Almost a GOOP-nip and other news

- Ashlee Simpson rubs it in that she’s skinnier than a mentally handicapped woman. Classy. [Lainey Gossip]

- Tom Cruise’s Esquire interview is as full of shit as you imagined. [Dlisted]

- Rick Astley is literally contemplating a comeback. [PopEater]

- Lindsay Lohan can still get away with snorting Adderall. In your face, legal system! [Huffington Post]

- I lost consciousness after “blows.” [HollywoodTuna]

- Jennifer Love Hewitt and the art of illusion. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

- Candice Swanepoel should replace Megan Fox in something next. [Popoholic]

- Madonna might replace Simon Cowell? [The Fab Life]

- Holly Madison is now one step closer to having a self-manufactured sex tape scandal. [StarPulse]

- But in the meantime, Kendra Wilkinson was paid $680,000 upfront for hers. [Celebslam]

- Kirsten Dunst continues showing up at places. I blame global warming. [Just Jared]

- Sarah Jessica Parker and those old chicks are back to fulfill all your stereotypes about women. Haha, they love shoes! [PopSugar]

- Miley Cyrus ain’t goin’ to no college. They done teach the evolutions there! [The Blemish]

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Photos: Splash News, WENN