Alexander Skarsgård Will Bang Sundance Now

January 21st, 2013 // 41 Comments

Fun Fact: Alexander Skarsgård isn’t even in this movie. He’s that good.

 

Legend has it Alexander Skarsgård‘s penis sings this exact song to you after it bangs you. Which is a joke, of course, because scientists don’t even have a form of measurement that accurately reflects the short amount of time it’s not inside a vagina. Although recent studies have theorized it exists in something called an “infinite penetration loop” or, as one of them described it to me, “Longer than it takes you to ejaculate. Hey, wait a minute, Stephen Hawking doesn’t cry after sex. Security!”

Photos: Getty

superficial

  1. Chocolate Twinkies are real

    I have been checking this site all morning waiting for your Skarsgard post. They bring me such joy.

  2. Come on… Give that thing a realty show already…

  3. Considering that Ellen Page is a lesbian I doubt he’s banging her.

  4. “Hello, ladies. Ever been spitroasted by one man?”

  5. Ellen Page Alexander Skarsgard Brit Marling The East Portraits Sundance Film Festival
    Deacon Jones
    Commented on this photo:

    You asshole.

    Ever since you posted that pic last week, I’m noticing double phantom penises poking out of his fucking pants now, thanks for that!

  6. Alexander Skarsgard Nancy Utley The East Portraits Sundance Film Festival
    MyRightOne
    Commented on this photo:

    My god. Her man hands are bigger then his man hands.

  7. Alexander Skarsgard Brit Marling The East Portraits Sundance Film Festival
    MyRightOne
    Commented on this photo:

    He’s wearing her ass as a hat in his spare time from making vaginas smile, isn’t he?

  8. JustWalkingMyUnicorn

    Thank you fish.
    Skarsgard is so fucking sexy!

  9. Ellen Page Alexander Skarsgard Brit Marling The East Portraits Sundance Film Festival
    MyRightOne
    Commented on this photo:

    You can never eat just one.

  10. Zal Batmanglij Ellen Page Alexander Skarsgard Brit Marling The East Portraits Sundance Film Festival
    skarsgard speaks
    Commented on this photo:

    he will make sex in all of these now, yes?

  11. Man, I would love to get a piece of Ellen Page. Something sext about her.

  12. Redd

    my word, his penis is longer than a 3 week payday!

  13. Ellen Page Alexander Skarsgard Brit Marling The East Portraits Sundance Film Festival
    Commented on this photo:

    He always orders a hottie sandwich with a side order of lesbian. Classic Skarsgard.

  14. Carolyn

    This is one unattractive man. Looks like an alien with that forehead.

  15. Ellen Page Alexander Skarsgard Brit Marling The East Portraits Sundance Film Festival
    Commented on this photo:

    How can that thing be pointing at both of them at the same time?

  16. Zal Batmanglij Ellen Page Alexander Skarsgard Brit Marling The East Portraits Sundance Film Festival
    Fredical
    Commented on this photo:

    Yeah, it’s Zal Batmanglij until somebody loses and eye! http://cdn.romitaman.com/Images/Category_2/subcat_784/DKR4pg2.jpg

  17. Zal Batmanglij Ellen Page Alexander Skarsgard Brit Marling The East Portraits Sundance Film Festival
    Commented on this photo:

    “Who are you?” “I’m Batman. Zal Batman…glij.”

  18. Alexander Skarsgard Brit Marling The East Portraits Sundance Film Festival
    CD
    Commented on this photo:

    Yes, yes, wonderful. Who’s next?

  19. Ellen Page Alexander Skarsgard Brit Marling The East Portraits Sundance Film Festival
    tlmck
    Commented on this photo:

    He could do worse for a threesome. I’d settle for just Ellen.

  20. Alexander Skarsgard Brit Marling The East Portraits Sundance Film Festival
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    She went straight from this photo shoot to the nearest Babies R Us store to get a crib…for twins.

  21. AnnaD.

    Love the Man. Love the posts devoted to him. Love the comments. Love love love.

  22. Alexander Skarsgard Brit Marling The East Portraits Sundance Film Festival
    journalschism
    Commented on this photo:

    “You know, there’s Another Earth in pants.”

  23. Ellen Page Alexander Skarsgard The East Portraits Sundance Film Festival
    journalschism
    Commented on this photo:

    “It’s like f*cking Janeane Garofalo all over again.”

  24. Ellen Page Alexander Skarsgard Brit Marling The East Portraits Sundance Film Festival
    Commented on this photo:

    Your move, Hamm.

  25. Zal Batmanglij Ellen Page Alexander Skarsgard Brit Marling The East Portraits Sundance Film Festival
    TJ
    Commented on this photo:

    those shoes bring out the douche in all your eyes

  26. Devilish Diva

    I have no idea how this guy is as an actor but, from an aesthetic viewpoint, he’s not all that. I’m starting to think he’s gay b/c of all the internet gossip about his supposed prowess with the ladies. Probably his publicist’s doing.
    Maybe I just think this guy is ‘meh’ b/c he reminds me of an ex-boyfriend. Blond & boring…

    • Chocolate Twinkies are real

      Well this site has a running joke about him being a Rapey sex offender with mystical powers of fertilization. I don’t think a publicist would really want their client characterized that way…

  27. Ellen Page Alexander Skarsgard Brit Marling The East Portraits Sundance Film Festival
    Raoul
    Commented on this photo:

    That’s a good picture of the our of them.

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