‘Alien: Covenant’ Has A Trailer, Too

Since we’re never getting an original concept for a blockbuster film ever again, here’s the latest trailer for Alien: Covenant, the movie where a human crew is going to get picked off one by one until the star is the only one left and we do this all over again in five years. You’ll be shocked to see things in this trailer like naively optimistic speeches about what’s going to happen on the expedition, huge weapons that have never been useful in any of these films, and exotic vagina plants that kill you after tricking you into touching them. Which now that I think about it, is a great metaphor for how they market this repackaged bullshit over and over again.

“Research says they like it when the aliens kill everyone, so make the aliens kill everyone.”
“But isn’t that just the same movie?”
“Hmm, you’re right. What if we make this one about couples, and they think they’re going to see a boob before the aliens kill everyone?”
“I love it. Cocaine smoothie? I’m having a cocaine smoothie. You want one? Yeah, go fuck yourself, you want one.”

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Photo: 20th Century Fox/YouTube