. Way to go, Team Manballs.

UPDATE: Depp’s assistant claims the texts are doctored and look suspicious because “they don’t even show the date.” And if you know anything about iPhones, you’re laughing your ass off right now. (Individual texts aren’t dated. Whoops.)

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