Alicia Keys in a bikini

December 20th, 2008 // 123 Comments

You’d think bikini pictures of Alicia Keys would be all kinds of crazy hot with maybe some sexy piano-playing thrown in for good measure. Turns out you, and most importantly me, would be horribly mistaken. Here’s Alicia at a hotel pool in Australia just chowing down, checking her Blackberry and generally being the exact opposite of erotic. I mean, would it kill her to do some sort of seductive musical number. Christ, there’s even a fork and some water glasses right next to her. Regale me, dammit!

Photos: Flynet
superficial

  1. Ok #100 that was just plain offensive. Im never onery, but I may be “ornery,” at times.

  2. OMG! WTF!

    “Please keep your comments relevant to the post. Inappropriate or promotional comments may be removed.”

    Superficial needs to get their lazy @zz sh*t together and actually just change that to “WON’T” be removed. The same pathetic racists blathering the same lame stereotype nonsense their black p*ssy craving grandpappies was spewing decades ago & the dumb @ss “personals site” promos should be cleaned up. That crap totally takes away from the smart@zz commentary about these goof @zz celebrities that we come here for in the 1st place. If I wanted to read some childish bullsh*t when I’m coping my gossip, I’d be on P. Hilton’s site. Damn you Superficial for letting this sh*t get outta control….

  3. SueMe's Trainer (speciman # 7654F - Berkley Primate Center)

    Dear SueMe, forgive me for the typo. We are very busy with all the apes here at the primate house what with all the feces throwing and rapping and hip hopping etc.
    Mike Tyson, Mike Vick, Plaxico Burress, etc. Primitive characters with no mental skills at all and tons of money thrown and them. Did anyone expect them to have the intelligence to behave properly? People like myself – the so-called bigots who haven’t changed since their grandpa’s days – could have told you so ages ago.
    The black man never left Africa to evolve. This is a true statement. He ended up over here in America and his body was bred for hard work. Of course he will end up athletic. It has nothing to do with negroid physical dominance.

    Imagine what the Germans could have done with eugenics? Not only physically strong humans, but intelligent and healthy as well.

    And for you dumbasses that come here and are offended:
    Why are you here? All of this is dark humor! Not matter how rotten and misogynistic and racist and otherwise vulgar it is all in the spirit of the site. Get over it and bring it on with some good ole fashion hate. I for one am mostly not serious and go for the rotten nonsense to purposely offend people to get a response.

    It’s that easy.

    Merry Christmas SueMe! Love you!

  4. ipa

    hey, #103:

    “I for one am mostly not serious and go for the rotten nonsense to purposely offend people to get a response. ”

    how old are you? twelve? or tremendously pathetic……. you chose!

  5. #103 I accept your apology, and know how zoo animals can get sometimes since they’re in my family and all according to you. Im here for the fun of it all too, and I think I may have been going through a PMS situation yesterday so forgive me on that. You have a Merry Christmas too.

    P.S. How serious are you really about your last post? Do you have black friends that should probably never find out who you are?

    P.S.S. I don’t really care too much about racist comments, and we all know that they will be here to stay for a long while from every race and both genders.

    Lets enjoy the holiday with the best holiday spirit and share some champaign.

  6. SueMe's Kind Animal Trainer

    I have had plenty of black friends in my life. NO, I would not say any of those things to them in person of couse not. The beauty of anomynity is that you can be any character you want and say all manner of mad things to get a rise out of people. I baited you with poison and you took it. You are intelligent and kind hearted though and for me and others here obviously it is all in good/bad fun.
    By the way, I sometimes pretend to be black and dis the white man so it is indeed for me at least just a dirty game! Come on it’s fun to work humans up. They really do act like chimpanzees all of us clearly revealing our simian ancestry. We are indeed all descended from apes. As one black girl once said here I am a snow ape! Ha ha ha ha.

    You have the merriest Christmas ever! We are going to need it in this dying country.

  7. Darkest Secret

    What is this really about!!! How can a picture of a beautiful half-breed woman create this much tension? Hell a half-breed is going to run the country pretty soon and there is no stopping it.

  8. Wow! Mr. Trainer I wasn’t expecting any of this, and I commend you for being honest. Thank you for the compliments by the way, and they were very nice things to say. I feel that you too are very intelligent, and I figured you had a nice side to you. Im glad that you don’t discriminate who your friends are, because you have more fun when the people you hang out with are of diverse backgrounds. Many people, both black and white, have been on the net calling each other names, but you’re the first person to admit that we are all descedants of apes. Im glad to know that it’s just a game for you as it is most of the time for me. I didn’t mean to get all butt hurt, and what can I say you got me good. I will try to stay away from the bait from now on, but now I know what kind of person you are so if you want to keep dissing you better change your name. I know you love me, and all the people of the world. Well…at least I know I do. Now I must give you some cool points for being mature about this whole ordeal.

    You too have a Merry Christmas, and a happy New Year.

    P.S. You love me…I know (tearing up), but no really you would really like me if you met me in person.

  9. There is no more tension “Dark Secret,” we have come to terms my trainer and I you see. Just look at my last post to him/her above. We are cool, and are both in the holiday spirit. I hope I don’t regret it, because it’ll be like one of those highschool things where someone is your friend behind closed doors, but diss you in the hallways out by the lockers. Not saying this has ever happened to me, but just saying. It’s all in good humor, and I took the bait. I usually don’t do that. Halfbreeds are pretty btw just like full blooded people. Hey if there is anything you all should know about me…it’s that Im a little different in a special kind of way. You’ll rarely see me taking the bait, but from now on me taking the bait will be virtually inexistent.

  10. Damn it “inexistent,” isn’t a word is it. I guess I meant nonexistent. Now I can’t call anyone of typos or misspellings anymore can I. Oh well…no one’s perfect.

  11. Bad Monkey

    I read somewhere that perhaps when men and dogs joined forces it was a symbiosis from which we have learned much from. Dogs run rather efficient society and are certainly useful and loyal, etc. They seemed clever with distinct personalities. We treat them as humans. Well, some of us do. Animal lovers, tree hugger being the worst. Maybe intrinsically “nature oriented”, agricultural, whatever make good trainers as they communicate together. They learned to know each other and anticipate reponses or certainly use psychology on the other to get what they want! Dogs certainly do! Cats too of course! Etc.

    Me have always fought each other and as the world has run out of room for population expansion we will be compelled to again. And again. Perhaps laws of nature. Mountains, rivers, icebergs and glaciers all ebb and flow. Moons, suns. I guess the aliens are fighting somewhere out there. I guess being cruel is part of the hunter’s mental fibers. Agression must be primordially linked to humor. Stress relief. The Apeman laughs? My dog messes with me and smiles!

    We like ridiculous situations. Silliness is a play on the monotonous theme of regularity. The unexpected rouses us up. My dog knows this and I know my dog well and she even mocks me. We certainly mock our fellow humans. And the dog seems bright enough to realize this. I wonder how smart they are?

    I have always wondered what goes through the mind of an elephant. They certainly didn’t get a good break recently. Does anyone else cringe when they watch circus elephants forced to entertain us. Zoo slaves. Well, I am not sure what kind of zoo a traveling circus would be. I am not sure if living at the zoo even would be anything like living as they were long ago when the world was not sold as an economic commodity. Mountains as minerals and metals and wood and coal. Those will be plundered soon and then what will we do in 100 years? 1000 years? 10 years or even next year. Mother Earth was replaced with the god of stewardship. Ours for the plunder. Money and gold and mansions like palaces. 200 300 400 maybe 500 foot trees centuries and millenia old are mostly gone and at a swift pace the last hundred years. I wonder what a newly discovered continent would look like in 10 years?

    And to think that all those animals will eventually no longer have homes and there will be billions more of us all over the place. I wonder what food will cost then or next year?

    We seem to certainly seem to live in more vulgar an mean-spirited times. Hateful chimpanzee cousins of sorts. I bet we are emotionally not much more evolved. Our great intelligence, (well not ours of course) but of us overall and are we where we should be? We will certainly kill en masse as necessary.

    I kinda feel sorry for these rich fucks for having the paparazzi following them. All the dirty details that really aren’t our business and don’t we have something better to do? But it’s fun though aint it?!!!! Nasty chattering monkey grandchildren!

    Sue, don’t take anything here seriously it’s sort of like verbal darts in the dark.
    I would never say anything like that to anyone nor would most people. It’s all ugly fun laced with preconception and prejudice and prehistoric (caveman like) prattle.

  12. Chad

    I want to fuck her ass…..really realy slooooow……

  13. andres

    i want to sodomize her

  14. Well thanks for the info. and the advice Bad M. I usually don’t take any of these comments too seriously, and am generally a light hearted person. I do appreciate your support, and I’ve always felt that most human beings are good people. It’s just that sometimes we get a little naughty. Sometimes I also feel sorry for the celebs, but they should know by now that it’s a part of the lifestyle that they chose. It only get’s really bad when celebs are in danger just because some stupo pap wants to get that money shot.

  15. meee

    anyone else think she’s gay?

    have you EVER seen her with a guy? have you ever heard of her having a boyfriend? have you heard her talk? have you seen her move? she’s definitely a lesbian.

  16. Jose

    so much controversy over bikini pics, i agree with SueMe, we rarely see Alicia in bikini but it looks decent on her, she’s pretty but her body could use a little toning but it isn’t bad looking, hey it looks real looking :)
    A plus for effort

  17. Yesh exactly Jose…while here body isn’t perfectly in shape, it sure is far from a nasty body. Otherwise she wouldn’t be able to fit into that bikini.

  18. Keys you are, I AM YOURS, KEYS OF LOVE WE ARE, I AM 7.
    Keys your PASSION, My desire, my scepter, my LOVE for you is OUR PASSION, OUR SOUL, The FIRE.
    Keys, OUR TOUCH every time we make OUR MUSIC, WE WILL BE MAKING OUR SOUND, MY SCEPTER, MY STAFF, MY ROD,FOR I AM 7.
    Keys, music for THE KINGDOM, YOUR KEYS TO THE KINGDOMS DOOR, THE DOOR TO HEAVEN AND EARTH WILL OPEN. It will open new sounds, new music, new things that matter to HEAVEN AND EARTH, OUR PASSION, FOR I AM 7, ROBERTO LYNN BUCHANAN YOUR LOVE, YOUR PASSION, YOUR MUSIC, YOUR SOUND IN HEAVEN AND EARTH,AMEN..

  19. CoolSix

    You are very beautiful in a bikini! Boy, would I love to be next to you on the beach. “You’re filthy/cute and baby you know it”!

  20. eve

    someone said she’s flat as hell. Well, well at least she does’nt put some artificial shit in her breast. She’s a great artist and has a beautifull, natural body and she also has a wonderful pretty face

  21. risa

    she’s a lesbian???? so what? what’a the matter with you? Are you so offensed? So pathetic, I think you should relax and maybe try to se her as the wonderful, talented woman and artist she is. shame on you!!

  22. big pussy

    id luv to tung that azz

  23. sense lee

    incredible to here comment like that! bush an palin must be your father an mother! to have children like this. but then what can u aspect. ur to dumb to know what your talking about an to silly to know your dumb! but i guess it runs in the family!!! an for 74 adolfo what kind of a name is that ? i think it means! a-dol-fo means if u look it u! A-dam-fool !! An the comment u made about yours mother , wasnt nice! an to call her ugly an a b—h! u should keep ur family issues at home! i think shes nice, would like to meet her! ms. keys call me!

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