There’s No Way That’s Alexander Skargard’s Penis. Just No Way.

January 14th, 2013 // 44 Comments

Here’s Alexander Skarsgard at the Warner Bros./InStyle Golden Globes Party last night where Photo Boy and I absolutely refuse to believe he’s Hamm-boning it here because c’mon. No one gets to be that internationally good looking, desired by man, woman and beast alike AND have a gigantic penis. I mean.. Jesus. No wonder Rihanna banged him. The thing’s big enough to grow arms and fists.

RIHANNA: Your penis wouldn’t happen to have a phone would it?
SKARSGARD: Do you require one to call your obstetrician?
RIHANNA: My obstet- *looks down* Oh, god!
SKARSGARD: It’s a boy. Mjolnir! To me. *catches penis, hurls into the air to take flight* Nice meeting you, Briannaaaa…

Photos: Getty, Splash News

superficial

  1. Alexander Skarsgard Penis Golden Globe After Parties
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    IMO that this tall blonde giraffe was presented as competition to the Great Hamm Bone is something of a joke.

  2. tlmck

    That’s the new Jon Hamm pocket prop. Only $19.95 and includes a free set of Ginsu knives.

  3. mrsmass

    no way to know since there’s no ZOOM feature!

  4. Wow, he could beat Rihanna with that thing and do worse than Cris Brown ever did…

  5. Is Hamming the new nip slip?!

  6. Alexander Skarsgard Penis Golden Globe After Parties
    Commented on this photo:

    “Yeah, well this is imported Italian nylon.”

  7. Damn it, Fish! Give a girl time to protect herself before you throw up the Skarsgard!

  8. If you even have to *ask* the size of Skarsgaard’s penis, it’s already been in your girlfriend.

  9. Fish, Photoboy, have I told you lately that I loooove yoooooouuuuu????? Internationally good looking? Now that you mention it, I’m seeing IHOP in a whole new, mouthwatering light. … Ah, nevermind.

    I’ve stared at enough shower gifs to know that not only is The Skarsgard penis big enough to grow arms and fists, it’s big enough to arm wrestle Ikea Monkey best 3 out of 5. The more you know…

  10. Alexander Skarsgard Penis Golden Globe After Parties
    Viggaz
    Commented on this photo:

    THAT is the very definition of a Trouser Snake

  11. VikingsDoItBest

    Holy shit…..

  12. Averse Distraction

    My dick just committed suicide in shame. Said something about a pointless life when being so outclassed in every way.

  13. Locknload

    Thanks Superficial Writer :)

  14. We’re not worthy!

  15. Chocolate Twinkies are real

    I love the knowing look on his face!

  16. Alexander Skarsgard Penis Golden Globe After Parties
    Piper
    Commented on this photo:

    My cervix hurts for some odd reason.

  17. lovecraft

    It is clearly just a fluke in the way his pants creased. If you look at the other pictures the supposed appendage is not visible.

  18. Carolyn

    I think he’s ugly. Huge forehead and pursed mouth.

  19. Alexander Skarsgard Penis Golden Globe After Parties
    Commented on this photo:

    get a grip. it’s just the way the pants are laying. NOT his dick.

  20. Alexander Skarsgard Penis Golden Globe After Parties
    Commented on this photo:

    I clicked “View Full Size” and it took me to a satellite photo of Stockholm.

  21. Alexander Skarsgard Penis Golden Globe After Parties
    Betty
    Commented on this photo:

    I don’t think that is his kit and kaboodle, HOWEVER…. on the DVD commentary of Generation Kill, James Rasome says Alex’s private part is HUGE! If you haven’t seen it, there is a scene where Alex goes to the bathroom outdoors and I guess he showed all. Also a guy who goes to the same gym as Alex says he would be perfect for the role of Christian Grey for obvious reasons.

  22. Katie

    HAHA, wow.

  23. Choc

    See for yourself. Here is a nice gif where you can see a lot of “little Alex”. Yum!
    [IMG]http://i45.tinypic.com/2zj9ooy.gif[/IMG]

  24. Alexander Skarsgard Penis Golden Globe After Parties
    Boop
    Commented on this photo:

    I see 3 penises

  25. L. Azevedo

    in 1 pic its on the right side & the other its on the left. & i’m even high.

  26. Alexander Skarsgard Penis Golden Globe After Parties
    Freebie
    Commented on this photo:

    I do not find this man handsome and swoonworthy. He’s nice and clean looking, but not drop dead gorgeous.

  27. Mmmmm

    That looks like a circumcised penis. Being Scandinavian he wouldn’t be circumcised. Therefor photoshop.

  28. Alexander Skarsgard Penis Golden Globe After Parties
    Commented on this photo:

    I knew a guy at my last job that was hung like that and always wore tight jeans. Somebody pointed it out one day and once seen, it could not be unseen.

    This guy also insisted on saving himself for marriage, so it was a total waste.

  29. Alexander Skarsgard Penis Golden Globe After Parties
    Fifi834
    Commented on this photo:

    Talk about golden ‘globes.’

  30. I am secretly hoping this will be one of those 90′s 3D image things. I may get cross-eyed trying to see something, but all of a sudden a giant 3D dick will pop in my face, and make it all worth it.

  31. Alexander Skarsgard Penis Golden Globe After Parties
    Friday Jones
    Commented on this photo:

    My dick is so big, IT has a dick. And its dick is bigger than your dick.

  32. KGG

    Have you guys not seen the clip of him getting out of the shower in one of his early movies? It’s….big. I will provide evidence in the form of an animated gif if need be. Not that I uh…look at it..often..or anything. o_O

  33. Alexander Skarsgard Penis Golden Globe After Parties
    Commented on this photo:

    How hilarious that some of you morons think that’s a schlong. LOL

  34. Alexander Skarsgard Penis Golden Globe After Parties
    maryellen
    Commented on this photo:

    If that’s his week, it has a very odd curve to it

  35. Alexander Skarsgard Penis Golden Globe After Parties
    maryellen
    Commented on this photo:

    If that’s his ween, it has a very odd curve to it.

  36. Alexander Skarsgard Penis Golden Globe After Parties
    gigi
    Commented on this photo:

    those are pants folds…. besides, unless a chick is multi-orgasmic, size is irrelevant

  37. Alexander Skarsgard Penis Golden Globe After Parties
    Jen
    Commented on this photo:

    As we say in Sweden: the apple doesn’t fall far from tree. Don’t take my word for it, check out Alex’s dad Stellan in Breaking the waves. Full frontal and hung like a horse. Alex just lucked out in the gene lottery. They don’t call him Viking Dong for nothing…

  38. Serene

    I think you all have dirty minds. To me it looks like a crease Alex wouldn’t be himself to shame wearing no underwear, he’s too dignified for that.

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