Who Dared Deny Alexander Skarsgard A Loincloth For Tarzan?

Many people cock-lustier than I have pointed out the bullshit that is Alexander Skarsgard’s Tarzan wearing pants instead of the traditional loincloth. And it turns out he’s with you, because the Swedish Lord of Fuck Thunder campaigned to wear one and was somehow denied even though his opponent should’ve been too busy dilating to fight back. PEOPLE reports:

“I was trying to get a little sexy loincloth [to wear],” Skarsgard revealed during a press conference promoting the film. “I was trying to convince [director] David Yates for weeks when we were doing prep.”
But Yates, who directed the final four Harry Potter films, had already conceived of story centering on a more civilized and refined Tarzan, one who’d spent the past several years living as a British lord. “The way the script is written, it opens in London, he’s Victorian and he’s acclimated to life in London, and then he goes back [to the jungle],” explained the actor. “David was like, ‘It doesn’t make sense. That little loincloth’s got to go.'”

In related news, David Yates was found dead this morning. Police are asking everyone if they know where their wives were last night or maybe the gay guy from Starbucks. He keeps saying, “Vengeance, whee!” while making Frappucinos, but it’s probably nothing.

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Photo: Warner Bros.