Amanda Seyfried & Thomas Sadoski Secretly Got Married

“Oh, no, she’s just turning away so she can see you better.”
“Nope, I’m looking at a dead deer.”
“Or that. Haha! Isn’t she grand?”

Leaked photos of Amanda Seyfried doing sex stuff with her ex-boyfriend Justin Long are blowing up the internet right now, so I was about to say whoever’s publicist thought it’d be an awesome idea to announce that she secretly married Thomas Sadoski should probably be fired because guess what’s going to be mentioned in every single article along with that? (See: The beginning of that thing calling itself a sentence.) But then I found out whose dumb ass told everybody. Via PEOPLE:

“We eloped. We just took off into the country with an officiant and, just the two of us, and we did our thing,” Sadoski, 40, revealed during a Thursday appearance on The Late Late Show with James Corden.

Wow. Jesus Christ. Keep in mind, this dude cheated on his first wife with Amanda Seyfried, so he’s really batting a thousand here because that’s going to be mentioned in every single article, too. He’s a helper.

“Thomas, dear, could you take the trash out?”
“Do I have to?”
“Remember how our marriage announcements had your first wife’s name and Justin Long’s penis in them?”
“Goddammit…”

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Photo: Getty