Alicia Keys in a bikini

December 20th, 2008 // 123 Comments

You’d think bikini pictures of Alicia Keys would be all kinds of crazy hot with maybe some sexy piano-playing thrown in for good measure. Turns out you, and most importantly me, would be horribly mistaken. Here’s Alicia at a hotel pool in Australia just chowing down, checking her Blackberry and generally being the exact opposite of erotic. I mean, would it kill her to do some sort of seductive musical number. Christ, there’s even a fork and some water glasses right next to her. Regale me, dammit!

Photos: Flynet
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  1. friendlyfires

    This is the woman Bob Dylan is currently obsessed with at this time. She is his muse.

  2. BrandiLye

    What? There’s nothing wrong with her body.

    Its a real body, legs are shapely, defined waist, even tan, a little T and a whole lot of A. Great face and healthy looking hair.

    Malibu Barbie skinny can be sexy, but it doesn’t completely nullify other bodies being sexy as well. Some dudes have no imagination.

  3. @ G. Taylor, Dude, & Ronnie Mund; #46, #47, and #48 . . .

    . . . you’re pretty new to the web aren’t ya? What’s a matta poopsie, site pop your cherry?

  4. Evil

    Hey I’ll take her superficial guy….

  5. Sueme and her black bruthas

    Yeah you black guys and gals sure are tough and scary! Alicia Keys has a nasty body with giant out of proportion legs and no tits. She’s not very good looking either.
    Crackas – what the fuck is that?
    You think we are trembling at the thought of kicking your monkey asses? Done deal. Your place of origin – Africa – is well on the way on being finished for you. Where is your power base?

    Fuck off and go back to the welfare line.

  6. packinwood

    Wow! What I fatty. She looks much better with her clothes on.

  7. packinwood

    Wow! What a fatty. She looks much better with her clothes on.

  8. grace

    in the first photo she looks deceptively thin, but in the photos where she stands up, she really looks very thick. she’s still pretty though.

  9. peachez

    Don’t care what y’all say. Saw her in concert. DAMN. I’d still slam that, have her purring in my ear…

  10. Alicia Keys is HOT!!! She is herself, she isn’t fake like most singers in the industry. What just because she doesn’t look like a barbie doll she isn’t hot well i think thats what makes her so special.
    I was blessed to see her proform last night and she was AMAZING!!!! her music touches your heart.
    And to the ignorant people who slam her we all know you are just jealous that you aren’t as beautiful as Miss Alicia Keys!!
    Most guys i know (money aside) would choose Alicia Keys (who actually has a brain) over Paris Hilton. Who would in there right mind choose skin and bones and bottle of peroxide over a REAL WOMAN!!!!!!!!!

  11. Bec

    Alicia Keys is gorgeous – this photo is from Perth, my hometown, I saw her in concert on Saturday night and she brought the house down. She has a gorgeous figure, real legs and butt – most guys (and girls) dream girl!

  12. Mark B

    Is titless one word, or two?

  13. d

    shes beautiful and talented, and natural- thats a real woman, not some fake no talent bimbo, americans have warped ideals

  14. BIGROD

    In this last pic………do you not see Tiger Woods? She’s hot—no doubt, but at first glance she looks like Tiger’s twin sister.

  15. BIGROD

    In this last pic………do you not see Tiger Woods? She’s hot—no doubt, but at first glance she looks like Tiger’s twin sister.

  16. BIGROD

    In this last pic………do you not see Tiger Woods? She’s hot—no doubt, but at first glance she looks like Tiger’s twin sister.

  17. BIGROD

    In this last pic………do you not see Tiger Woods? She’s hot—no doubt, but at first glance she looks like Tiger’s twin sister.

  18. linda

    I’m an open minded girl from US, I’m interested in exotic things, photography, outdoors and sports…I have my photos on — Seekingtall. com —, I love tall guys!
    Do you love travelling and have some experience? Just find me out.

  19. #55 Let me tell you a little something baby….first of all don’t put me in the same category as black people who refer to whites as crackas, because that’s not the type of person I am. Matter of fact I have some really sexy white chocolate at home standing above 6 feet tall weighing in over 200 lbs of sexy muscle who is a delicious work-out freak so NO…not a chance that Im so scared that I’ll get my a** kicked. Im not a racist like my so called “black bruthas,” or like yourself. I just know what a beautiful looking woman looks like when I see one. A. Keys is not fat, and I’ll give you a couple of examples from both sides of the colour spectrum when it comes to fat. On the black side would be Oprah HELLO! On the white side would be Rosie O’donnell. This is coming from a woman who at her heaviest weighs at 110 lbs so don’t think Im defending A Keys because every black woman is what you may think of as a whale.

  20. Oh and FYI #55 I would rather hang out on the street with the hobos working a cart of empty soda and beer cans to earn food than to ever accept government hand outs boo boo ok. I work for my money helping to take care of sick people so how dare you go there boo? I will be a Registered Nurse soon so don’t go there with me. I already work in the Health Care field so no matter how much or little money I make, and I will be making pretty good money btw, I will have one of the most prestigious and important jobs in the country and in the world. Health Care is recession proof you silly little guy or gal. So Im at work right now practically about to fall out of my chair from laughter regarding your welfare rubbish. So you better hope that you’re not sitting at the unemployment office waiting to collect checks while in the mean time the clinics, urgent care centers, and hospitals are being overpacked continuosly with people who have no choice but to come in and give us business. People can’t even get an appointment with an NP, or PA these days let alone an appt. with their very own Doctor these days. Puhlease you kill me, but it’s all cool baby.

  21. kagrez

    She’s beautiful.

    You guys are so sad.

  22. Goblinkatie

    SueMe, you rock.

    #16 – That’s not a dog bowl next to her, it’s the lid from her plate. Nice try though.

  23. Adolfo

    The bitch is ugly, even for a mulatto

  24. F-Obama

    Why is her neck so long? her mom fuck a giraffe or a monkey?

  25. F-Obama

    #71, SueMe, your job isn’t recession proof! When is the last time a Mexican paid you for the visit to the ER? Or all the welfare bums that bring their kids there when they have a cold and give fake addresses and names? There are plenty of hospitals and Dr offices that are going broke because of the illegal immigrants and poor people that don’t even want to pay the $20 deductible. Ask your Dr how much his malpractice insurance costs him! It will be over 10X what you make!

    Enjoy cleaning up puke and shit from the hobo’s, wine’os and Mexicans. Some job you have there. Glad you enjoy it. Come wipe my ass now, I just shit myself.

  26. Nova

    The part about keeping comments relevant to posts should be better enforced. Instead we have angry people fighting on a comment thread. She looks fine. Get over it.

  27. SueMe is an ape, big lips, frizzy hair, monkey skull, etc.

    Hey I am sure your little work out fag is quite the catch to be shackin’ up with a scrawny monkey suck as yourself. I am self employed and what I do I will not say. I don’t care what you do nor should you what I do. Let me just say that while my business is way the fuck down, rest assured that I make quite a bit more than you do for cleaning up feces and urine and pus and breathing in the germs of the sick.
    Don’t build yourself up too much, Barnwench (the better ones make it to the bedroom of Massah, you are for the farmhands meager pleasure), you sound like a grubby skank Boo to me.
    By the way what color are you? Coffee? Mocha? Rasberry? I know you insipid apes all covet the lighter shades, such is your self hatred. In fact all of you non-whites wish you were white. It’s universal.
    I bet you are hoping your monkey fucker knocks you up so you can take your little half breed back to the ghetto and show off “How light dat skin be”!!!

  28. Well I hope the best for you and your business #78, and LOL wow looks like I am going to need to get some ice for that wicked burn you just gave me. OOOOOOOO! Yeah I’d love to see you show my man how much of a punk he is, and it’s none of your business what colour I am. You know Im AA so you should have somewhat of a clue. If this is what makes you feel better when you go sleepy time tonight playa then knock yourself out…I’ll see you in the ER. My job doesn’t entail cleaning after stinky people….well not as of yet anyhow, but I enjoy helping people. I love people, but you wouldn’t know anything about that now would you being that you come off as a satanist. My man has sex with monkeys really? That’s a new one on me, and I guess he has some explaining to do. Get a life loser.

  29. #76 are you a retard or something? Seems so, because last time I checked the company I work for can never seem to get patients out of the office. I work for a company that’s owned by an insurance company idiot so the mass majority of our patients are insured by us stupid. My ass is the only ass I’ve ever wiped idiot, and RN’s can wear a variety of hats. It’s clear you know very little or nothing at all about real nurses. I have worked with so many nurses that who have for years have not even interacted with patients, and they are the highest paid ones. I don’t care what you say, because Im going into this field so I think I know what Im talking about. There will always be people getting sick so don’t even try that one partner. Well gotta go losers…here come more patients. LOL.

  30. #73 thanks sweet heart, and you rock yourself. These racist losers must be feeling the frustrations of the economy or something and want to take it out on me. Everyone wants to take it out on SueMe. That’s what’s wrong with racist people including anyone from black to white…they will never have as many friends as decent people like yourself and I. Nothing anyone of them can say on this site will upset me, because I have a very happy life. I hope the same is true for you. Thank God that because I have two white Aunt-in-laws, and plenty of white friends I know that the majority of white people have sense unlike some of the retards on here. You have yourself a very merry christmas, and a happy new year.

  31. To be fair, I have to admit that I’m not sure how black I am. you see, my father left as soon as he found out my mother was pregnant. At least we think it was my father. My mother was so strung out on crack that she wasn’t sure who was dipping their stick in her honey pot, but she’s a lot better because I nursed her back to health with my own two hands when i was just a little girl, and that allowed me the ambition to become what I am today: a janitor at a hospital. It’s true that all balck women want to be as white as possible, so it’s mean of you to bring that up on the inter-web And my super sexy man loves my thick junk. In fact, he never sticks his wand in my honey pot, only in my caboose. I have to admit, I find it strange when he tries to give me a reach-around, but he said old habits die hard. Obama in 2010!

  32. So funny #82. I need not to prove anything to you, but my father happens to be one of my best friends. If most white women go around sporting either afros or cornrows most of the time then YES! I guess that makes me guilty as charged. What’s wrong did you run out of insults. Bring it on…I could take them all day if I didn’t have a life. Seriously I have to go, because I have a life.

  33. bootlips

    Negroes are only tough in groups. They like to roam neighborhoods looking for old ladies to sucker punch in the mouth and then celebrate as if they just won the lottery.

  34. ipa

    damn SueMe … you seem like a nice person and all but damn … ever heard of the old saying, Arguing on the internet is like running in the Special Olympics… ?
    why do you spread your personal life all over a gossip blog comment board? what does all of this have to do with a. keys in a bikini eating friggin peas?? just. let. fucking. go…

    i especially like people who cockily boast “i’m leaving now because, unlike you i have an actual life” only to come back after 10 min checking if s/o left a comment and getting back to it. forum n00bz.

  35. surgerylass

    This is in responce to # 71 SueMe : Health care is NOT recessioin proof !!
    Your fooling yourself !! I have worked in surgery for 20 years. Do your home work ~ don’t take my word for it. There are not help wanted ads in our newspaper since October. Traveling agencies do not have the volumes of traveling jobs they did. What the health care industry is doing is firing employees who have been in the industry for 20 years making the most they can ~ otherwised topped out at the ceiling, then hiring two nurses straight out of school for the price of the one they fired. They control hours worked to avoid paying out insurance and they get two for the price of one. Get real. I saw this happening when I was in my first 5 years of healthcare and thought nothing of it. Then after 20 years of service it happened to me. Don’t kid yourself. You will be working HARDER, FOR LESS, MORE DANGEROUSLY, LESS BENEFITS THAN EVER HAS OCCURED IN HEALTH CARE HISTORY. I wouldn’t brag to loudly about what your about to graduate from . You will understand what I am saying. It may take two years for you to see but you will see it. I NEVER reccommend the health care industry to ANYONE !!

  36. simplicity

    gotta agree with #85 with this one..
    The post is about A. Keys (who i think is completely overrated, but so be it, she’s a talented girl)
    Nobody that comments here, gives a rat’s right ass cheek about any of ya, where ya work, what ya do. So stop posting about it… you’re wasting your breath.

    Back to the silly post:
    In one of those pics she seriously looks like she’s enjoying that.. broccoli or peas …green beans??..whatever the heck it is…, wayyyyy tooooo much.

  37. SueMe's Trainer (speciman # 7654F - Berkley Primate Center)

    Very sorry to inconvenience you good southern folk tonight. We have captured the animal and it’s back in a cage headed back into the new extremely deep cavern at the old salt mine.

  38. Miss Manners

    SueMe it sounds like you have a horrible life cleaning up scabs and wiping up piss and breathing in infectious diseases. Luck you listening to all of those people in agony. How do you tell all those people they are going to die? I move around stocks while you shuffle bed pans. Keep up the good work!

    It takes all kinds.

  39. Ava

    It’s so funny that everyone seems to defend Alicia’s not so perfectly shaped body.
    (I mean, she’s flat-chested but has a lot of meat wrapped around her hips and thighs. No proportions)
    But everyone likes her and says her body is great. On the other hand when pictures of Kim Kardashian are posted everyone is like “She is SO overweight.”, just because y’all don’t like her (neither do I, btw.).

    Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE Alicia. I think she has a stunning face and she is classy and graceful and talented. Kim will never be like that because she’s just a dumb, talentless pornstar.
    But I still think it’s so unfair calling Kim fat because she has a better body than Alicia. Kim has way better proportions.

    Please stop calling women like Kim overweight. You have no idea how girls all over the world feel when somebody like Kim is called fat.
    They’re all like: “If she’s fat what am I then? I must be a monster!”
    Think about it.

  40. Ava

    It’s so funny that everyone seems to defend Alicia’s not so perfectly shaped body.
    (I mean, she’s flat-chested but has a lot of meat wrapped around her hips and thighs. No proportions)
    But everyone likes her and says her body is great. On the other hand when pictures of Kim Kardashian are posted everyone is like “She is SO overweight.”, just because y’all don’t like her (neither do I, btw.).

    Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE Alicia. I think she has a stunning face and she is classy and graceful and talented. Kim will never be like that because she’s just a dumb, talentless pornstar.
    But I still think it’s so unfair calling Kim fat because she has a better body than Alicia. Kim has way better proportions.

    Please stop calling women like Kim overweight. You have no idea how girls all over the world feel when somebody like Kim is called fat.
    They’re all like: “If she’s fat what am I then? I must be a monster!”
    Think about it.

  41. F-Ava

    Well, FAT IS FAT. If the chick is fat, we will cal her fat. Why let some fat chick think she isn’t fat? That’s just as good as a crack addict thinking he isn’t a crack addict. It’s like a nigger not knowing he’s a nigger.
    Ava, go loose some weight, fat ass.

  42. She looks fine. Hell, I’d be thrilled to look like that in a bikini!

  43. Deacon Jones

    She looks like Chet when he was turned into the pile of shit at the end of Weird Science.

  44. FACE

    Love those thighs

  45. tp

    Is she eating peapods?? Look at pic #7…who eats like that?? Besides a stuck up bitch.

  46. Well nothing is 100% recession proof, and I never said that. #85 I see what you’re saying, but these people don’t know me from jump. If you think that I would ever post my real name or give really specific details then you’re mistaking what I was trying to say. #86 you’re not telling me anything I don’t already know, and I have done my research.

  47. Oh Im referring this to anyone who has something to say about my comments or what I reveal on the net. MIND YA DAMN OWN. This is a free country, and I’ll post whatever I want. Tell all the racists to keep their racists statuses to themselves, and get off my back.

  48. Dan

    I’m sorry, a woman is just not attractive unless she’s been airbrushed. In fact, just post a picture of the airbrush–my balls are full.

  49. SueMe's Trainer (speciman # 7654F - Berkley Primate Center)

    Looks like we’re gonna have to put this ape down, she is onery.

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