Amber Heard & Johnny Depp In The Divorce That Never Fucking Ends

Last week, Amber Heard burned the shit out of Johnny Depp and her detractors by pledging her entire $7 million divorce settlement to charity. There were statements and everything, which should’ve been the end of this God forsaken ordeal. All Johnny Depp had to do was cut Amber a check, and we’d never hear about this again.

Johnny Depp did not cut Amber a check.

Instead, he decided, “Hey, why don’t I just give the money to charity, but I dunno, maybe in yearly installments, eh?” and all fucking hell broke lose. Variety reports:

“However, if Johnny wishes to change the settlement agreement, we must insist that he honor the full amount by donating $14M to charity, which, after accounting for his tax deduction, is equal to his $7M payment obligation to Amber. We would also insist that the full amount be paid immediately and not drawn out over many years.
“Anything less would be a transparent attempt by Johnny’s counsel, Laura Wasser and Patti Glaser, to reduce their client’s true payment by half under the guise of newfound concern for charities that he has never previously supported.”

So let’s shut down the two conclusions that are going to be jumped to here:

1. The bitch wanted the tax credit for herself! Probably. But she’s willing to let it all go if Johnny Depp donates another $14 million to charity, so she wasn’t too attached to it. And at the end of the day, a shit load of money still goes to charity instead of Amber Heard’s gold bucket like everyone thought.

2. The cunt’s trying to get more money! What? How? Everything is going to charity with public statements already made to that effect. Only two things are going to happen here: She gets the $7 million she’s legally owed and donates it to charity earning a sweet write-off, or Johnny Depp donates $14 million to charity, and oh well, no write-off. Nowhere in that equation does Amber get more than what was agreed upon in the settlement.

That being said, it sounds a hell of a lot like Amber Heard’s main concern is making sure Johnny Depp specifically loses exactly $7 million and not a penny less, which whatever. I don’t even care anymore. Now I get why some of you are still pissy after your divorces, so feel free to channel that into hate-filled internet comments like you were going to anyway. It’s your dime.

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