Alicia Silverstone’s Going To Be ‘That’ Mom, Walks Around With Son Dangling From Her Boob
It was at that moment Bear Blu realized soon his mother would begin regurgitating her breast milk. Calmly he adjusted the handgun in his diaper and waited. Patience, Bear. Patience…
While the Internet learned that Alicia Silverstone fully believes her son is a small eaglet that requires pre-digested food vomited into his mouth, she spent the day walking around with him dangling from her breast because clearly she’s going to be one of those weird bonding moms who does whatever earthy fad she reads about at Whole Foods like rubbing starfishes on you and your child’s faces to transfer emotions or some equally dumb shit. That said, the kid’s practically a gymnast at getting at that thing while being knocked against a woman who’s apparently too busy to sit on a bench for five minutes, so kudos to his future lovers.
GIRL (Or boy. Shit, it’s not the Dark Ages.): Make love to me, Bear.
BEAR: One second. Just need to adjust this pulley.. and here we go!
GIRL/BOY: Ohmygod, this is amazi- Wait, is that your mom?
BEAR: Don’t worry, she’s just chewing a burrito for me. Now fly with Bear!