Official ‘The Amazing Spider-Man’ Trailer Officially Missing All That Gay Sex

February 7th, 2012 // 20 Comments

“We’re you lookin’ at my bum? Cheeky monkey…”

Sony just released the “official” trailer for The Amazing Spider-Man (after the jump) starring Andrew Garfield which they’re touting as the untold story of Spider-man even though it’s basically the same exact story about a kid getting bit by a radioactive spider only this time through a 3D kaleidoscope of gay porn and track shoes. Which, fun fact, is how Stan Lee always intended to tell Peter Parker’s tale except the 60s weren’t quite ready for it yet because everyone was insane from syphilis and having sex with minorities. It was a strange time. Anyway, I’m actually making an effort not to get excited about this one because it looks way better than the Sam Raimi versions and actually features a Spider-man that doesn’t look like a doughy Power Ranger with an emotionless face you want to repeatedly punch until the demons go away. Although, keep in mind this is coming from a man who if you asked him to draw what a vagina looks like, he’d hand you something that roughly resembles a cartoon octopus with an eye patch.

Photos: Splash News


  1. forrest gump

    boy’s must watch this trailer & put meanwhile a bananana in eachother’s ANUS.

  2. FattyFatty2X4

    Another F-ing Englishman playing our American super heroes.
    What does Hollywood have against straight, white, American men??
    Fish, explain!!

  3. EricLr

    I’m just waiting for them to make a Spiderman movie that doesn’t make me long for the days of that godawful 70′s Spiderman with Nicholas Hammond. I never would have thought that 30 years later no one would have topped that crapfest.

  4. I know it’s more practical for a human spider to shoot webs out of his wrists, but in the interest of authenticity, shouldn’t he be webbing his way around town from strands of webs shooting out of his ass?

    Wait, that is gay.

  5. Timmy

    Oh my god I love this! Are you kidding me? Andrew Garfiled is a God! I’m in love with Spider Man now.

  6. Stryfe

    Lizard remains a boring villain that looks like the Goombas from the Super Mario Bros. movie.

  7. sc4play

    Yeah — cartoon octopus with an eye patch!

  8. Andrew Garfield Spider-Man Set Photos
    Commented on this photo:

    “And here Spidey is wearing a fabulous lyrca armor ensemble. This catsuit spins a web of style that will catch many glances from men and women alike. You go, girl!”

  9. Andrew Garfield Spider-Man Set Photos
    Commented on this photo:

    No joke…this looks pimp.

  10. DngnRdr

    The “untold” part as far as I know is because they’re including the parents story (who’ve never really been covered in previous movies and I believe were retconed into the comics.)

  11. Brooke

    This actually looks better than I thought it would. And Fish, you’ve been cracking me up today.

  12. kara

    “we’re”? that doesn’t make sense in that sentence in british or american english

  13. Motorboat Captain

    Feels like I’m wearin’ nothin’ at all! nothin’ at all! nothin’ at all!

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