Alright. Who Ordered the Cher Nipples?

December 10th, 2010 // 61 Comments

Presumably as punishment for allowing Snooki to become the harbinger of the new year, the Good Lord saw fit to smite us with the appearance of Cher‘s nipples at the Madrid premiere of Burlesque yesterday. Making it even more Biblical, this has to be all kinds of confusing to gay men. On the one hand, it’s Cher. On the other, “girl nipples, gross.” For us straighties, this would be like seeing the face of Jesus, only to find out he’s into Amway. Oh, God, I can’t even think about it…

On that note, I added pics of Christina Aguilera and Kristen Bell because I suck at apologies. I honestly don’t know why I thought those would help.

NOTE: Some pics are a tad risque, so just don’t let your boss start squinting at your monitor. Tackle him, if need be.

Photos: Getty, Splash News


  1. Excuse me, I got my Cher nipples, but where is my side of Cher camel toe?

  2. Cher Nipples
    Commented on this photo:


  3. Cher Nipples
    Commented on this photo:

    Eh, I don’t know. Bell’s cute enough.

  4. boing

    you cant unsee grandmas boobs.

  5. If I could turn back time…

    …30 years.

  6. fester

    Ack! It’s like catching a glimpse of Grandma getting out of the shower!

  7. kj

    Eh, could be worse. And anyway, what are the odds they’re real? I mean, when they replaced the thorax of the previous model (I think it was the T-1000), I assume it came with new nipples?

    Oh, and Jesus would DEFINITELY had been into Amway.

  8. McFeely Smackup

    NOW I understand why Chastity had a sex change…

  9. Hulk Hogan


    That’s my daughter Brooke hangin’ out with Cher.

    Last week I carried Brooke around her apartment. It didn’t turn out so well. Remember Wrestlemania III when I tried to bodyslam Andre the Giant 10 seconds into the match? Yeah, that.

  10. fester

    I just talked to my orangutan friend and he informs me that in his circle the boobs resting on paunch look is considered HOT.

  11. dead peter

    Does anyone actually believe Cher has nipples? Her plastic surgeon probably hooked her up with a couple GPS trackers in case her face starts to slide off again.

  12. Slapkatyperry


  13. Foxhunter

    Jesus, Fish. That’s not Cher. That is obviously Kat Von D.


  14. Cher Nipples
    Commented on this photo:

    Theres more plastic there than a billionaire’s wallet.

  15. Elle

    these comments are chock full of win

  16. McFeely Smackup

    So yet again, we have an aging skank desperate to show she’s still sexy, and proving that she isn’t.

  17. Mary Exmass

    Wait.. The nipples… They’ve migrated. So wrong, in so many ways.

  18. Cher Nipples
    Commented on this photo:

    You know who you shouldn’t stand next to when you’re fat? Cher.

  19. Richard McBeef

    I ordered the Cher nipples in 1978… They just showed up now? I am pretty sure they expired 20 years ago.

  20. taz

    Now we know what kim khardashian wll look like in the future–just with a big giant ass

  21. Babes in rough land

    I do see a pattern with Cher. Ever 20 years she bares a body part (Ex. Ass cheeks in sailor video) So hopefully I’m around the next 20 years, so I can witness mass suicide. Some section of our population do take these things too seriously..

  22. jojo

    The belly holds up those dried up fun bags just nicely thank you very much. Now to cough up my last three meals.

  23. *sicks down front* Ah what the hell Fish ?!?

  24. Cock Dr

    Considering her age……..those boobs look pretty damn good.
    She has the classic frozen face look of a habitual plastic surgery/Botox junkie. This is now becoming the new face of “beauty” in the 3rd millenium.

  25. I ordered the boobs for my archeology project.

  26. who knew the Grim Reaper was a woman?

  27. Cher Nipples
    Baron Bleeke
    Commented on this photo:

    she looks just like her wax mannequin.

    just with more artificial parts.

  28. DKNY

    I was hoping to see Kristen Bell nips. We definitely need some of those.

  29. Cher Nipples
    Commented on this photo:


  30. GravyLeg

    The scary thing is Cher is still twice as “doable” as Madonna…. Cher must get fresher Virgins blood….

  31. testington

    At least Kristen Bell still looks hot with her tight little body, whe is she gunna wear a bikkini again? Soooo hot in Forgetting Sarah Marshall.

    The sentient wax figure looks ok, just keep her away from open flames.

  32. She’s got Kim K. big hair and Tara Reid serrated edged nipples.

  33. Ed

    Nipples = attention. LOOK AT ME! LOOOOOK AT MEEEEE!

  34. See Alice

    Gawd, Cher looks like she has been embalmed .

  35. fester

    I confess I’d let her blow me if she takes her teeth out…

  36. rican

    Go Granny Cher GILF!!

  37. Cher Nipples
    timmy the dying boy
    Commented on this photo:

    Everybody takes on that expression when they have to pose with Grandma.

  38. Cher Nipples
    Nudge nudge wink wink
    Commented on this photo:

    I’d ring ‘er.

  39. Xenobia4

    I’m sorry, but she’s 64 and still sexy as hell. Everyone that bashes her is gonna be bitchin’ and cryin’ their eyes out when they’re ass is saggin’ to the floor. She’s in the gym for five hours a day – she has a right to show it off. The here’s the deal, people: NO MORE WATCHING VH1 OR MTV IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THIS.

  40. Ash Bones

    Eh, why not

  41. wim

    well, LET ME VOLYNTEER!!

  42. wim

    well, LET ME VOLUNTEER, folks!!

  43. Cher Nipples
    Commented on this photo:

    I still think Christina looks like she’s expecting, something about her face. Not just the weight gain (she still has a good figure though)

  44. Blech

    Am I the only one who doesn’t think Cher looks terrible?

    She’s far more interesting and intelligent than those whiny bitches, Jenn Aniston and Chelsea Handler.

  45. ghost

    She looks pretty good for a 107 year old.

  46. Cher Nipples
    Commented on this photo:

    You go girl….those that criticize are just jealous…she looks awesome….I’m so glad she could care less about what others say….

  47. Cher Nipples
    Anita Bonghit
    Commented on this photo:

    They both have similar bodies dumb ass

  48. she is so classy


  49. Cher Nipples
    she is so classy
    Commented on this photo:

    she dont look sexy, she look sexagenary

  50. Cher Nipples
    who me
    Commented on this photo:

    Cher looks great and her nipples

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