Alexander Skarsgard Vill Break You

(Yes, I know he’s Swedish. For God’s sake, his middle name is Johan Hjalmar which means only Thor can wield him)

Also, fun fact, today’s the Skarsgards birthday, so if you’re trying to think of a good gift to get him, pussy. He likes pussy. All kinds, as we now know: Ass-pussy, lightpole-pussy, traffic cone-pussy. If it’s got a hole, “I will strudel it,” is something I imagine him saying because I’ve honestly got nothing in the way of Swedish jokes, and aren’t all Europeans basically the same disco poonhound anyway? Yes. Yes, they are.

Photo: Splash News