Amanda Bynes Won’t Talk To Jennie Garth
Jennie Garth pretended to be Amanda Bynes’ sister on TV, so right off the bat that qualifies her to help what’s starting to look more and more like a schizophrenic attempting to self-medicate by turning moving vehicles into bongs on wheels. In fact, I’m amazed somebody didn’t call Jennie Garth sooner, she’s practically a doctor in this situation. Via Us Magazine:
“I tried reaching out to her and I haven’t been able to reach her,” said Garth, a single mother of three. “My heart feels for whatever she is going through and I love her dearly.”
Granted, I probably shouldn’t make fun of Jennie Garth for genuinely trying to help, but you almost have to marvel at the human ego because it literally can make you believe that your voice is the one that will cause a person’s brain to suddenly stop scrambling itself. Which is why I never try to help in these situations, and also because my ego tells me I’m too handsome and will just end up making medical science lazy. “Can’t we just have the sexy man do it?” it’ll say instead of running those tests then – BOOM! – we’re all dead in a landfill because Gwyneth Paltrow shook hands with a chef in Japan. I’d never be able to live with myself.