Alicia Keys in a bikini

December 20th, 2008 // 123 Comments

You’d think bikini pictures of Alicia Keys would be all kinds of crazy hot with maybe some sexy piano-playing thrown in for good measure. Turns out you, and most importantly me, would be horribly mistaken. Here’s Alicia at a hotel pool in Australia just chowing down, checking her Blackberry and generally being the exact opposite of erotic. I mean, would it kill her to do some sort of seductive musical number. Christ, there’s even a fork and some water glasses right next to her. Regale me, dammit!

Photos: Flynet
superficial

  1. bob

    got here first bitches

  2. God

    She’s flat as hell and look at those thighs..She’s got a nice face of course, but that body is a shame. Sorry I messed this one up, guys.

  3. Sport

    nothing special at all. Well, besides the bank account.

  4. sarah

    dude she looks great. those pictures from above are unflattering… because they’re taken from a terrible angle. she looks gorgeous in the other ones.

  5. cameron ruiz

    Beyonce really slimmed down.

  6. Woopie goldberg is more sexier…

  7. desi

    she is definately thick.. at least more so than i remember.
    at least she appears to be eating healthy.

  8. Hahaha Yes woopie goldberg is more sexy …. she looks fat.

  9. timmy the dying boy

    It’s the camera angle, you dopes, the last two look just fine. She looks great, too bad she sings like a rusty gate hinge at an abandoned farm.

  10. Yeah she would

    The chick downtown told me she’d hit it.

  11. This Poster

    Anyone posting after This Poster sucks on mulatto cock and swallows the mulatto juice

  12. Jeff

    Keep stuffing that fried chicken down your bootlips

  13. drdanny

    It’s not the camera angle. She really does have a huge butt, comparatively speaking. And some folks actually _like_ that in a woman.

  14. Vince Lombardi

    Next up: Asparagus pee! (Don’t pretend you don’t know that smell!)

  15. Sport

    Just noticed in pic 2….she has a fucking DOG BOWL of water to drink from!

    Woof.

  16. Napoleon

    It realy is a slow newsday

  17. mink

    wow I never realized her body sucked so bad. how unfortunate looking

  18. Keys is hot…what the?

    Boxing day sales- online coupon codes to top brands (click on my name)

  19. dork

    That bandaid is going to leave a really fugly tan mark.

    Anybody for a bowl of green beans. Yummy num num.

  20. This Poster

    Damn. I’m withdrawing the mulatto prize, sorry folks!

    I LOVE mulatto cock and guzzle the mulatto juice!!! No way I’m giving that away!

  21. lisa

    she looks stunning!

  22. Rob

    she can wrap those theighs around my head any time!!!!!!

  23. Mama Pinkus

    Not the most flattering swim suit for her body type but she’s a lovely gal

  24. Jeff

    Damn! I just realized that this groid cunt is actually the new Commander in Chimp on the downlow . . . and I went and rubbed one off to pic #4!

  25. mike oxbhig

    uh, no. i would have never thought that. shes a half breed.

  26. Ky

    thats not a dog bowl you idiot

  27. Arf

    Looks like Isabel “Weezie Jefferson” Sanford.

  28. Danklin24

    Damn her thighs are huge. She could squeeze your head off or suffocate you if you went down on her.

  29. PhilMcCracken

    WHO: Overrated Diva
    WHAT: Beached Whale
    WHERE: Blubber Beach
    WHEN: During the “Eclipse”
    WHY: God is cruel
    HOW: 5 Ton Truck and Crane

    From the neck up she IS hot. After that, literally, it’s all downhill. A lumpy cottage cheese flabby hill that smells like feet and stale navel lint.

  30. seksiymiss beee yerim senii bebemm

  31. DT

    aww she cut herself shaving.

  32. A. Keys is definately one the MOST beautiful women in the entire world hands down, and she has a fabulous body. The men she seems to be interested in love some thick thighs and SOME kind of ass in the back trust me. They don’t want a Paris Hilton noassatall kind of chick trust that.

  33. A. Keys is definately one the MOST beautiful women in the entire world hands down, and she has a fabulous body. The men she seems to be interested in love some thick thighs and SOME kind of ass in the back trust me. They don’t want a Paris Hilton noassatall kind of chick trust that.

  34. LALALA

    FIRSTLY!!!! A.K is a giant lezzzbo so she isn’t naturally inclined to be “sexy” she is a beautiful woman but not sexy at all in my opinion…. and she likes the ladies….so she really doesn’t need to be…. :)

  35. ummm...yeah

    Where’s her tits?
    At least the bitch has talent, more than I can say for her fuckin peers…like Shitney.

  36. Funeral Guy

    nice face, fat ass.

  37. ekki_skila

    so she’s about on the same level as The Kardashian?

    lol, you people are such tools.

  38. bootlips

    Just another half coon who was abandoned by her coon Father.

  39. Cartman

    Who puts a bandaid on their shoulder?

  40. John Wayne Bobbit

    She looks like a ten year old boy… sad…

  41. John Wayne Bobbit

    She looks like a ten year old boy… sad…

  42. Danklin24

    Theres a bandaid on her shoulder from when she tried to shave off her monkey hair. Her thighs are fucking huge.

  43. I want to eat her pussy like a Jew who just got out of the concentration camp.

  44. “ARE HER TITS SWIMMING”, folks?

  45. G. Taylor

    This site has the most ignorant assholes on line. Mostly a bunch of faggot-ass cracka’s talking shit they would NEVER say inpublic because they know they would get their pasty asses waxed! Punk faggots!

  46. Dude

    This site has the most ignorant assholes on line. Mostly a bunch of faggot-ass cracka’s talking shit they would NEVER say inpublic because they know they would get their pasty asses waxed! Punk faggots!

  47. This site has the most ignorant assholes on line. Mostly a bunch of faggot-ass cracka’s talking shit they would NEVER say inpublic because they know they would get their pasty asses waxed! Punk faggots!

  48. HatersAreGonHate

    why do people love to hate? she is beautiful

    1. she just finnished a year long tour and is chillin. no make up, hair up, still looking beautiful, cant the girl get some ‘her’ time

    2. she is no way fat, i meet her during her tour and she is really little, and she does have a nice figure, you guy wuld be hatin if she got breast implants awell!

    3. shes a vegitarian, eating peas in a pod

    the end

  49. THAT_GIRL_JENN

    WHITE MAN’S NIGHTMARE!

    SHE WOULD HAVE TO LOSE 30 LBS AND GET BREAST IMPLANTS FOR YOU 12 YEAR OLD LOVING GUYS TO SAY GOOD THINGS ABOUT HER.

    GOOD JOB HEIDI.

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