Alicia Keys makes pianos sexy

December 5th, 2007 // 109 Comments

Alicia Keys attended the 54th ONDA Awards in Barcelona, Spain. I have no idea what any of that means, but I’m sure it’s a fancy way of saying “watch the hot chick play the piano.” Does anyone think there’s something odd about the crotch of her pants? It’s almost like her vagina is trying to eat her clothes. Can they do that? If so, has NASA perfected the chain-mail condom yet? All they had to do was follow the blueprints I drew in pencil on a wet bar napkin. How hard is that?

Photos: INFdaily.com
superficial

  1. First!! bitches!!

  2. sarah

    camel toe anyone?

  3. bone thattio

    mmm, a crotch the bites back – that could be fun.

  4. veggi

    lmao@her gut hanging out in the piano picture. She can suck it in during the photo sessions, but the rip cord has to be pulled while she sings. Weirdly shaped ass, too – must be lots of girdling going on under there…

  5. bone thattio

    mmm, a crotch the bites back – that could be fun.

  6. biggest

    her ass is colossal.

  7. Camel pie more like it

  8. Beth

    Looks more like a yeast patch to me. Time to switch to an outfit that breathes.

  9. Riotboy

    She has some thick legs which I love.

    /oh yeah!

  10. In the head-on shot, it looks more like a protective nut-cup that (male) athletes wear during sports. Hey veggi, do lesbians wear cups?

  11. cmc

    If she keeps wearing those britches, she’ll need the monostat 1 day!

  12. D. Richards (Bastard.)

    Check that shit out! Alicia’s obviously tucking her gigantic black cock. I always new Keys was a boy-girl. I wasn’t sure even after viewing a video of Alicia fucking her own asshole. But now I know. The girl’s got a fabulous prick, ya’ll..

  13. deanna

    Alicia Keys is beautiful, so why does it seem everyone is bashing on her? I’m not one to give props to ppl who are overweight (just ask anyone i know) but this girl is healthy, yes a little bit of meat on her bones, but look at her! There’s only one explaination as why anyone would have something negative to say about this woman – some ppl feel like crap about the way their appearances are and you know what they need to do? Bash on other ppl to feel better about themselves. GROW UP

  14. shes the most talented music artist out there

  15. how do i know you're a child?

    you write “GROW UP”

  16. i’d tap it on her forehead. she can look good at times, but the huge legs kill it for me, regardless of what she’s wearing.

  17. She is beautiful AND talented AND real. In ten years from now, when Lindsay, Paris, and Britney are in the corner puking up drugs and semen, Alicia will be ascending even higher in her career!

  18. yeah...riiiiiiight...

    “…AND real.” except for the tiny thing about being lesbian but living as if she were straight. Other than that minor detail, yeah, very real.

  19. Vince

    Play the piano? She looks like she could lift one.

  20. Tapeworm

    @cowgirl said: “In ten years from now, when Lindsay, Paris, and Britney are in the corner puking up drugs and semen…”

    What do you mean “in ten years” — those little whores are doing that now!

  21. itstoribitches

    F*** Alicia Keys…. Tori Amos is the only TRUE woman playing the paino. Have you ever seen her perform?!?!?!?! Holy god…. the woman makes every man (and some women too) wish they were a piano bench and/or a microphone. Alicia Keys is LAME. Nice camel toe… I think she’s smuggling some hashish in that giant cooch.

  22. 19–How can you live as if you were straight and be a lesbian? You can’t munch carpet and suck dick can you? Or can you…..?
    Now, for marketing reasons. I can see someone portraying themselves as straight for the “superficial” public.

  23. spellchecker

    “real” = “fat”

    E.g., “Real [fat] women have curves!” or “She’s real[ly putting on weight]!”

  24. yeah...riiiiiiight...

    Oooohhhhh, my mistake. If you live a lie to earn money, that’s still real. Got it.

  25. Chauncy Gardner

    Alicia Keys is definitely hot. I just get this completely-out-of-her-mind-mulatto-chick vibe from her, like Halle Berry. Except, Alicia is talented where Halle isn’t.

  26. p911gt10c

    Alicia’s the total package. Anybody see her Smokin Aces? Fuckin hot!

    Oh, #1 and 2, you’re both losers.

  27. I see the W

    Titless and now ass less, the only way I would pay to see her is if she would shove that mic up her crotch and puked it out. Now that’s talent bitchess…

  28. @23 Hey Cowgirl, I think you can do both. It is called Bisexual.

  29. my angel, it is said that you have hot video at interracialconnect.com. It is a niche interracial dating site with free trails and active profiles. You had a profile there, right? I will check and email u there. lol

  30. my angel, it is said that you have hot video at interracialconnect.com. It is a niche interracial dating site with free trails and active profiles. You had a profile there, right? I will check and email u there. lol

  31. my angel, it is said that you have hot video at interracialconnect.com. It is a niche interracial dating site with free trails and active profiles. You had a profile there, right? I will check and email u there. lol

  32. RENEE...

    She doesn’t look as good as she thinks she does. Oh, and nice camel toe idiot! (what woman wears tight white knit pants?!)

  33. @34, What is wrong with a little camel toe? It looks good on her..

  34. At Jimbo, true– bisexuals can do both. But the sexual orientation in question was whether or not she was a lesbian. As far as I know, lesbians are carpet only?

  35. my angel, it is said that you have hot video at interracialconnect.com. It is a niche interracial dating site with free trails and active profiles. You had a profile there, right? I will check and email u there. lol

  36. @36 Cowgirl. You are correct. As fr as I know lesbians only munch carpet. Does that make me a lesbian??

  37. She’s cute, but not hot, she looks way better in these pictures than she does in reality or video/TV.
    And BTW, she’s fat.

  38. yeah...riiiiiiight

    #26 – oh no, you unmasked me as a lesbian! (you think) I better run and hide! Wait, I’m not Alicia Keys. I don’t give a fuck what you think.

  39. Hey 40, its okay if you’re a lesbian. Lord knows women are probably better at relationships than men–fuck ‘em! (or not?)
    Hey Jimbo–It’s fine by me if you wanna munch carpet!

  40. @41 Cool, then I am a lesbian too..

  41. Laughing God

    Pretty sure those are vibrating panties. Insert a vibrator and pull the panties up. RC WFT!!!

  42. Laughing God

    Pretty sure those are vibrating panties. Insert a vibrator and pull the panties up. RC FTW!!!

  43. AsianLover

    Sexy, beautiful and talented…what more can you ask for? Love Alicia Keys!!!

  44. makemepuke

    Alicia is so beautiful when she keeps her lady curves down a notch and gets into some serious exercise groove she is also a musical prodigy and for those of you who do not know what that means it fuckin means she is a genius ya’ll ..don;t believe me …watch her live video, check it out.

    I hope to GOD (figure of speech) that she is not a lesbian, not that I have anything against lesbians, but the thought of me and her is too sweet, second thought, the thought of me and her and Halle Berry is even sweeter.

    Smile ya’ll

  45. meee

    i love her new song “no one”.

    does anyone else get the vibe these days that she’s gay?

  46. blehhhhchk,gross,puke

    This skank sings like a dying pig, piano playing is mediocre for a pro, fat legs, sagging gut, nasty face. OH yeah! Hot like an over heating radiator. Halle Berry is sub-standard as well.
    Nordic chicks are where it’s at! Ask Tiger Woods. He is hideous and has the money to afford one. I am $ure $he really love$ him a$ well.

  47. croatiansensation

    she looks like she’s lost quite a bit of weight from previous pics….could have had some scultping in the chin and neck.

  48. croatiansensation

    she looks like she’s lost quite a bit of weight from previous pics….could have had some scultping in the chin and neck.

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