Official ‘The Amazing Spider-Man’ Trailer Officially Missing All That Gay Sex

“We’re you lookin’ at my bum? Cheeky monkey…”

Sony just released the “official” trailer for The Amazing Spider-Man (after the jump) starring Andrew Garfield which they’re touting as the untold story of Spider-man even though it’s basically the same exact story about a kid getting bit by a radioactive spider only this time through a 3D kaleidoscope of gay porn and track shoes. Which, fun fact, is how Stan Lee always intended to tell Peter Parker’s tale except the 60s weren’t quite ready for it yet because everyone was insane from syphilis and having sex with minorities. It was a strange time. Anyway, I’m actually making an effort not to get excited about this one because it looks way better than the Sam Raimi versions and actually features a Spider-man that doesn’t look like a doughy Power Ranger with an emotionless face you want to repeatedly punch until the demons go away. Although, keep in mind this is coming from a man who if you asked him to draw what a vagina looks like, he’d hand you something that roughly resembles a cartoon octopus with an eye patch.

Photos: Splash News